Category: Sidewinder Insider

OK, I realize that the American men’s soccer pyramid features Major League Soccer at the top, the United States Soccer League Championship a step below, MLS Next, USL League One and the National Independent Soccer Association occupying the third rung on the ladder and USL League Two, NPSL, UPSL and NISA Nation representing the fourth tier.

For the purposes of this column, however, let’s pretend we’re only dealing with MLS, the USL Championship and USL League One.

Now, travel with me back in time (through research … I don’t have the budget to use cool portals like you see in big-budget movies) and visit July 30, 1988.

That’s the date that Werner Fricker, president of the United States Soccer Federation, sent out a press release that detailed his plans for professional soccer in America.

The U.S. had just been awarded the 1994 World Cup, and part of the deal with FIFA was that the country had to develop a First Division pro league. With the demise of the North American Soccer League in 1984, there was no established major circuit in operation in 1988.

Fricker’s release was chock full of details, but the one that really jumps out to me came under the heading “The Future of Pro Soccer.”

The U.S. Soccer Federation has developed a plan for the reorganization of professional soccer in the United States. The plan calls for a First, Second and Third Division professional structure, with a system of promotion and relegation that will be unique to American professional sports. Under the new system, any community in America, provided it meets the proper standards, could field a team in the new professional league.

Wow.

Had that idea come to fruition, this year in domestic pro men’s soccer would look quite different.

Using the European pro/rel model (and sticking with the alternative timeline trope), Inter Miami CF are MLS champions by virtue of having the best regular season record in the league, while the Chicago Fire FC, New England Revolution and  San Jose Earthquakes suffer relegation to the USL Championship.

Louisville City FC and the Charleston Battery earn promotion to MLS from USLC, and Detroit City FC, Colorado Springs Switchbacks FC,  Rhode Island FC and Memphis 901 compete in a playoff for the final MLS promotion spot.

Miami FC, El Paso Locomotive FC and Monterey Bay FC tumble to USL One, with Union Omaha and Northern Colorado celebrating promotion to the USLC and Forward Madison FC, Greenville Triumph SC, One Knoxville SC and the Charlotte Independence battling in a promotion playoff for the last 2025 spot in American soccer’s Second Division.

Pretty cool, huh?

I love the idea that a minor league team can become a major league team through sporting merit, and for a few years I spent a lot of time howling at the moon about pro/rel soccer here in America.

“If we can’t have it here,” I screamed, startling many of the customers gathered at Trader Joe’s, “then it’s not worth having at all!”

But you know what?

It’s not gonna happen – at least not in a way that truly matters.

That ship sailed, sunk and rests at the bottom of the ocean 36 years after Fricker’s bold plan.

Ask 100 people why it never came to pass and you might get 100 different answers.

For one thing, Fricker lost his USSF reelection bid to Alan Rothenberg in 1990. Rothenberg, of course, went on to chair the World Cup 1994 Organizing Committee and helped oversee the establishment of MLS, which began play in 1996.

That league works under a single entity structure with each club owned by MLS but individually operated by investors. And while most franchises lose money, they’ve increased their value substantially over what they were worth originally.

A piece in Forbes in February stated that the average MLS club is worth $658 million (LAFC became the MLS’s first $1 billion franchise last year) and the expansion fee is now $500 million, up from $200 million in 2019. That gives off something of a Ponzi scheme vibe, but I have less than $300 in my checking account, so I’m not really qualified to comment on high finance.

Recently, Forbes gave a glowing review of the current status of MLS:

Boasting a league-high 23,194 average attendance at the All-Star break, MLS announced it has welcomed 8.3 million fans to matches so far, the most in league history by date in any season. With average attendance across the league’s 29 teams averaging 94 percent of capacity with a midseason-record 153 sellouts, fans aren’t just coming to the marquee matches. Season ticket sales league-wide are up 12 percent from the same time last season, with 25 of 29 clubs seeing increases from 2023.

The point is, people who invest that kind of money aren’t doing it at the risk of seeing their clubs lose First Division status. And frankly, rank-and-file American soccer fans seem fine with that arrangement. They’re used to having champions determined by playoffs/tournaments at the close of regular seasons in all other sports, anyway.

So, the worst team in MLS this year will return to the circuit in 2025, just as the trophy lifters in the USL Championship can only hope to add more USLC hardware a year later.

Throw in the fact that pro soccer in the United States doesn’t follow an international schedule (most of the rest of the world’s leagues started play in August), and you’re basically dealing with a different sports animal.

The USL has hinted at trying pro/rel, but that would be contained within the league’s sandbox.

There are lower division leagues that do it as well but, again, it’s an in-house thing.

All this used to bother me and hindered my enjoyment of U.S. men’s pro soccer but – and I truly hate this phrase – it is what it is.

I’ve come to view MLS, USL, etc., a bit like I view the United Football League (and the USFL and XFL before it). It’s a fun product to watch in the “offseason.”

