OK, so let’s talk about the Alabama Beavers, shall we?
I realize those of us who are spring pro football enthusiasts are focused on the debut of the United Football League March 30, and there’ll be plenty of time to write more about the USFL/XFL blended family in weeks to come.
Rest assured, I will.
But, as someone whose ears always perk up when I hear “professional football” and “Alabama” share the same sentence, I have to weigh in on the franchise in the fledgling International Football Alliance.
In case you didn’t know, the IFA is a circuit that aims to feature both Mexican and American clubs, and plans to start play in 2025.
The proposed 10-team lineup for the inaugural season consists of the Beavers, Cancun Sharks, Dallas Pioneros, Gulf Coast Tarpons, Las Vegas Kings, Portland (nickname pending), Rebelión Tarahumara, Tampa Bay Tornadoes, Tequileros de Jalisco, and another locale that has yet to be announced.
As is the case with flying cars, calorie-free cheesecake and a real-world Batman, I like the concept. They’ve even taken a page from the Canadian Football League in that there are roster ratios. For example, each IFA team can have no more than 20 American players, while the balance (53 players in all, 40 activated on game day) must be international (Mexican, European, etc.).
Money-wise, the IFA website states that salaries would be determined by each team but the league standard is $400 per game, per player, and $1,500 per game for quarterbacks.
Based on a 10-game season, that’s $4,000 for a non-QB while a signal caller would pull down $15,000 at the minimum.
Apologies for getting off-topic … just wanted to provide some background.
Anyway, the first mystery yet to be solved is where the team will play its home games.
I would assume Huntsville and Montgomery are the top candidates.
Why?
Because they are, in order, the first and second largest cities in the state. The Beavers are holding tryouts in Mobile on March 3, but the last line of the news release says the team will not be based out of the Port City.
I’ll take the Beavers at their word, while also reserving the right to view it as a misdirection play. We’ll have to see, I guess.
Of course, before I found out there would be tryouts in south Alabama, I looked to the source of all knowledge – Wikipedia – in an effort to find out which city, town or region in the state has the most beavers.
Actually, beavers can be found in all 67 counties, proving the animals are, indeed, busy.
That means any city could be in the running. Hang around somewhere in Alabama long enough, and you’re bound to run into a beaver.
As for Birmingham, it’s a highly unlikely locale. With the modern Stallions entering their third year, the Magic City appears set for spring football.
That club isn’t exactly shattering attendance records, so I can’t imagine The Ham supporting two clubs playing in the same offseason.
Still … the Stallions lease Protective Stadium, so Legion Field would be open. Something to think about if you like thinking about such things.
At any rate, let’s get back to the main point.
Why would you make “Beavers” your team’s sobriquet?
When I hear the nick, I think of the Oregon State Beavers and the Montreal Beavers (a franchise in the original United Football League which, incidently, was coached by Birmingham Vulcans boss Marvin Bass).
No place in Alabama prompts me to say to myself, “You know what … if a sports franchise is ever located here, they should be called the Beavers.”
In my mind, there are many better names for the team. When I think of Huntsville, I think of rockets. When I think of Montgomery, I think of a woman named Rhonda I met while visiting there several years ago.
She was nice and smelled of patchouli.
I doubt the name “Alabama Rhondas” would resonate with any fan other than me. “Alabama Rockets,” or “Alabama Capitals” might, though.
But look – just because the team is called the Beavers doesn’t mean I won’t support them.
I will.
As you might know, the 1995 Birmingham Barracudas were near and dear to my heart and I still miss having a CFL team in my backyard. I bought hats, T-shirts and all manner of memorabilia even though I thought (and still think) Barracudas was a terrible nickname to give a team located in central Alabama.
However, since there’s already a Beavers logo (a vicious brown critter with orange teeth and black trim) and team officials have settled on the name, I’m going to make the best of it.
“Dam them, Beavers … DAM THEM!” as well as “Pelt them, Beavers, PELT THEM!” would be cool cheers. Stallions fans yell, “Giddy Up!” whenever Birmingham makes a first down, and Beaver faithful could do something similar, like, “Slap that tail!” or “Dig it!”
Several professional sports teams have some sort of fan-involved gimmick to open each game, so I’d suggest selecting a ticket holder to fling a hatchet – known as the Beaver Cleaver – at a target featuring the opposing team’s logo.
Sadly, only the ancient among us would get that reference, so maybe that’s not a great marketing tool in the mid-2020s.
All kidding aside, I wish the IFA and Beavers luck because they’ll certainly need every bit they can conjure. With the UFL now the center of the spring football universe, there is little room for challengers. The graveyard of failed sports startups is a large one.
But dark horses do win races, so I’ll give them a chance.
And if they do actually make it to the playing field in 2025, I promise to buy a hat and T-shirt – and fully embrace “Beaver Fever.”
