Category: History and More

Now that I no longer work at a newspaper, that means I no longer have to tiptoe around topics that might offend publishers, advertisers and editors.

I can write what I think without caring what anyone thinks of what I write.

And that being the case, today I’d like to admit that – for the most part – I couldn’t care less about the Winter Olympics. Unlike the Summer Games, where I’ll watch almost anything contested during the quadrennial gathering, much of the cold weather competition just doesn’t interest me.

Oh, I’ll watch hockey because I’m a hockey fan, and the bobsled event is fascinating because … well, I don’t know. It just is.

Barring those events, however, I’d just as soon leave it all alone.

Obviously, I hope my fellow countrywomen and countrymen do well and appreciate all the hard work they’ve put in. It’s just that their sacrifices don’t inspire me to actually sit down and witness the labor of their love.

The PyeongChang 2018 Olympic Winter Games begin today. On Thursday, NBC will showcase figure skating starting at 8 p.m. – opposite the Duke vs. North Carolina basketball game.

Guess what I’ll be watching?

That being said, I’m not one of those sanctimonious types who think if I’m not interested in a sport you shouldn’t be, either, or that it isn’t worth following.

If you enjoy it then it’s worthwhile, no matter what sport it is. I think it’s great if you like things such as Nordic Combined, Skeleton and curling.

But I didn’t even know what Nordic Combined was until I looked it up.

At first glance the phrase led me to believe it might be a service I’d have to pay extra for if I was visiting a house of ill repute in Finland.

That’s not the case, though.

Nordic Combined is actually ski jumping and cross country skiing. To be good at it takes great skill. Hell, to be bad at it takes great skill.

But you know what else takes great skill?

Removing an appendix.

If you went to the emergency room with a ruptured appendix that required removal, I would be quite impressed with the doctor doing the surgery.

However, I wouldn’t want to see it.

And I don’t care to see Nordic Combined, either. Unlike an appendectomy I’m not repulsed by it or anything, it’s just not on my list of things to observe.

Same goes for Skeleton, which was also something I was completely unfamiliar with until I looked for it on the interwebs.

Skeleton “…requires individuals to ride a small sled down a frozen track while lying face down and forward facing.”

I used to do something similar to that when I was young and there was a rare snow. Of course I just called it “sledding.” Really though, since I led with my face, it should’ve probably been called, “dumbass sledding.”

But Skeleton sounds better than Dumbass Sledding (unless you’re competing in the Jackass Olympiad).

And of course, there’s curling.

I once poked fun at curling in a column, only to be schooled by a reader on what the sport entails.

So to prevent offending the curling community again, let me say I have nothing but respect for the women and men who put polished granite stones on ice and slide them toward a target while other women and men use brooms to frantically sweep in front of the polished granite stones.

But as is the case with Nordic Combined and Skeleton, it just doesn’t excite me and there’s no use pretending that it does.

Much of the airtime from the Winter Games will be devoted to ski jumping, figure skating and speed skating, things I have never done and never will do.

For millions of people, however, each of those activities are mesmerizing.

Yet the first event I plan to watch is on Feb. 14 when the United States men take on Slovenia in a Group B hockey showdown. There are no NHL players participating this time out, but hey – Miracle On Ice.

Then on Feb. 20, the women’s and men’s bobsled teams will begin competition, so I’ll check out a bit of that as well.

Beyond that, I’ll leave it to the rest of you guys to drink deep of the thrills and pageantry that comes with skiing, sledding, skating and sweeping ice.

And to all of the competitors representing the United States in those other pursuits, please know that I’ll be rooting for you.

I just won’t be watching you.

In case you haven’t heard (but I suspect you have), Vince McMahon is bringing back the XFL in 2020. You remember the XFL, right?

It was the one-and-done league from 2001 that mixed bombast and sleaze with subpar football. It went out of business because – by the end of its lone campaign – so few people cared about it there was no reason to keep it around.

That McMahon is giving football another try isn’t all that puzzling since he seems to have a genuine passion for the game. Not sure why he is reviving the XFL brand, though, because it will only remind us what a failure the original was.

But he’s got some disposable income and really wants a gridiron do-over, so more power to him.

He mentioned last Thursday when he announced the revival that he wants suggestions on how his league should “reimagine” the sport. About the only things he seems intense about are shorter games (around two hours) and no halftime (a move which might make for some really sloppy play by tired players in the fourth quarter).

But, as a fan of Brand X leagues I have a few ideas and am not shy about sharing them.

The first and best, of course, is to raid the NFL for talent and field teams with the best players possible. But even though Vince has deep pockets, I doubt they’re that deep.

Most likely the new XFL, like the old XFL, will be stocked with players not good enough to stick on NFL rosters.

But that’s OK … if you can’t have the best players, you can make up for it by being wildly creative and having the best rules.

So here are some outside-the-box changes to consider …

Touchdowns will be worth 7 points instead of 6 (I stole that from the old World Football League), and the PAT kick is eliminated in favor of a run or pass from the 2-yard line with a successful conversion worth 1 point.
(There was no extra point kick in the old XFL, either, by the way).