Just as the NFL and college football are my primary tackle football focus, the Bundesliga, English Premier League, Scottish Professional Football League, Serie A, La Liga and college soccer offer the brand of association football most interesting to me.

That doesn’t mean I have to ignore what’s offered in my own country.

Anyway, Fricker’s pro/rel idea was in keeping with the traditional structure of world football. Promotion playoff battles are some of the most compelling in all of sports, and I think it would’ve been glorious.

Regardless, thanks for traveling back in time with me so I could write a few hundred words about something that didn’t happen. On the bright side, it’s hard to miss what you never had.

I don’t like to brag, but in the world of association football I’m something of a tycoon. You see, I’m part-owner of not one, not two, but three professional soccer clubs.

There’s Celtic FC, members of the Scottish Premiership and my most favored side.

I am the proud owner of one ordinary share of one pence – fully paid – in Celtic PLC (subject to the articles of association of the company, of course). I even get an annual vote on who should serve as board members.

Celtic open against Kilmarnock today to start the 2024-25 season, and I’ll be dressed for the occasion as I cheer on the 54-time Scottish champions.

Manchester United?

Yep … they’re mine. I became fascinated by the Red Devils when I first read about them in a book I found in my grammar school’s library. I’m the holder of one fully paid and non-assessable share of Class A ordinary shares, which is $0.0005 value per share.

I get voting privileges and each year the Premier League club sends me a check for nine cents. It goes directly into savings because I try to be responsible with my money.

And finally, I possess one share of Class S stock in Chattanooga FC, who started in the National Premier Soccer League (NPSL), moved to the National Independent Soccer Association (NISA), and now compete in MLS Next Pro. Saturday night they played Toronto FC II to a 1-1 draw, but picked up an additional point by winning on penalties.

I have a framed certificate, yard sign and T-shirt that says “Chattanooga FC Owner,” so you know it’s legit.

While I’m honored to have a piece of these clubs, my first love – the New York Cosmos – remain in limbo. And I truly wish I had a financial stake in their future.

You remember the Cosmos … the team that won five championships and once featured the likes of Pele, Franz Beckenbauer, Giorgio Chinaglia and Carlos Alberto. They drew more than 77,000 to Giants Stadium during a North American Soccer League playoff game in 1977 (and averaged more than 42,000 spectators per home match that season).

Ah, those were the glory days.

The last competition for a Cosmos-branded team was September 28, 2020 – a 2-1 loss to the Los Angeles Force in the NISA Fall Tournament played at Keyworth Stadium in Hamtramck, Michigan. Attendance was zero since it was contested during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Not long after that defeat, the Cosmos canceled their spring season, went on hiatus, and haven’t been heard from since.

And this makes me sad, especially since I have a closet full of caps, T-shirts and jerseys that make it quite obvious I’m still a supporter.

The first version of the Cosmos folded in 1985, along with the rest of the NASL. The “retirement league” stocked with aging international stars finally fell out of favor with American soccer fans, who moved on to – well, things other than soccer.

But the Cosmos were reborn in 2010 in the modern version of the NASL. It was a second-tier league below Major League Soccer in the pyramid, but aspired to grow into a real competitor. I liked that circuit a lot and hoped it would ultimately reach First Division status and give MLS headaches.

The new NASL wasn’t the same as the old NASL, but I still embraced it – and the Cosmos. They reminded me of my younger days when I first became a fan of the Beautiful Game, and their iconic logo – colorful blades surrounding a ball –remains one of my favorite badges.

Sadly, NASL 2 died in 2017 after losing a lengthy legal battle with the United States Soccer Federation involving PLS (Professional League Standards), so I’d had the Cosmos taken from me for a second time.

But wait!

They kinda/sorta lived on in the fourth tier NPSL as a reserve team (New York Cosmos B) starting in 2015, and in 2019 they lost the “B” and became part of NISA.

And, technically, I guess they still are members of the independent circuit. But since they haven’t taken the field in nearly four years, that hiatus is starting to look more and more like a permanent vacation … a bye-atus, if you will.

And the guy who owns them, Rocco B. Commiso, has pretty much forgotten about them now that he’s owner/chairman of ACF Fiorentina of Serie A.

I certainly understand why he’d put all his energies into “La Viola” … the Italian league has a tad more juice than little ‘ol NISA. But if he isn’t going to do anything with the Cosmos, I wish he’d sell them.

And considering I have a claim in two international clubs and one domestic team, I humbly request that he sell them to me.

If you’re reading this Mr. Commiso, I currently have $147.26 in my checking account, and I can Venmo you $140 by Monday (I’m holding back the other $7.26 because I’m running low on bananas and need to make a quick run to the store).

As a billionaire, you don’t even need my money, which is what makes it such a lovely gesture on my part. And if you no longer care about the Cosmos, put them in the care of someone who does.

No, I don’t have a league to put them in, a place for them to play, or a coaching staff and players. I haven’t had time to research any of that because I didn’t even come up with this column idea until late last night. But what I do offer is a real passion for the club.

