Animals, animals, animals

As you’re probably aware from some of my writings and social media posts, I’m an “animal person.”

Obviously, I’m not an animal person like those found on The Island Of Dr. Moreau, although if I’m being honest, that has a certain appeal. (They’re called “Beast Folk,” by the way).

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Alas, I’m merely a human animal who has a deep love for nonhuman animals and enjoy their company immensely. All things being equal, I’d rather hang with them than people – present company excepted, of course.

What does all this mean, you ask? First and foremost, it means the animals living in my home are treated like family.

Why?

Because they are family.

I’ve always been partial to rescue dogs and shelter cats, and currently my wife and I have two of each. I’m not sure how we settled on four companions, but that seems to be the furry feng shui that has worked best for us over the years.

That’s eight hairy ears, 16 legs and four tails to keep track of all at once. It’s a lot, and things don’t always go smoothly.

During the course of any given week, we’re likely to deal with vomit and explosive diarrhea. But you know what? Vomit and explosive diarrhea were integral parts of my college years, so I’m not gonna hold it against the critters.

Yet, even when I leave the house, I seek out animal friends.

Take Bobby, for example. He’s the cheeky chipmunk who lives in a hole right beside our patio. He’s a bit high strung, but that’s OK. If I were a chipmunk and there were stray cats in the neighborhood, I’d be high strung, too.

After greeting him, it’s off to the lake that is less than a mile from our house. Because we’re regulars and go there almost every day, the ducks and Canada Geese have gotten to know us.

At first, the geese would boo and hiss when I’d pass. I didn’t blame them … they’re Canadian and I’m American, so they have every reason to be elbows up. After realizing I wasn’t trying to annex them, though, we’ve become buddies.

They know I’m on their side, and several of them actually come up to me, greet me with a hearty honk, and trot beside me as I walk. We talk about hockey and Neil Young, and have an all-around good time together.

I also have a warm relationship with Muscovy ducks, the most populous waterfowl at the lake. My favorite, who I call Charlene, recognizes me immediately and quickly waddles toward me when she spots me on the walking path. I like to think it’s because of my friendly face and pleasant smile, but more likely it’s due to the fact that I always carry rolled oats with me.

Other ducks have realized I’m holding, so they’ve come to expect treats as well. I make sure they’re never disappointed.

Now, I don’t claim to have reached Dr. Dolittle status; I talk to animals with the understanding and expectation they won’t talk back to me. Well, my chihuahua Steve talks a little, but the words are mostly expletives – loud, piercing expletives.

Regardless, I’ve long had a close relationship with creatures great and small, and it has truly enriched my life.

Years ago a friend had a bearded dragon, Puff, and the little guy loved me. He enjoyed climbing up on my chest and falling asleep.

And I once knew a goat (I did not “know” the goat in the Biblical sense … being from Alabama requires me to address that stereotype and clarify) who would rub her head on me to the point I feared she might go bald. She was named Cliffie Cloven, by the way.

Turtles, frogs, rabbits, squirrels, lizards, chickens – if it clucks, quacks, bleats, mews, barks, honks, moos, neighs, crows, gobbles or ribbits – I want to be its friend.

And if it wants to be my friend, well, that’s about the best feeling in the world.

So yes, I am an animal person and quite proud of it. That being the case, once you’re done reading this please tell your dogs and/or cats I said hello.

Surprise party

The 100th birthday party of Marty Marcel was a small affair, but the friends who threw it made certain it was a festive one. There was a big birthday cake, of course, as well as colorful decorations and lively music. And Marty’s pals made sure he had plenty of his favorite drink, Kentucky Straight Bourbon.

Thirty minutes into the event, Marty and his eight buddies – led by Gray – had already polished off a fifth, thanks to a series of toasts.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Bluesky @scottadamson1960.bsky.social

“Here’s to your health, Marty!”

“Happy hundredth, and here’s to a hundred more!”

“To a great man and a true friend!”

Marty was still quite mobile and in decent health; he had been fortunate in that he never needed a wheelchair to get around. But the gears were surely starting to wear out, and he always had a cane with him – just in case.

“I don’t really need it, but it makes me look distinguished,” he’d say, “and I can fight off all girls who keep chasing me … especially Ethel.”

Earlier in the evening the staff at Pecos Retirement Village had held a celebration for him in the activity room, one that included the other residents. Most were quite fond of Marty and Ethel was his “date,” as she was most anytime there was a reason to get together. She was 92, and Marty joked that it was a “Late December/later December romance.”

However, that low-key shindig was over in less than an hour. By 8 p.m., Ethel had exited with a yawn and the facility was mostly quiet as the inhabitants retired to their apartments.

But at 10 p.m., Marty’s oldest friends scooped him up in a very special “party bus” and started the real bash.

“You really shouldn’t have gone to all this trouble, Gray,” he said. “I mean, I do appreciate it, but you didn’t have to come all this way. After all, it’s just another day.”

“It’s not just another day,” said the chief party planner, pouring two fingers of whiskey into Marty’s glass. “It’s your day. And 100 is a pretty big number. You look a little different than you did back when we met you, but otherwise you haven’t changed much.”

Marty smiled and took a sip.

