Miss Hazel

The old woman slowly raised the spoon to her lips, took a long, noisy sip of soup, then lowered the spoon to the bowl, clinking the tip twice on the rim. She repeated the process several more times, occasionally pausing to take a bite of the cornbread muffin resting on a small plate beside the bowl.

“Excuse me, mam,” said the young man. “My friend and I noticed you were eating alone, and wondered if you might like some company.”

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She looked up at the smiling fellow, who was quickly joined by a slightly older gentleman. Although she had seen the pair sitting at a nearby table, she hadn’t paid them much mind.

“Why, that would be lovely,” she said. “It might be nice to have someone to talk to.”

The men, both wearing dark windbreakers and blue jeans, pulled up chairs and introduced themselves as Jerry and Mike.

“Jerry and I have been coming to this diner for quite a while now,” Mike said. “I don’t think we’ve seen you in here before.”

She smiled.

“Oh, I don’t get out too much,” she said. “And I feel a bit guilty coming here to eat when I have plenty of food at home. I live alone and sometimes I guess I just want to see people – besides the people I see on the TV. They’re like my companions now.

“My name’s Hazel, by the way.”

Hazel – with toffee skin and  shock of white hair – was a small, thin woman, adorned in a modest amber housedress and nursing shoes. What caught the attention of Jerry and Mike, however, were her gold earbobs and a huge diamond ring on her left hand.

The men asked what kind of soup Hazel was eating, flagged down a waiter, and ordered the same. Following some lighthearted chitchat, Mike’s tone turned serious.

“I’ve got to tell you Miss Hazel,” Mike said. “Those earrings and that big rock on your hand really make you stand out – and not in such a good way. I’ll let you in on a little secret … Jerry and I are private detectives, and there have been a lot of senior citizen robberies in this neighborhood the last few weeks. Some got kinda violent and ladies like yourself got hurt.”

Hazel’s eyes widened.

“My goodness,” she said. “You had me fooled … I figured private detectives would be wearing suits like you see on those police shows. My jewelry is about the only things I own that have any real value. I don’t spend much money these days, I’ve just tried to save most of it since my husband died a while back.

“In fact, I keep it in an old cardboard box in my bedroom closet at home. Last I checked I had nearly $13,000 in there, mostly 100 and 50-dollar bills. Don’t really trust banks, not with the way the world is.”

Mike and Jerry darted their eyes at each other.

“I’m afraid you’re the perfect target for people like that … bad people who prey on senior citizens. I tell you what, when we’re done here, why don’t we give you a ride home? We can offer you some safety tips to make sure you don’t become a victim.”

Hazel leaned over, grabbed her purse and placed it on the table. She reached inside and retrieved a bulging, red-checkered napkin.

“You boys are being so kind,” she said. “When I go out, I always make sure to carry some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies with me. I want you to have them.”

The men each took a cookie and gobbled it down.

“These are delicious, Miss Hazel!” Mike said. “Jerry, why don’t you pull the car around while I pay the check. We’ll meet you out front.”

Hazel shook her head.

“No, no …. It’s my treat,” she said. “I’ll pay.”

Once outside, Mike escorted Hazel to a grimy white van with an engine that sounded as though it was in dire need of a tune-up.

“It’s not much to look at, Miss Hazel,” Mike said. “But when you work undercover like Jerry and me, you don’t want to draw attention to yourself.”

Hazel chuckled.

“At least you have a vehicle,” she said. “If I go anywhere, I have to take the bus … or walk. I just live around the corner, though, so it’ll be a short drive.”

The trio arrived at her garden home in less than a minute, pulling up in the gravel driveway and shutting off the engine.

After Mike helped Hazel out of the van, he put his left arm around her and stuck a gun in her ribs with his right hand.

“Don’t say a word, lady, and you won’t get hurt,” said Jerry, who had bolted from the drivers’ seat and was shielding Hazel and his partner from the view of anyone standing on the street. “Just be really quiet and take us inside. Give us what we want and we’ll be gone in a flash. And you can start with that ring.”

Hazel, to her credit, didn’t seem frightened. In fact, she had a gleam in her eye when she took off her ring and bobs and placed them in Jerry’s hand. After reaching the front door she took out a key, opened it, and walked into the den with Mike and Jerry so close behind they seemed like dual shadows.

Standing in the middle of the room were 11 other women, all around Hazel’s age, and all wearing bright orange robes.

The men froze – and that isn’t a figure of speech.

Once they stepped foot in the house, they were immobile, able to hear but not move and see but not speak.

Hazel closed the door behind them.

“Ladies,” she said. “This is Mike and Jerry, and they were going to rob me. They’ve been on quite a crime spree lately. Of course, now that they’ve eaten our delicious cursed cookies, they aren’t going to do much of anything ever again.”

Hazel plopped down in a chair, cracked her knuckles and sighed.

“I know it’s not demon-hunting like we used to do back in the day,” she said. “But it’s still a good service – and one the whole coven should be proud of.

“Now, who wants to help me carry these boys to the backyard and heat up the cauldron?”

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