I might own some other teams, but this is the one that still owns my heart.

Anyway, I hope you’ll consider my offer. Because when I say “Cosmos Forever,” I really do mean it.

By 1976, I was deeply invested in association football.

I had a subscription to Soccer America magazine, owned Zander Hollander’s annual Complete Handbook of Soccer paperback, and spent a good deal of time kicking a ball around in my backyard.

Instead of a goal, I tried to shoot between the clothesline poles situated near the back of the fence.

It was a good confidence booster because while a soccer goal is 24-feet wide, the polls were roughly 36-feet apart.

As long as I sent the ball forward, it was hard to miss.

But the ball itself was one of those rubber “official size and weight” deals, and sported an American Soccer League logo. I have no memory of where I bought it – or why a store in Alabama even carried an ASL-branded ball – but it put the minor league on my radar and made me curious about the circuit.

This version of the ASL (the second) had been around since 1933, and even though it had a long history, it never managed to reach what you’d call “First Division” status. By the 1970s, it had been completely eclipsed by the North American Soccer League, which was still somewhat shiny and newish and stocked with big names.

But in 1976, the ASL pulled off a coup when it signed Hermann Trophy winner Steve Ralbovsky out of Brown University.

The 23-year-old Ralbovsky – who immigrated to the United States from Yugoslavia in 1970 – had been drafted by both the NASL’s Los Angeles Aztecs and the ASL’s L.A. Skyhawks, a first-year expansion team.

Going with the Aztecs seemed like a safe bet; Elton John had recently purchased a stake in the club to give it a huge publicity boost, and they were on the verge of signing George Best, considered one of the sport’s greatest players. Ralbovsky wasn’t completely sold, though.

“I think both leagues are of the same caliber,” he told United Press International. “The only difference is who gives me a better contract. It is in the hands of my attorney.”

Ralbovsky and Aztecs managing general partner John Chaffetz apparently didn’t hit it off. Chaffetz said he thought Ralbovsky would be a good addition to the club, but didn’t want to get into a “bidding war.” The ex-Brown Bear hinted that Chaffetz was too “matter-of-fact” in negotiations.

So, while Best reported to the NASL club on February 20, 1976, Ralbovsky – a midfielder/defender – cast his lot with the ASL that same day.

The Skyhawks offered him a heftier compensation package, and that sealed the deal.

“I believe that Steve, signing with our organization, has received the largest bonus ever paid a collegiate soccer player,” Skyhawks managing partner Jack Young said in a UPI story. “He not only is a tremendous soccer player, but a fine gentleman and will be a credit to our organization on and off the field.”

Ralbovsky, who speaks six languages, was an honor student at Brown and expected to be the face of the franchise. L.A. played at 10,000-seat Birmingham High School Stadium in the San Fernando Valley, which was arguably the top facility in the league.

For whatever reason, this storyline fascinated me. I was an NASL fan first – and supported the New York Cosmos – but I always liked underdog stories, and the ASL was most certainly that.

And hey … since I already owned an ASL ball, I felt it was my duty to show some love to the organization. Therefore, I decided the Skyhawks would be my ASL team and Ralbovsky my favorite player in the senior league.

Even before his rookie season began, he was already getting high marks from Skyhawks manager Ron Newman.

“This team has the potential to be my best team ever,” Newman told the News-Pilot newspaper for an April 15, 1976, story. “I’ve never recruited better players from Europe and we think we have the best college player in history on our side. You know, we might not only have the best team in our league, but the best team in the United States.”

Newman had spent the seven previous seasons with the NASL Dallas Tornado, and guided the team to a championship in 1971.

With former Scottish star Jimmy Rolland, Ron Yeats of Liverpool, a bevy of British transfers and another rookie hotshot, Brooks Cryder of Philadelphia Textile, on the roster, the gaffer’s optimism was well-founded.

Thanks to Soccer America, I was able to follow the team throughout its 1976 campaign – at least in print.

They finished the regular season with an ASL-best 13-6-2 record, scoring 41 goals while allowing just 15.

L.A. beat the Tacoma Tides, 2-1, in the semifinals of the ASL playoffs and defeated the New York Apollo, 2-1, in the championship match.

Ralbovsky made 22 appearances that year, scoring two goals and playing outstanding defense. His performance was good enough to earn co-Rookie of the Year honors in the ASL, and make me glad I hitched my fanwagon to him and the Skyhawks.

I wish I could tell you I remained a huge fan of both the player and team for years to come, but I didn’t.

Ralbovsky jumped to the NASL Chicago Sting in 1977, and since I was all about Pele, Franz Beckenbauer, Georgio Chinaglia, Shep Messing and the Cosmos, he kinda got lost in the shuffle.

And L.A.’s ASL entry folded after the 1979 season; by then I had completely lost interest in the league.

Still, for one season it was fun to channel my inner-Ralbovsky and kick that rubber ASL ball around in the yard.

It’s a piece of memorabilia I wish I still had – as well as all the youthful enthusiasm that came with it.