Creepy Dumpster Guy

It had become something of a cruel ritual.

Each afternoon the kids would walk past the rusty, baby blue dumpster, taunting the odd man lurking behind it.

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“Look everybody … it’s Creepy Dumpster Guy,” yelled Randy. “Hey … Creepy, you found any tasty chicken bones in there? It sure stinks in there, Creepy Dumpster Guy. Is it you, or the trash we’re smellin’? Maybe you’re the trash.”

The man – dressed in an army jacket, blue jeans and green trucker’s cap – never responded. Still, the boys would laugh, staring him down as they continued on their way home from school. Sometimes they’d even empty the remnants of their lunch boxes on the pavement, occasionally wadding up napkins and throwing them at him.

“Come and get it,” they’d chant.

Jada had watched this go on for weeks, following the same path as the boys but staying well behind. She was quiet – had been for most of her 12 years – and said nothing to the young men who seemed to take great pleasure in making fun of the unfortunate fellow.

The first few times, she simply waited until the loudmouths had moved on, then she’d scurry quickly past the dumpster herself, trying not to make eye contact. One day, however, her pace slowed.

At first, she just gave him a quick glance, and then a smile.

Later, she’d wave – and Creepy Dumpster Guy waved back.

They didn’t speak – Jada didn’t really know what to say to him, anyway – but she wondered if hers was the only friendly face he’d see during the course of the day. That thought made her sad, but at least she was making an effort to be kind. Hopefully, she thought to herself, others were making the effort, too.

She had even started provided food for him. She and her family didn’t have a lot, but she was usually able to sneak an extra apple or banana into her paper bag while preparing her lunch each morning.

She’d place them a couple of feet away from the dumpster and scurry off, hoping Creepy Dumpster Guy would enjoy the fresh food, even if it was just a piece of fruit.

Fridays, unfortunately, were always especially rough for him. It was the end of the school week and a time when Randy and his minions saved their worst for Creepy Dumpster Guy.

The taunts were longer and more vicious, and at times it became physical. Often, they’d throw pennies at him.

“Hey, Creepy Dumpster Guy,” Randy would yell. “Why don’t you save these and go buy a new dumpster!”

But on this particular day the gang brought rocks, and thought it’d be funny to use the man for target practice.

Jada could hear the projectiles pinging against the dumpster, and the more she heard, the angrier she became. Although she had never confronted the boys and felt her mouth go completely dry as she began trotting toward them, it was time to put an end to this senseless barbarism.

“Stop it, Randy!” she bellowed – her voice shaking. “Leave him alone! You could hurt him.”

Randy gave Jada a bemused look.

“What do you care?” he said. “It’s none of your business. He’s just some bum.”

Jada stepped off the sidewalk and walked toward the man, who was still crouched behind the dumpster. She then looked toward Randy with fire in her eyes.

“We don’t who he is,” she said. “But I know who you are. You’re a jerk. And a coward. And if you’re going to throw rocks, throw ‘em at both of us. Show how tough you are to your little buddies.”

Randy turned red, looked at his crew, and then looked back toward Jada and Creepy Dumpster Guy.

“You’re the … jerk one,” he mumbled, dropping the medium-sized rock he held in his right hand. “Let’s go, guys.”

Jada made her way back to the sidewalk and noticed something different about Randy and his posse. For the first time they didn’t look like bullies, they simply looked embarrassed – maybe even defeated.

Jada smiled.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said. “They won’t bother you anymore … I’m gonna make sure of it. Oh, and I’ll come by in the morning and bring you something to eat. Bye.”

As Jada disappeared into the distance, the man stood up – although he wasn’t like any man anyone had ever seen before.

Humanoid in form, he was mostly translucent, with a slight amber tint. And the dumpster was simply an optical illusion – a clever disguise for his spacecraft, which he entered by phasing through the side after shedding his disguise.

“Report,” boomed the voice from the electroacoustic transducer in the roof of the craft.