I also think there needs to be creative ways for defenses to score points.

You can keep the safety, of course, but the unit can record a single point for their team by recovering a fumble or making an interception.

Radical? A little, perhaps.

But not nearly as radical as this; the new XFL should have no kickoffs, no punts and no first downs.
Each game begins with the team that wins the toss starting at its own 20-yard line. From there, it has 10 plays to try to score a touchdown or field goal.
If it fails to score, the opposition takes over wherever the drive ends. Or, if on its final down (the 10th down) a team finds itself deep in its own territory, it can concede two points to the opposition in exchange for the other team starting at its 20.

You always hear that football is a game of field position, and these rules truly up the ante when it comes to strategy.

McMahon said he wanted the new XFL to be concerned with player safety, so from that standpoint the elimination of kickoff returns should go a long way toward lessening the likelihood of concussions. I know fans love the “headhunter hits,” but I think it’s time we evolve when it comes to how the game should be played.

Other changes that would differentiate XFL 2020 from what you see in the NFL and college football:

• End zones are 20 yards deep (that rule is borrowed from the Canadian Football League) and goals posts are situated on the goal line.
• All backs are allowed in motion toward the line of scrimmage (also borrowed from the CFL).
• Receivers need just one foot in bounds to be credited with a reception AND as long as the pass catcher has the ball and keeps the ball from touching the ground up to the point that his knee hits the turf and ends the play, it will be ruled a completed pass.
• Any pass that is “thrown away” is considered intentional grounding (spiking to stop the clock is excluded).
• Teams have 20 seconds to snap the ball after officials give the “ready to play” signal.

Anyway, if you’re reading this Vince, I hope these suggestions help. And if, in 2020, I can see the Birmingham Brigade faced with a 10^th and goal situation against the San Diego Surf, I’ll feel that my work here is complete.

As a fan of the New York Jets, I can’t imagine ever rooting for the New England Patriots. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m legally required to loathe them.

But the Birmingham Patriots?

Yeah, I’m guessing I could’ve gotten behind them, even if it meant I had to drop Joe Namath, Don Maynard and the Flyboys to my No. 2 spot.

New England rallied to defeat Jacksonville on Sunday in the AFC Championship Game, again advancing to the Super Bowl and adding another chapter to the legend of Tom Brady and legacy of Bill Belichick.

You can hate the pretty boy QB and evil genius coach all you like, but theirs is a dynasty unlike any other with five Super Bowl conquests.

And if about 40,000 more fans had shown up at Legion Field back in September of 1968, the American Football League’s Boston Patriots might have morphed into the National Football League’s Birmingham Patriots – and I would’ve been wildly celebrating the win of my hometown team last weekend.

I suppose a bit of background is in order.

Boston was having stadium issues at the time (they played their 1968 home games at Fenway Park), and owner Billy Sullivan threatened to move the team if a suitable stadium wasn’t built. In fact, as part of an impending merger with the NFL, which became official in 1970, each AFL team was required to have a venue that seated at least 50,000.

That led AFL commissioner Milt Woodard to suggest the Patriots play a “test” game – which would be an actual regular season contest – somewhere else.

Legion Field seated 68,821 and, at the time, was one of the top facilities in the United States. So Sullivan decided to play a home game there against the New York Jets.

If a big crowd showed up, it might be enough to convince him to take his team to the Deep South.

The pot was sweetened since Namath, a University of Alabama product, was quarterbacking the Jets. Surely that would entice mass numbers of Crimson Tide fans to pack the stadium.

Sadly – at least for those of us who longed for an NFL team in the Magic City – Broadway Joe’s appearance did not have the desired effect on attendance.

A day after 63,759 fans watched Alabama beat Virginia Tech 14-7 at Legion Field, only 29,192 made a return trip to the “Gray Lady” to witness the Jets beat the Pats, 47-31.

Obviously, there’s no guarantee that the Patriots would’ve moved even if a capacity crowd had shown up to cheer them on.

Owners like to use cities as pawns, and a market the size of Boston would’ve been a tough one to leave. Plus, there would have been plenty of other suitors lined up. (Ultimately, Sullivan got his new stadium and the franchise has lived happily ever after).

Still, the less than enthusiastic response knocked Birmingham out of the running. In retrospect, that brief window half a century ago was arguably the last real chance the Ham had of landing a franchise in an established, United States-based professional football league.*

*Birmingham did have a team in the Canadian Football League in 1995, one of the rare times the franchise died while the league survived.

When the World Football League folded midseason in 1975, both the Birmingham and Memphis clubs petitioned for admission to the NFL, but that mini-merger was never seriously considered.

Besides, the NFL had already announced that Tampa Bay and Seattle would join the league in 1976.

So while Birmingham has also been home to the United States Football League, World League of American Football and XFL, it can likely forget about ever becoming part of the NFL.

Therefore, instead of wearing an oversized blue jersey and tricorne while supporting the Birmingham Patriots on Sunday, I cheered wildly for the Jaguars (a team I otherwise care nothing about) simply because there is no team in professional football I like less than New England.

Man, jealousy sucks.