Ode to Charlie

A house with three animals shouldn’t feel empty.

I mean, there’s the Chihuahua, Steve, who is basically a firecracker wrapped in fur.

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And our two shelter cats, Thor and Bane, spend their days playing, fighting, and creating drama. When things get too quiet, they suddenly start galloping down the hallway at full speed, sliding as they round the corner in the bedroom and ultimately crashing into the closet with great sound and fury.

I call it NASCAR – the Natural Alliance of Sliding Cats And Ratcatchers.

They’re quite the threesome.

But it used to be a foursome, fronted by the most wonderful dog I’ve ever known, Charlie.

Chuck came into my life back in 2010 when he was already nearly two years old. A friend of ours from Alabama came for a visit while we were living in Greenville, South Carolina, and she brought Charlie with her.

He was a Shetland Sheep Dog who already had a good life, but was a timid little soul who lived among several other Shelties. Maybe, our friend thought, we might want to welcome him to our smaller, more diverse tribe.

Mary and I already had another dog and two cats then, but Charlie got along with them all immediately. He took a leisurely sniffing tour of the house, played a bit in the backyard, and spent his time smiling and wagging his tail. If he was in a shell when he arrived, he came out of it nicely.

Still, with a houseful of fur, perhaps we had reached the stage of life where it was time to downsize. So, knowing Chuck already had it made, we figured it was best to let him keep living in the environment he already knew.

But as Mary and our friend were saying their goodbyes, Charlie was on the futon with me and I was petting him. Then, he looked at me – eyes wide and bright, and tail swinging like a pendulum.

At that moment I called an audible and announced that, yes, I wanted to be his dog dad. I knew beyond a shadow of doubt he had to be part of my life.

Turns out, he was one of the best parts.

In the interest of full disclosure, Chuck – unlike most Shelties – didn’t display what one would call high intelligence. While others of his breed are always up for a chase or ready to retrieve a stick, Charlie preferred huddling with you on a chaise lounge and retrieving a snack.

But what he lacked in brainpower he made up for in sweetness.

One of my favorite “activities” was taking naps with him. At first when I’d lie down, he’d flop at the foot of the bed. Often when I’d wake up, I’d be greeted by a cold nose and hot breath because he’d have eased his way right up next to me, head on pillow.

And when we weren’t having a siesta, he enjoyed sitting next to me while I wrote, usually plopping his head on my knee and then settling in for a snooze.

But he was also genuinely kind, which might sound a bit odd when describing a dog. During his time with us, he was introduced to four different shelter cats. As we brought each one home, he was the first to greet them, usually with a head boop and a wag.

In recent years bedtime consisted of Mary, Steve and me under the covers and Charlie on the bedspread with Bane and Thor on either side of him.

He was like the center of a sandwich, only served between two slices of feline.

He didn’t bite, he rarely barked … he merely loved (and loved to eat). In a word, he was perfect.

Sadly, dogs are far too good for this world, which I guess is why they can’t stay in it long enough.

Aging finally took its toll on our beautiful boy, first causing deafness, then arthritis, then chronic kidney problems and near blindness.

So last Friday – when we sat on the futon together and he looked at me – I knew it was time to make the awful decision no one ever wants to make and let him go.

You bring animals into your life with a duty to house, feed and care for them, and you take on that responsibility gladly because you love them.

I’ve loved them all and mourned each passing, but I don’t know if I’ve loved any of them as much as I love Charlie.

And I have no clue when I’ll stop mourning. It’ll happen one day, but today is not that day. Lately, I keep thinking of those lyrics from Mr. Bojangles:

We spoke in tears of fifteen years
How his dog and him
They travelled about

His dog up and died
He up and died
After 20 years he still grieves

In the meantime, Steve is still a live wire, skillfully countering his obnoxiousness with undeniable cuteness.

As for Bane and Thor, they show me plenty of affection – when they’re not crashing together in their dash to the checkered flag.

I know time heals a broken heart, and my three four-legged boys are doing what they can to cheer me up. The house won’t always feel this empty.

But I also know there’ll never be another Charlie.

He was a very, very good boy … and having my heart filled with his unconditional love for more than 13 years makes me the luckiest dog dad who ever lived.

Football across the stars

The modern incarnation of the United States Football League pulled off that rarest of feats; not only did the made-for-TV spring/summer circuit survive its inaugural season, it was renewed for a second.

In 2022 all eight teams were based in a Birmingham hub, so the Birmingham Stallions were the only squad that actually played in the city bearing its name.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

The New Jersey Generals, Tampa Bay Bandits, Houston Gamblers, Michigan Panthers, New Orleans Breakers, Philadelphia Stars and Pittsburgh Maulers never once suited up in New Jersey, Tampa Bay, Houston, Michigan, New Orleans, Philadelphia and Pittsburgh.

