Commander Shake

Lenny looked out the window of his Level 73 unit and stared at the thousands of people gathered below. The funeral of Commander Shake was being broadcast live across the globe, and many in Pewter City chose to watch on the giant, 3D image replicator in the city’s center.

Commander Shake – the moniker this alien superhero had been given many years earlier – was dead. Whether it was due to a battle with the Lepidosaurians, a reptilian race of extraterrestrial assassins, or absorption of radiation from the many nuclear missiles he had exploded in space to prevent catastrophe, no one knew.

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His lifeless body had been delivered to the amphitheater at Pewter City by his AI hovercraft, with instructions on how the funeral would be performed provided by a bright orange, cueball-sized orb that followed the Commander like a dragonfly.

Lenny remembered when he encountered the alien 20 years earlier. A strong line of tornadoes was headed for the heart of Pewter City, and Commander Shake was able to divert them into the clouds – causing them to disappear into harmless puffs of air.

As the danger passed and he floated down toward the spectators on the ground, Commander Shake liked to greet people and shake their hands – hence his name. A humanoid creature who never explained who he was or where he came from, he wore a suit that looked to be composed of azure-colored steel. His eyes glowed yellow and his lips – thin and black – would appear only when he spoke.

And as Lenny – a “street stray” as unhoused kids like him were called – stood in awe, the planet’s prime protector walked toward him, kneeled down, and extended his right hand.

Lenny shook it, and saw sparks of electricity crackling up Commander Shake’s arm.

Lenny recalls feeling a slight shock when he clasped hands with his hero, but was too mesmerized to pay it much mind. What stood out more than anything, though, was what the Commander said to him:

“You’ll make me proud someday.”

It was a bittersweet memory on a very sad day, and the days would surely become sadder.

And soon.

Without a guardian, what would become of Earth?

There was already chatter that the Lepidosaurians were preparing for another invasion, and this time there would be no Commander Shake to stop them. Plus, new threats were popping up everywhere, waiting patiently to attack an undefended planet.

As for Lenny, well, the thrill he felt when Commander Shake spoke him long ago had faded into shame and embarrassment.

There was so much chaos in his brain he could never stick with any job – or relationship – and his favorite form of self-medication came from a distillery.

That’s why he was in Level 73 housing, which was basically sleeping quarters that came with two boxed meals per day. He was called upon by officials from the Conglomerate of Nations only when odd jobs were required, and he feared that no jobs would be required after the Lepidosaurians were done.

Dignitaries gathered to speak words of praise about the Commander. When they completed their eulogies, his coffin was placed in the hovercraft, which now acted as a rocket.

Silently, the craft shot toward the heavens, and just as it began to fade from sight it exploded in a spray of light and color.

While the pyrotechnics were pleasing to the eye, most of those watching the event couldn’t help but think this was the end – not just the end of Commander Shake, but the end of the world.

Lenny – whose neck was starting to ache – had stared at the craft from the time it launched to the time it disintegrated, and there was nothing left to see.

Except …

As looked out over the horizon, he could see projectiles coming toward Pewter City. They weren’t the Lepidosaurians – that much he could tell – but he feared they were a vanguard of some other malevolent force coming in hot to take advantage of Commander Shake’s demise.

As he squinted to make them out, the buzzer to his unit sounded, prompting him to go to the door.

Surely he wasn’t being called into work with an attack imminent.

As he waved his hand to open the portal, he was greeted by an orange orb fluttering at eye level.

On the floor was a small box.

“Greetings, Lenny,” said a voice coming from the sphere. “Please place your right hand on the box.”

Lenny didn’t know if this was the same orb that always accompanied Commander Shake, but it looked identical. And while he had no idea what was in the box, he didn’t hesitate to follow instructions.

The moment he made contact, sparks of electricity crackled up his arm and the box opened. In it was an azure suit.

“The planet is in danger, Lenny. Commander Shake shook your hand for a reason, just as he shook the hands of all those who are now converging on Pewter City for a reason.”

Lenny turned to spy an army of “commanders” outside of Level 73.

He smiled.

“So,” he asked the orb. “What do I do now?”

“You suit up. Commander Shake said you’d make him proud someday. This is that day.”

Squadron routs Charge

A big second half lifted the Squadron to victory./photo courtesy of RODTEE Media

The Birmingham Squadron’s Saturday started with news that center Trey Jemison had signed a 10-day contract with the Washington Wizards – taking an average of 13.6 points and 12.3 rebounds per game with him to the NBA.

It ended with the New Orleans Pelicans’ G League affiliate scoring an impressive 126-105 victory over the Cleveland Charge in front of 1,664 fans at Legacy Arena.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

Playing small(er) ball in the absence of Jemison, Birmingham got several good performances on the night, especially in the second half. The effort improved the Squadron to 5-5 in the regular season and marks the club’s third consecutive victory.

