Author: Scott Adamson

Alternative pro soccer league? It’s worth a shot

All who know me understand that when I hear the phrase “alternative league,” my spider senses start to tingle.

Scott Adamson writes about soccer because he enjoys writing about soccer. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

My sports memories date back to being a young kid who was a much bigger fan of the American Football League than the National Football League. As painful as it is, I still cheer for the New York Jets.

My favorite basketball team?

I gave me heart to the New York Nets of the American Basketball Association.

Hockey?

I was a proud supporter of the World Hockey Association’s Birmingham Bulls.

And even though the New York Cosmos of the North American Soccer League were the primary object of my association football affections, I also tried to keep track of the American Soccer League.

Sure, the ASL was much older than the NASL so you can’t really assign it “alternative status,” but once the league that featured the likes of Pele, George Best, Johan Cruyff and Rodney Marsh became a sensation for a few remarkable years, the ASL was an afterthought.

Not to me, though. While teams came and went at a sometimes alarming pace, I did my best to follow such lost-to-history franchises as the New York Eagles, Carolina Lightnin’ and Los Angeles Skyhawks.

(Fun fact: Basketball legend Bob Cousy was ASL commissioner from 1974 to 1979).

So naturally, when Jacksonville Armada owner Robert Palmer dangled the carrot of an “unsanctioned professional league,” well, that got me really, really interested.

The Armada, of course, are part of the modern NASL, which is on life support since the United States Soccer Federation refused to grant it second division status for 2018. The league is hoping for relief from the courts, but failing that, the NASL might never host another competitive match.

In the interim, Jacksonville will compete in the National Premier Soccer League, a fourth-tier circuit that bills itself as a “national league with regional focus.”

And while Palmer released a statement assuring fans that his club is “engaged in discussions with other start-up leagues that intend to seek sanctioning from the United States Soccer Federation,” this was the part that caught my eye:

“For the future security of the Armada, I have put together a task force comprised of the brightest minds across my companies and soccer experts. This task force is exploring the possibility of funding and operating an unsanctioned professional league. It would be an option if the other leagues are not able to successfully navigate the political landscape of the USSF.”

Translation: In the current landscape of the USSF, it’s Major League Soccer’s world and only the United Soccer League (and its amateur Premier Development League) truly get to breathe the same air.

I had really hoped that the new NASL would survive and thrive and eventually provide MLS with some competition, because competition is healthy. That, however, now seems unlikely.

But let’s be extremely optimistic for a moment – or at least indulge me as I immerse myself in a soccer fantasy world.

What if Palmer’s task force comes up with the audacious idea of building a top-tier league from the ground up? And what if that American soccer alternative featured a promotion/relegation system? And what if the future USSF leaders decided it was ultimately worthy of sanction?

I’d get behind such a league in a heartbeat.

I’m already smitten with the fledgling third division National Independent Soccer Association, which will be built around pro/rel. It features fan ownership, has a forward-thinking business model, and checks all the boxes when it comes to how play-for-pay soccer leagues can grow and thrive.

Imagine that model applied to a “major league” that isn’t afraid to be part of a system that has helped make soccer the world’s most popular sport.

Let’s face it … MLS is a closed system and will almost certainly always be a closed system. Once an ownership group buys a franchise they know that win, lose or draw, that franchise will always be part of the first division.

(When Forbes looked at the value of MLS clubs in 2016, it determined they are worth $185 million on average).

In the current environment, about the best pro/rel proponents can hope for is a pyramid with a second division ceiling.

USL president Jake Edwards told the Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News last month that his league, which will feature USL D3 starting in 2019, is taking a hard look at the model.

“I think it would be very interesting to look at pro/rel between those two divisions,” Edwards told the paper. “We certainly could do it now and I think there’s an interest to do it among our board.

“We are going to experiment with precursors, such as maybe some sort of inter-league competition, an inter-league cup. We’re going to look at options like that to see if that works.”

Maybe that’s what America’s current soccer overlords see as a compromise. They can say, “See, we have promotion/relegation!” even though it stops short of its ultimate purpose.

If I could work my will with a “renegade” league, it would start in August, end in May, crown a champion based on best record through 38 matches, send teams up, and send teams down.

