Author: Scott Adamson

Snakes scare me, and I blame it all on “7 Faces of Dr. Lao”

For years, I’ve tried to figure out why I have such a crippling fear of snakes.

Brain Farce is an alleged humor column written by Scott Adamson. It comes out basically whenever he feels like writing it. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

Now I think I know, and I blame it on George Pal, Tony Randall, and Arthur O’Connell.

Pal directed the 1964 movie “7 Faces of Dr. Lao,” Randall starred in the title role (and as several other characters, as well) and O’Connell – well, that bastard was the face of “The Serpent,” a stop-motion creation which scared the hell out of me then and scares the hell out of me now.

The snake was huge, it talked in Randall’s voice, and it gave me nightmares for years.

Check it out on YouTube. In the search box type in, “Dr. Lao snake,” and feel the terror.

Before I delve deeper into my phobia and why it has been triggered again, though, it should be noted that Randall showed a lot of range in this very clever motion picture.

And Pal, of course, gave us such cool films as “When Worlds Collide,”  “The War of the Worlds” and “The Time Machine.”

(And when I reference “War of the Worlds” I’m talking about the original starring the guy who played Bat Masterson, and not the remake with Mr. Scientology and that pale kid.)

And I feel bad calling O’ Connell a bastard. He was a two-time Oscar nominee, played in some good Westerns and seemed like a likeable fellow … right up to the point where his face appeared on a snake.

But considering the movie came out in 1964 and I saw it on TV as a kid – most likely in the late 60s – that’s probably why snakes scare me so much.

I bring this up now because last week I was cutting grass (which is something I usually enjoy) and as I was making the turn and heading back toward the house, I saw Mr. No Shoulders slithering across the yard and exiting through a gap in the wooden gate. He was anywhere from 12 inches to 32-feet long and black or brown or magenta. I didn’t get too close because, you know, it was a snake.

I basically just froze for a few seconds before I resumed mowing, and then the rest of the day I was jittery and fearful that some reptile of the suborder Serpentes with the face of a character actor would attack me.

I told Mary about it and she said it was probably just a rat snake. That didn’t make me feel any better because I’m not overly fond of rats and I don’t even want to think about a rodent/serpent hybrid. That would be absolutely horrible.

Silly?

Maybe.

That doesn’t make the fear any less real.

And don’t tell me the snake being more scared of me than I am of it.

That’s bullshit.

I’m quite sure that if looked down and saw a snake touching me, I’d simultaneously pee, crap and puke – which would serve as the undercard to my massive heart attack.

And if a snake saw me touching it … ah, that’s ridiculous. You can’t touch something when you’re running away from it – and why on earth would I want to touch a snake?

I truly hate that I feel this way.

No snake has ever harmed me in any way and I’ve really, really tried to accept the fact that they do more good than harm. They help keep our ecosystems working through their own version of pest control, which means you might occasionally find them spraying your basement with chemicals and/or checking wood for termite damage.

Still, I’m horribly creeped out by them and yesterday when I cut grass my head was on a swivel because I expected to see another snake.

I didn’t, but I will … maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow.

However, it’s bound to happen.

And I swear, if it has the face of Arthur O’Connell, you can bury me right there.

Just bring some clean shorts so I can go out with a little dignity.

 

Greenville FC comes home on Saturday

By Scott Adamson
Adamsonmedia.com

Greenville FC’s debut in the National Premier Soccer League didn’t have a storybook start, but a huge chapter in the team’s history is set to be written on Saturday.

Lee Squires’ club plays its home opener this weekend at Furman’s Eugene Stone Stadium, and a sizable crowd – led by the Mill Town Operatives – is expected as the favorite sons tangle with Inter Nashville FC at 7 p.m.

“I’m very eager to see the atmosphere on Saturday,” Greenville FC president Marco Carrizales said. “I can sense a genuine connection and push from the community, and so can the boys. The responsibility of making the city proud is something the players are taking into account with each training session.”