The Charge, the Cleveland Cavaliers’ developmental team, fell to 4-5.

“I just told them that was the most impressive win of our season, in my opinion,” Birmingham coach T.J. Saint said moments after the game. “We’ve come a long way and we have a long way to go, but to keep your head when all those about you are losing theirs, we did that. The timeout midway through the third quarter, we watched Cleveland walk to their bench distraught, and we told them we’re gonna press where it hurts.

“These guys are unbelievable.”

Izaiah Brockington had 29 points and 11 rebounds to register the double-double, while Malcolm Hill continued his hot shooting with a game-high 30 points.

“I came out wanting to be aggressive,” Brockington said. “I just wanted to get downhill and build off of that … make threes, and make plays for my teammates.”

E.J Liddell added 16 points, Devin Cannady scored 14 and Jalen Crutcher finished with 10.

“I think Izaiah deserves a chance in the NBA,” Saint said. “I think he’s a Bruce Brown (Toronto Raptors small forward) type player, but he can shoot better. Just give him a chance.”

Birmingham crushed Cleveland on the boards, 54-39.

“We’ve been emphasizing our defense, and with Trey being called up, we changed a few things,” Saint said. “But NBA basketball … you can’t practice a lot, you can only walk through, go to film sessions, and adjust. And they did that – they adjusted.”

Sharife Cooper topped Charge scorers with 22 points, followed by Isaiah Mobley (20), Aleem Ford (20), Emoni Bates (14), Devontae Shuler (12) and Malik Fitts (10).

Brockington and Cannady had hot hands for Birmingham in the first quarter, scoring 10 and nine points, respectively, to help the home team grab a 32-25 lead after 12 minutes.

But Bates and Mobley got busy for the Charge in the second frame, allowing the visitors to quickly erase the deficit and surge ahead.

The biggest boost for Cleveland came from Ford, who came off the bench to net 14 points.

But even after allowing the Charge to lead by as many as eight, the Squadron rallied in the waning moments of the quarter to take a 64-63 lead into the locker room.

Hill – who started off slow by Hill standards – finished the first half with 14 points to tie Cannady for high-point honors across the opening 24 minutes.

Liddell opened the third quarter with a 3-pointer, and Birmingham scored the first nine points of the period to go up by 10. It started a trend, and with Cleveland struggling from the inside and outside, Birmingham was able to gain some breathing room and take a 99-85 lead into the final quarter.

The Squadron turned it into a blowout in the fourth, leading by as many as 26 points before settling on a 21-point blowout.

As of late Saturday night, Birmingham was just a half game out of playoff position and one and a half games out of first place in the Eastern Conference.

The Long Island Nets lead the East with a 7-4 record.

“We try to take every game as it comes, and focus on the task at hand, which is winning the next game,” Brockington said.

“But we knew with this home stretch we needed to capitalize on it, so we definitely want to stack wins on top of each other.”

The Mayor goes to Washington: Sad news for Birmingham basketball fans was very good news for one of their favorite players as Jemison – nicknamed “The Mayor” – got his NBA shot with the Wizards.

The former UAB standout played 24 games with the Squadron, recording 11 double-doubles over the last 14 contests.

A 10-day contract means a free agent signs a contract that lasts 10 days or three games, whichever comes later. A player can also be signed to a second 10-day contract by the same club.

Shortly after Jemison’s departure was announced, the team added forward Josh Nzeakor, who has played for three G League teams this season and appeared in a Squadron jersey 15 times in 2022-23.

Last year he averaged 5.6 points and 3.3 rebounds for Birmingham.

OTD in 1948: The Birmingham Vulcans of the Southern Professional Basketball League lost to the Young Men’s Hebrew Association Bluejackets, 39-33, in a March of Dimes charity game played at the Municipal Auditorium.

Former Vulcans Ben Browdy and Abe Epsman led the YMHA upset with 12 points each.

Shag Williams was the high-scorer for Birmingham with 13 points.

OTD in 1992: The Birmingham Bandits of the Continental Basketball Association defeated the Rockford Lightning, 112-98, in front of 654 fans at State Fair Arena.

Despite dressing just eight players – two players left the Bandits to play internationally and one was suspended – Birmingham dominated the game.

Skeeter Henry scored 37 points on seven-of-21 shooting, and Jim Farmer added 25.

Next up: The Squadron hits the road for a two-game set against the Wisconsin Herd, the G League affiliate of the Milwaukee Bucks. The first game is Monday, 6 p.m., at Oshkosh Arena and the teams meet again on Wednesday, January 24, at 6 p.m. Birmingham returns home on Sunday, January 28, when the Windy City Bulls come to Legacy Arena for a 3 p.m. game.