“The microcosm test was a success; we would be wise to allow their species to evolve,” said the being. “As we observed there is much cruelty, but there is also kindness … and strength. Precognition signals that the young female human, Jada Abernathy, will become President of the United States in 30 Earth years. She – and a coalition of others like her – will formulate a workable plan to guide this planet on a path to peace. My recommendation is to postpone the invasion and give them an opportunity to succeed.

“Ashtar Sheran signing off … and plotting a course for Proxima Centauri B.”

The AFA’s farewell

The original United States Football League played its inaugural season 40 years ago, ushering in three springs of big budget football that was far better than the NFL wanted you to believe. But 1983 was also the last waltz for the American Football Association, a minor league circuit that spent seven seasons in relative obscurity.

Its final game, however – an American Bowl clash between the homestanding Carolina Storm and San Antonio Bulls on July 23 – makes for an interesting footnote. While one team was kinda/sorta “promoted” to the USFL, the other joined a new professional league that never got off the ground.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960, Spoutable @ScottAdamson and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

By the time the AFA reached the end of the 1983 campaign, it was obvious it wouldn’t return in 1984. The new USFL had completed its first season, making a splash by luring established players from the NFL and signing up-and-coming stars. A national TV contract with ABC also made it a serious player on the national stage.

The AFA, on the other hand, was a revolving door of franchises that paid players very little; one percent of the home gate was the standard for most teams. But despite the low budgets and low profile, there were some good players and quality teams throughout its seven-year run. The last two standing in the final season were the Storm and Bulls, who were making a high-profile exit with their championship game appearance.  

San Antonio had long been a staple of non-NFL pro football, including a franchise in the ill-fated World Football League’s second season (the 1975 San Antonio Wings).

The city was represented by the Charros in the AFA from 1977-81, and the Bulls from 1982-83. Oilman Clinton Manges owned the franchise, and angled to trade up once the USFL was formed. AFA Commissioner Roger Gill – who also just happened to be general manager and head coach of the Bulls in 1983 – was willing to help.

“We’re using our team this summer as a training camp for the USFL,” Gill said in an interview with the Austin American-Statesman on June 17. “We have about 62 players, dress out 45 for games, and we get inquiries all the time from players who want to come out and try to make the team, because they know they’ll be in the USFL next year.

“I would say 10 or 12 will probably make our USFL team.”

Two weeks before the American Bowl, the USFL officially announced that Manges’ team would, indeed, be part of the growing league in 1984. Jacksonville – one of six expansion clubs in year two – had already secured the nickname “Bulls,” however.

Meanwhile, an entity called the International Football League was unveiled at a New York press conference on June 30, and Charlotte was announced as one of its flagship franchises. While it would play a spring schedule like the USFL, it had plans for expansion to Australia and Japan in 1985. By early July, the Storm was already touting its move to the IFL. And the day before the AFA title clash, it was reported that Roman Gabriel was closing in on an agreement to be the new head coach, replacing Steve Patton.

“I’m going to be involved next year,” Patton told the Charlotte Observer. “But knowing we need a national person as head coach, my position will be changed.”

Patton said he was in favor of the move.

“He’s a good, quality person – the kind of person I could be involved with,” Patton said. “The IFL needs name coaches, especially in a city that doesn’t have the recognition of a Los Angeles or a Miami.”

Other franchises in the IFL’s first year were to be placed in New York, Los Angeles, Honolulu, Houston, Chicago, Milwaukee, Miami, San Jose, Omaha and cities in Tennessee and Ohio.

As for the final American Bowl, it was a blowout; Carolina won, 39-0, in front of 4,626 people at Memorial Stadium. The Storm (originally knowns as the Carolina Chargers) finished 7-0 and ended their AFA run with two titles and a 20-game winning streak dating back to 1982.

Unfortunately for the champions, their impressive victory over the Bulls was not a springboard to even better days in a better league.

Failure to land a television partner forced the IFL to put their league “on hold,” and that hold continues into the summer of 2023.

The remnants of the Bulls, however, were reborn as the San Antonio Gunslingers, who played in the USFL in 1984 and 1985.

Eventually, of course, Charlotte won the ultimate professional football promotion, beginning play in the NFL in 1995.