The 24 flagship clubs (aside from Jacksonville, of course) would be in hotbed soccer markets large and small as well as cities that, to date, have been snubbed by MLS. San Francisco, Cincinnati, St. Louis, San Antonio, Charlotte, Detroit, and Phoenix come to mind immediately.

It would all be part of a real pyramid that includes some of the great lower division leagues already in existence, and built on the same foundation that has been the tried and true soccer blueprint used – with great success – across the world.

And every single club in that pyramid could dream of moving up.

Did I read too much into Palmer’s “funding and operating an unsanctioned professional league” remark?

Perhaps.

Are there too many obstacles to clear?

Probably. If you don’t get USSF sanctioning, you don’t get access to current and future United States Men’s National Team players or the governing body’s resources. Plus, I just don’t know if there are enough people (with enough cash and patience) willing to step into the ring and fight for the soul of U.S. soccer.

But I could be wrong. And if such a league is ever formed, I’ll be solidly in its corner.

Party tips to make your Sunday really super

It’s Super Bowl weekend, which means I’m getting ready to watch a team I hate (the New England Patriots) face a team I care nothing about (the Philadelphia Eagles) in a game that I will have on TV out of moral obligation but, frankly, have little interest in.

Brain Farce is an alleged humor column written by Scott Adamson. It comes out basically whenever he feels like writing it. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

But that’s why there are Super Bowl parties, right?

These gatherings are a staple for football fans and non-fans alike, an all-American celebration that sees people come together in living rooms for food, drink and fellowship.

And being a man of sophistication, I have not only participated in such parties, but helped plan them.

Let’s be honest, though … too many of these events are predictable.

Cooler of beer?

Check.

Sausage balls?

Check.

Pigs-in-blankets?

Check.

Chips and salsa?

Check.

That’s all well and good, but boring.

Why not shake things up?

In that spirit, here are some ideas to help spice up your Super Bowl party, regardless of whether or not you cheer for the Eagles or those other bastards:

 

FOODS SHOULD BE FESTIVE

You can continue the tradition of sausage balls, pigs-in-blankets and chips and salsa, but dress them up and give them festive names.

Imagine the look on your guests’ faces when they see a spread of pork testicles, swine-in-fitted sheets and deep-fried tortilla wedges and tomato puke.

They’ll be eating the same food they normally eat, but it’ll have a whole new attitude.

Of course you can also go way outside the box.

One year, instead of going to all the trouble of preparing foods, I kept it simple.

I just placed eight packs of frozen wieners and a jar of mayonnaise on the table and told guest to help themselves.

You’d be surprised how many did.

 

BEVERAGE OPTIONS

Back during my drinking days, I just assumed stocking a cooler full of beer was sufficient for any Super Bowl party. And if – heaven forbid – someone was a teetotaler, I’d just direct them to the water faucet.

But times have changed.

Some people would rather not drink beer at parties, Super Bowl or otherwise.

Again, this is a chance to be bold.

Why not buy a kiddie pool and fill it with pure grain alcohol?

Sure, Everclear may be considered a “neutral spirit,” but your guests will be shifting into overdrive quickly as they belly up to the pool to get their drink on.

Want to try an even more innovative beverage option?

NyQuil.

The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, aching, coughing, stuffy-head, fever, so-you-can-rest medicine comes with its own plastic shot glass, which leads me to believe its makers are well aware it can be used for an entirely different purpose.

And if you’re on a budget, you can get the store brand knockoffs which basically have the same effect.

If you go this route, chances are good your guests will be asleep by the second half, but it probably won’t matter as by then Bill Belichick will have made some unholy bargain with Satan to ensure that the Patriots win their 12th Super Bowl in the last 10 years.

 

PREGAME FUN AND GAMES

Remember playing pin the tail on the donkey and hitting a candy-filled piñata?

Me either.

And trying to get adults to play those games in the leadup to the Super Bowl is pointless.

Have fun! Be creative!

I’ve always thought it would be cool to set up a miniature boxing ring in the living room and have guests square off in a bare knuckle brawl that lasts until one fighter is knocked unconscious.