“Lordy, that was so long ago. I was 21 and had missed out on the war, but still felt like I needed to do my part, so I joined up. I have to admit, I was awfully full of myself and thought I was king of the world when I put on that uniform … then I ran into you rascals and realized how small my world was.”

Gray opened another bottle of whiskey.

“We were glad you did … me, especially. I was in rough shape from the crash and none of us had any idea what to expect when you came along. We were afraid after you saw us, you’d start screaming. Or worse, shooting.”

Marty shook his head.

“I wouldn’t have done that. I couldn’t have done that. You were all funny looking to me with your big heads and little bodies, but I reckon I was funny looking to you, too. Maybe I should’ve been scared, but I wasn’t. Even when I was a little boy, I figured with all those stars up there, there had to be somebody else besides us.”

Gray – the leader of the group of extraterrestrials – downed another glass and quickly refilled it.

“If you hadn’t told everybody it was just the remains of a weather balloon, who knows what would’ve happened?” Gray said. “Being so close to the Roswell Army Air Field wasn’t exactly an ideal place for us to have an accident. But you helped us, gave us time to make repairs, and we’ll always be grateful. Which reminds me … you’re always welcome to go back with us. As you can see, we have plenty of room here on our craft. And once we get home, we can make your bones stronger and even add on a few more years if you like.”

Marty appreciated the gesture, but decided to pass. For better or worse, Earth was his home.

“Thanks, Gray, but I think I’ll stay put,” he said. “The International Balloon Fiesta is coming up soon in Albuquerque, and the village here is planning a bus trip there. I’ve already promised Ethel I’ll be her arm candy.

“Anyway, let’s have one more drink … and then you better beam me back down.”

In praise of naps

There was a meme a while back that proclaimed, “Dear Naps, I’m sorry I was mean to you when I was a kid,” or something to that effect.

Apparently, there were and are children who don’t like going to sleep early in the day. I must confess that I was not one of those kids.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Bluesky @scottadamson1960.bsky.social

Sleep – and any opportunity to sleep – has always been a real treat for me. Even if an adult was trying to trick me into it, I played along.

For example, I distinctly remember the ruse Mrs. Baker, my first grade teacher, used to prompt naptime. After we’d come in from recess, she’d say, “Children, put your heads down on your desk and close your eyes … we’re going to play the quiet game.”

I saw right through that scam. I’m sure there were some low information first graders who thought the goal was to merely sit in silence, but I knew Ms. B wanted us to cat nap (even though no cats were involved).

I never told my nice teacher this, but in my mind the “quiet game” was the “snooze and drool” game – and it was a game I played to win. Within seconds of her command, my oversized noggin was nudged against my folded arms and I was drifting away. Before you knew it, I was dreaming about eating paste with Dick, Jane, Sally, Spot, Puff and other characters from the Dick and Jane Literary Universe.

Sadly, sanctioned naps were phased out by the time I was in third grade, and that made me sad. I was always down for the quiet game and felt it should have a permanent role in my continuing education. And by sitting in the back of the classroom for the balance of my grammar school years, it did.

Fortunately, I even managed to make time for naps in high school and frankly, it was easy to do. If you played a sport, physical education was replaced by something called “Athletics.” Basically, if you were on a varsity team, you were exempt from P.E. classes so you were given a free period.

I did not waste mine.

I played soccer and ran cross country, and practices were always after school. I felt the best way to prepare for those workouts was to sleep during Athletics.

If you don’t think the top bleacher of a high school gym is a good place to nap, well, you’re wrong. The sound of bouncing basketballs and whistles is quite soothing once you get used to it.

And as for college, many of my elective courses were simply fronts for naps.

I took Music Appreciation 101 and was told by the instructor on the first day that the tests would be based strictly on material from the textbook. Classes, on the other hand, were for listening and enjoying various musical genres. So, I read the book at night, and used the class to catch some Zzzzzzs.

I’ve often wondered what music was played during that class.

Not even my social life was immune to naps.

Once – following a romantic dinner at Wanda’s House of Lard – my date wanted to see A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.

I’d already lost interest in the franchise, so this was a perfect title for what I had planned over its 96-minute run time.

The hope was I could convince her that I was closing my eyes because Freddy Krueger scared me, but she didn’t buy it.

We never went out again, and I can only assume it was due to my loud snoring during a pivotal Heather Langenkamp scene.

Now, jump to the present. I’m retired, and that means I don’t have to give a reason for taking a nap. I can do it anywhere at any time and you’re all powerless to stop me. If I choose to flop down in the middle of the spice aisle at my local supermarket, you should step over me and mind your own business.

When at home, naps usually take place right after lunch. Two dogs and two cats will pile up with me, and more often than not, the nap lasts the full 90-minute cycle.

The hour and a half naps are great because they’re like a fun-size regular sleep. I also apparently burrow my head in my pillow because when I arise my hair calls to mind Professor Irwin Corey (put that name in your search engine, kids).

And the best part of taking naps now is that sometimes, I don’t even need them … I just take them for sport. While there are those among us who think sleep is wasting valuable time, to me it is valuable time – and time well spent.

So, if I were to make a meme, it’d probably read, “Dear Naps, thank you for always being there for me.” Not great, but perhaps I can come up with something a bit catchier.

Let me sleep on it.