The rivalry continues

I have a confession to make.

When it was announced that the United Football League would be divided into the USFL and XFL divisions, I rolled my eyes.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

I had really, really hoped both those brands would be retired.

As a true believer in USFL Prime, I didn’t like seeing the initialism revived in 2022 and slapped on a league that had nothing in common with the original other than team nicknames. And I’ve never understood the fascination with the XFL identity.

But you know what?

It makes sense for the maiden voyage of the UFL. Last year I watched fans of each league claim the circuit they followed was better, even though they had no way to prove it.

Now they can – sorta.

“I think it’s gonna be exciting,” said Birmingham Stallions boss Skip Holtz, who was in Birmingham earlier this month to preview his third season coaching spring pro football. “I mean, there’s been a lot of talk about the UFL. Not only is it gonna be the kickoff of the merger, but there’s also been a lot of debate and argument.

“Which was the better league? ‘Well, I think the USFL was better,’ and then someone else says, ‘I think the XFL was better.’ Well, we’re gonna have an opportunity to go head-to-head to start this thing out.”

Holtz guided Birmingham to championships in both seasons of the modern USFL, while the Arlington Renegades went from a 4-6 regular season team to league titlists in XFL 3.0’s 2023 season.

On March 30, the teams will lift the lid on the UFL at Choctaw Stadium, with the winner claiming braggin’ rights. Both champions will return plenty of familiar faces, and both have bolstered their rosters through free agent signings and dispersal drafts.

Division teams will play each other twice, and fill out a 10-game regular season slate with one game against each of the four teams in the opposite division.

Birmingham, the Houston Roughnecks, Memphis Showboats and Michigan Panthers make up the USFL Division, with Arlington, the DC Defenders, San Antonio Brahmas and St. Louis Battlehawks repping the XFL Division.

Thus, USFL and XFL devotees can spend two and a half months comparing pigskin sizes and know that the championship game will feature a rep from the “old” leagues. *

* The Houston Roughnecks were an XFL team in 2023, but are in the USFL Division in 2024 because they assumed the staff and player rights of the USFL Houston Gamblers. So, if the Roughnecks win the crown, it’ll count as a USFL “victory.”

“I think this is a first step to really solidifying spring pro football, and I applaud everybody involved,” Holtz said. “Fox, ABC, ESPN, the Rock (Dwayne Johnson), Dany Garcia, RedBird Capital … I mean, everybody that has been involved in making this happen. I think this is a great move. I think normally when you have mergers of this magnitude there’s  like a three-year process, and we’ve got this thing ready to go this spring.”

In terms of the product on the field, it should be really good. The USFL has shown for two seasons and the XFL, one, that there are plenty of players who can play at the pro level and play well. With only eight teams, every roster will be loaded with NFL near-misses – as well as guys who might be able to move up.

And with the “spring wars” over and each team playing home games in their home stadiums thanks to the hybrid-hub, there is greater incentive for more fans to buy tickets.

That’s not a problem for the Battlehawks – who averaged 35,104 fans during the 2023 XFL season – but it was an issue in other cities.

Average per game XFL attendance was 14,443 – and that was bolstered by St. Louis’ impressive support. The next best draw in the third reboot of the XFL was the Brahmas, who pulled in 14,983 fans per game.

In the USFL, the Stallions would occasionally flirt with 18,000 or so fans, but often drew several thousand less. Memphis reportedly averaged around 15,000 last year and Michigan, 10,000. No one knows for sure because the USFL wouldn’t release attendance figures.

“When you look at this new league, one thing that the XFL did was an excellent job of really supporting those programs,” Holtz said. “We want to make (47,100-seat Protective Stadium in Birmingham) the one place that everybody in the country says, ‘We don’t want to go there because they have a distinct home field advantage because of the way this community comes out supports this football team.’”

And while gate receipts will be important to the survival of the UFL, TV viewers will remain the primary gauge of success.

Last year the broadcast partners of the USFL – Fox, FS1 and NBC – pretended the XFL didn’t exist.

On XFL telecasts on ABC and ESPN, nary a word was uttered about the USFL.

Such pettiness no longer serves a purpose, and the result is more awareness across the airwaves.

“I think there’s a need for spring football for two reasons,” Holtz explained. “It’s one of the most popular sports in the country right now and to be able to have football year-round for people to support, to watch, to cheer for, to experience, is important.

“But I also think there’s a need for it because these young men are getting opportunities that wouldn’t be here if not for the UFL. You’re going to have a bunch of players that are going to have this opportunity to get on the field and showcase their talents and hopefully get another crack at the NFL.”

I don’t know which former league the first champion of the United Football League will come from, but I do hope in 2025 the USFL-XFL rivalry is laid to rest.

By year two of the UFL, it’ll be time to build for the future and leave a divided past behind.