Divisions could be based on weight, sex, age – whatever.

The gifts you choose to award the winners are up to you, of course, but sometimes a losers’ consolation prize is best.

Who doesn’t want to ride in an ambulance?

In the interest of full disclosure, I have no party plans at all on Sunday.

My wife, who has less interest in sports than any human being who has ever lived, will be reading.

I’ll be watching alone, snacking on healthy foods because my body is a temple and I damn near burned it down for the first 45 years of my life.

But just because I’m not in the party mood doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be, and hopefully I’ve given you enough tips to make sure this really is a Super Sunday.

So eat, drink and knock the crap out of somebody in your living room.

It’s the American way.

Rule innovations I’d like to see in XFL 2020

In case you haven’t heard (but I suspect you have), Vince McMahon is bringing back the XFL in 2020. You remember the XFL, right?

Out of Left Field is written by Scott Adamson. It appears weekly and sometimes more frequently if he gets up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

It was the one-and-done league from 2001 that mixed bombast and sleaze with subpar football. It went out of business because – by the end of its lone campaign – so few people cared about it there was no reason to keep it around.

That McMahon is giving football another try isn’t all that puzzling since he seems to have a genuine passion for the game. Not sure why he is reviving the XFL brand, though, because it will only remind us what a failure the original was.

But he’s got some disposable income and really wants a gridiron do-over, so more power to him.

He mentioned last Thursday when he announced the revival that he wants suggestions on how his league should “reimagine” the sport. About the only things he seems intense about are shorter games (around two hours) and no halftime (a move which might make for some really sloppy play by tired players in the fourth quarter).

But, as a fan of Brand X leagues I have a few ideas and am not shy about sharing them.

The first and best, of course, is to raid the NFL for talent and field teams with the best players possible. But even though Vince has deep pockets, I doubt they’re that deep.

Most likely the new XFL, like the old XFL, will be stocked with players not good enough to stick on NFL rosters.

But that’s OK … if you can’t have the best players, you can make up for it by being wildly creative and having the best rules.

So here are some outside-the-box changes to consider …

Touchdowns will be worth 7 points instead of 6 (I stole that from the old World Football League), and the PAT kick is eliminated in favor of a run or pass from the 2-yard line with a successful conversion worth 1 point.
(There was no extra point kick in the old XFL, either, by the way).

I also think there needs to be creative ways for defenses to score points.

You can keep the safety, of course, but the unit can record a single point for their team by recovering a fumble or making an interception.

Radical? A little, perhaps.

But not nearly as radical as this; the new XFL should have no kickoffs, no punts and no first downs.
Each game begins with the team that wins the toss starting at its own 20-yard line. From there, it has 10 plays to try to score a touchdown or field goal.
If it fails to score, the opposition takes over wherever the drive ends. Or, if on its final down (the 10th down) a team finds itself deep in its own territory, it can concede two points to the opposition in exchange for the other team starting at its 20.

You always hear that football is a game of field position, and these rules truly up the ante when it comes to strategy.

McMahon said he wanted the new XFL to be concerned with player safety, so from that standpoint the elimination of kickoff returns should go a long way toward lessening the likelihood of concussions. I know fans love the “headhunter hits,” but I think it’s time we evolve when it comes to how the game should be played.

Other changes that would differentiate XFL 2020 from what you see in the NFL and college football:

  • End zones are 20 yards deep (that rule is borrowed from the Canadian Football League) and goals posts are situated on the goal line.
  • All backs are allowed in motion toward the line of scrimmage (also borrowed from the CFL).
  • Receivers need just one foot in bounds to be credited with a reception AND as long as the pass catcher has the ball and keeps the ball from touching the ground up to the point that his knee hits the turf and ends the play, it will be ruled a completed pass.
  • Any pass that is “thrown away” is considered intentional grounding (spiking to stop the clock is excluded).
  • Teams have 20 seconds to snap the ball after officials give the “ready to play” signal.

Anyway, if you’re reading this Vince, I hope these suggestions help. And if, in 2020, I can see the Birmingham Brigade faced with a 10th and goal situation against the San Diego Surf, I’ll feel that my work here is complete.