This coming season there will be four hubs; Birmingham will host the Stallions and Breakers at Protective Stadium; Detroit’s Ford Field will be base camp for the Panthers and Stars; the Memphis Showboats (replacing the Bandits) will share Simmons Bank Liberty Stadium with the Gamblers; and home for the Generals and Maulers will be Tom Benson Hall of Fame Stadium in Canton, Ohio.

Yep, fans in Ohio will be asked to cheer for a New Jersey and/or Pittsburgh-branded team.

While league officials plan to eventually get all teams in the actual markets they represent, I think that’s secondary in the grand scheme of things. The USFL is a television series as much as it is a sports organization, so its owner – FOX – is more concerned about eyeballs watching the TV production than fans watching from the stands.

Good Triple A football presented in a major league way resulted in solid ratings from first week to last, meaning this USFL might’ve cracked the code when it comes to building a sustainable alternative football league.

Thus, they gave future football league founders a blueprint for success. And the way I see it, if it’s possible to identify teams with a city, state or region without actually having them play in that city, state, or region, why not go galactic?

Therefore, I respectfully request that the next person/group/business/corporation/network that decides to jump into the sports startup game forms the Interplanetary League of American Football (ILAF), which will compete in a single Earth-based hub for its first few thousand years of operation.

Each of the eight planets in our solar system will have a team to call their own, and to save you all time and effort I’ve taken the liberty to select nicknames for them. Please give a warm, alt-football welcome to the Earth Wind & Fire, Jupiter Auroras, Mars Rovers, Mercury Messengers, Neptune Voyagers, Saturn Rings, Uranus Probes, and Venus Flytraps. (Ideally, inhabitants of each planet would participate in a name-the-team contest, but that’s at least a millennium or two away).

Keeping with the interplanetary theme, the hub should be placed in an area known for space travel. To that end I suggest Brevard County, Florida, home of Cape Canaveral. A quick Google search shows that Rick Stottler Field is located on the Florida Tech campus in Melbourne, so that should do.

It’s primarily used for soccer and lacrosse and seats only 750, but that’s not a problem. The key is getting people from around the globe (and eventually, beyond) to watch on their TVs or mobile devices.

Who should be the ILAF’s broadcast partner?

The USFL has the FOX and NBC family of networks, and XFL 3.0 will be beamed via Disney’s ESPN, ABC and FX. If you’re looking at traditional, “major” networks, then CBS would be the logical choice.

But I’m not logical, and I choose to stick with a theme.

Therefore, Pluto TV should televise all the ILAF games.

I mean, it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Pluto is a dwarf planet and the ninth-largest known object to directly orbit the Sun (and of course I’m referring to the trans-Neptunian object and not the network … the network is located on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, which is roughly 91.525 million miles from the Sun. I’m not sure about its square footage).

It’ll be fun to see Drew Barrymore do commercials for the ILAF, although Pluto advertisements tend to haphazardly break into programming. That could prove to be irritating, especially in the middle of a play.

The more I think about it, though, the more I think it could work.

Put together some good logos, uniforms and color schemes, and I guarantee people would snatch up T-shirts, hoodies and hats repping ILAF teams.

In addition, a league of planets lends itself to catchy slogans.

“Mars Attacks!” could tie in to both the 1996 Tim Burton movie and the high-octane offense of the Rovers.

Saturn could go with, “Saturn: We run rings around the competition.” A secondary theme might be, “Saturn: We stopped building cars so we could build champions.”

And T-shirts that proclaim, “Jupiter … it’s a gas, gas, gas,” and “They’re not Uranus, they’re OURanus” would fly off the shelves.

Probably.

However, one big difference between the ILAF and USFL involves the timeline of franchise placement. I’m confident that if the USFL takes root, it’ll migrate to local markets. When it comes to moving ILAF clubs to their home planets, though, league officials will have no choice but to play the long game.

The desire to have the Rovers ply their trade in a domed stadium near scenic Olympus Mons must wait for colonization of the Red Planet as well as a combination of public and private funding for the venue. The holdup might be whether to use New Republic Credit (Star Wars) or Energy Credits (Star Trek) to pay for it.

And the temperature on Venus is anywhere between 820 and 900 degrees. Thus, just about all the Flytraps’ home games would have to be played at night.

Plus, Venus is more than 141 million miles from Earth, so that’ll make road trips exhausting for the Wind & Fire. It’ll be even worse if they try to cut costs and travel by bus.