San Antonio, meanwhile, went on to field teams in the World League of American Football, Canadian Football League, Alliance of American Football and XFL 3.0. In 2005, the city hosted the New Orleans Saints for four games due to the after effects of Hurricane Katrina.

As for the AFA, it served as a nice bridge between the WFL and USFL. Existing in an era before indoor football, it provided welcome opportunities and good competition for players who failed to earn spots on NFL and CFL rosters.

It never found a place in the spotlight, but it also deserves more credit than it received.

Date night

Bright red hair, alabaster skin, ruby red lipstick, magenta sun dress, silver pumps – Lucy was a whirlwind of style as she made her way into the upscale Ultron Café. She wanted to look good, of course, but she also needed to make sure her date recognized her.

It was her first dip into a new online dating service, and although Richard had seen photos on her profile, she specifically told him to look for the “carrot top rocking hot colors.”

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960, Spoutable @ScottAdamson and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

For her part, she’d be keeping an eye out for a thin, dark-skinned man with a buzz cut, baby blue shirt and khaki pants.

The minute he walked through the door she recognized him and gave him a wave.

“Hi, Richard,” she said as he moved in for a hug. “So nice to finally meet you in the flesh. I hope you don’t mind … I’ve already got a table for us.”

The couple sat down and Richard ordered a bottle of red wine as soon as the waiter appeared.

“Wow,” Richard said. “You look even prettier in person, but I had no doubt you would. I’m so glad we’re finally making this happen.”

Lucy smiled and adjusted her bangs.

“Me, too,” she said. “It’s funny … I’ve tried so many of those other services but, as you might imagine, I wasn’t going to find the right fit. I mean, I couldn’t exactly be honest with any potential suitors.”

Richard laughed.

“No, honesty is definitely not the best policy with those others, is it?” he said. “But I was able to use them to my advantage, if you know what I mean.”

She did indeed, and felt relaxed enough to open up. Before she could, however, the waiter returned with a bottle of Pinot Noir and asked if they’d like an appetizer.

“I’m ready to order if you are,” Lucy said to Richard.

Both settled on the filet with baked potato and salad, and waited until the waiter was out of ear shot before resuming their conversation.

“OK,” she said. “Tell me about your first.”

Richard cleared his throat.

“Geez, you don’t waste any time, do you?” he said. “I like that in a woman. Well, it was at a rest stop off of I-85 in South Carolina. I had thought about doing it for years but as you know there’s a big difference between thinking about it and actually doing it. So, that was the beginning … and that was about 15 years ago.”

Lucy nodded.

“Fifteen years ago, huh?” she said. “And how many since then – and don’t give me an estimate, you know very well the exact number … guys like you keep track.”

Richard grinned.

“Twenty-three, and the last one was two weeks ago,” he said. “I was hoping to make it 25 by the end of the year. But that’s enough about me – time for you to dish. When and where was your first?”

Lucy looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

“Believe it or not, it was my senior year in high school … at a drive-in in St. Louis,” she said. “But here’s the weird part – it was almost five years later before I did it again.”

“At the same drive-in or a different one?” Richard wondered.

“No, no,” she said. “Drive-ins are kinda hard to come by unless you want to travel. I like staying within a 50-mile radius, places like Mount Olive, Illinois, and De Soto, Missouri. it’s just kind of a rule I made up for myself a while back. Now it’s usually hotels. Cliché, I know, but effective.”

After the food came, Lucy and Richard dug in, chatting as though they had known each other for years. And considering how quickly they devoured their meal, it was obvious they wanted to continue the evening in a more intimate setting.

Richard flagged down the waiter, put cash on the table as soon as the check arrived, and reached for Lucy’s hand.

“I’m staying across the street,” he said. “Would like to come back to my hotel with me and – I don’t know – maybe compare notes?”

Lucy grabbed her purse, glanced at the vial of sodium cyanide resting near her keys, and winked.

As they made their way out of the restaurant and began to distance themselves from the other patrons, Lucy gave Richard a quick peck on the cheek.

“I’m so glad we found a dating site for serial killers on the dark web,” she said. “I’m having such a great time!”