Oh, and one hour on Mercury is equal to roughly 58 hours on Earth. You’ll want to stock up on plenty of beer and snacks for Messengers home games (and hope they never, ever go into overtime).

But we can worry about the minor details later.

For now, let’s concentrate on spreading alt-football hub love throughout our solar system.

And if the TV ratings are good enough, ILAF expansion in the Milky Way Galaxy might happen sooner than you think – possibly within the next 10,000 years.

Earth and Kepler-186f would be one heck of a gridiron rivalry.

A Christmas wish

Some stories start off sad and end up happy.

Some stories start off happy and end up sad.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

Then there are those stories that blend tears with smiles, and you find yourself trying to write the ending.

That leads me to another Christmas Day, and another decision to make about how I choose to feel about it.

Do I pick Christmas Day, 1994, or Christmas Day, 1970?

Is it really even my choice to make?

See, on December 25, 1994, my dad died. Just weeks earlier he had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, and by December 20 he was already in hospice care.

I was with him when he passed away, cringing as I watched him struggle to breathe and staring at a clock that showed 3:12 p.m. when the breathing stopped.

It was the worst day of my life.

Like many people I grapple with severe depression and man, oh man, did that event start a freefall. Pop was my best friend and my hero, and suddenly he was gone.

And it happened on Christmas Day.

So, are you sufficiently bummed out yet? Can’t blame you. That tale is quite the buzz-harsher.

Please try to bear with me, though, because things get better – even though I thought they never would.

I spent a long time “celebrating” every Christmas Day by reliving the one from 1994 – the one that saw part of my world end.

But as Christmas Day, 2022, is at hand, my mind no longer goes back to 1994, but to 1970.

I was a kid, one who had been mesmerized by the New York Jets’ win over the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III. While Joe Namath and company wouldn’t recapture the magic again, they were cemented as my favorite team. And all I wanted for Christmas was a department store New York Jets football uniform (complete with plastic helmet, jersey, pants and shoulder pads).

I made this request quite clear.

“Pop, I sure would like a New York Jets football uniform for Christmas,” I said.

If you’ve ever read me before you know my father was a Green Bay Packers fan, so his response was colored by green and yellow instead of green and white.

“You mean you don’t want a number 15 Packers uniform?” he said with a grin. “You’d look good dressed up like Bart Starr.”

I guess I knew he was kidding, although I couldn’t be sure. And had I torn open a package containing a yellow helmet with a big “G” on the side, I would’ve still been happy. I loved the man dearly, so he could’ve gifted me with a rock and it would’ve been just the rock I had always hoped for.

But of course, it was a Jets kit, courtesy of our friends at J.C. Penny. As far as presents go, it was the best one, from the best dad (who was also my best friend).

And it happened on Christmas Day.

So, I suppose now you’re wondering how I’m able to make my memory default from that awful Christmas to my happiest one.

That’s a good question, and a fair one.

Depression – or at least the way it affects me – is akin to being attacked by a gang of demons that vary in size and strength from day to day (and sometimes moment to moment). When you’re lucky, you can brush them back with a broom.

When you’re not, they will absolutely beat you senseless.

I guess one Christmas Day I just got tired of getting my butt kicked.

So, instead of waking up preparing to be overwhelmed with a profound feeling of loss, I concentrated really, really hard and tried to remember the healthy, happy Pop – the one who lived, not the one who died.

And the more I dug deep into my memory, the more I realized as happy as I was forcing a green jersey over shoulder pads and squeezing into that Jets lid, he was even happier. It was a great day for me, but a great day for him, too. That shared moment now seems more like a treasure, because it is a treasure.

And this season, that brings me comfort and joy.

Look, much of what I’m rambling on about sounds trite; I’m acutely aware we can’t always take our mind where we want it to go. Some days, the sadness is so overwhelming we can barely move. I mean, if we knew how to rid ourselves of depression we’d all do it, right?

Knowing that, I can’t promise you that next Christmas my ruminations won’t revert back to December 25, 1994, at 3:12 p.m.

What I can tell you, though, is that time – and the knowledge that there are caring people everywhere – has helped me give far more weight to my best Christmas than my worst one.

And that nasty gang of demons? Well, sometimes they’ll win.

But other times, they won’t.

And what I hope you take from this is that I know how you feel, regardless of what you feel today and what you might feel tomorrow. There is help available, and sometimes we all need it.

So, this holiday season, I wish you strength and send you love and light. If you look hard enough, maybe you’ll find your own version of a Jets uniform under the tree.

Because things can get better, even though you might think they never will.

If you’re struggling and need help, call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org/chat.