While Nashville will be playing its 2018 NPSL opener, it enters the contest with plenty of momentum following a 6-1 thrashing of the Premier Development League’s Charlotte Eagles on Wednesday in the first round of the U.S. Open Cup.

Striker Chuka Aruh had a hat trick in the first half, including two goals that came a minute apart, while Ivan Sakou recorded a brace and Richard Reichenberger scored Inter’s other goal.

Nashville, in just its second season in the league, can now add another match to the schedule as it faces the United Soccer League’s Nashville SC in the second round of the Cup next Wednesday.

The Music City-based footballers finished 6-2-4 in 2017 and made the NPSL playoffs.

Greenville (0-1) is coming off a 3-1 road loss to Georgia Revolution FC last Friday, a match that saw the visitors fall behind the Revs by two goals in the first six minutes before settling down.

Michelangelo Dovidio scored GVFC’s first-ever goal with a header in the 71st minute.

“Yes, it was a tough start,” Squires said. “After only three training sessions together we came out flat, made a couple of mistakes and gave up early goals, which you cannot do on the road.  We made a slight adjustment tactically at halftime, but most of it was adjusting the mentality.”

The Revs led 3-0 at intermission, but Greenville refused to roll over despite the big deficit.

“We became more aggressive and suddenly had more control in the game,” Squires said. “We got one goal back and could have had a couple more, but their keeper made two great saves. It was an encouraging second half that gives us belief we are good enough to compete in this league.

“We could have folded and lost by six or seven but we didn’t, so I was pleased with the response.”

Squires said after reviewing the match there were several notable performances.

“I’d say (midfielder) Danny Kierath was probably our most effective player on the night,” Squires said.  “(Clemson midfielder) Quinn McNeill and (forward) Malcolm Frago had solid nights and (defender) Toby Sims made a difference at the back in the second half, having entered the game at halftime.”

One thing GVFC will have in its second match that it didn’t have in its first is a decided home field advantage. Season and single game ticket sales have been brisk and with clear skies forecast (and temperatures in the 90s), the local 11 will receive a warm welcome.

“The atmosphere should be very high energy,” Carrizales said. “With Eugene Stone being such an intimate stadium, and all signs pointing to a high attendance, the atmosphere should be dreamlike for the squad and a very difficult venue to play at for any opposition.”

Squires says the supporters will be key.

“It’s massive,” he said. “We are expecting a great turnout and support from the community on Saturday, and in particular the Operatives. I hope everyone is a fine voice and ready to be that 12th man to help us get the win.”

The head coach was asked what he expected from his club “result aside” in Game 2, and made it clear moral victories mean nothing.

“There is no result aside,” he stressed. “We need three points. However, we need to start the game better and on the front foot, to give us a better chance of getting a result.”

For ticket information, go to www.gvlfc.com.

Asheville City men open regular season tonight

By Scott Adamson
Adamsonmedia.com

The Asheville City SC men got some on-the-job training with a friendly last Friday against the Myrtle Beach Mutiny. Tonight, the team officially clocks in to start the 2018 season.

The Blues face the Georgia Revolution (1-0) at 7 p.m. at Memorial Stadium, kicking off its second year in the National Premier Soccer League and first under coach Mick Giordano.

The Revolution, which was winless in NPSL play a year ago, opened its 2018 schedule with a 3-1 victory over Greenville FC last Friday.

E.J. Henry scored two goals in the match’s first six minutes to give Georgia a 2-0 lead, and the eventual winners built a 3-0 cushion by halftime.

Georgia is the early table-topper in the Southeast Conference of the NPSL’s South Region.

“I was fortunate enough to watch the game film of the Revs on Friday night after our game, and the staff has watched it recently,” Giordano said. “They are a good side with some athleticism amongst them, and a bit of bite which will present several tough challenges for us. They are coming off an emotional high with their first league win, so I would imagine the first 15-20 minutes will be a bit frantic with the game settling in after that.

“Hopefully we can play good football and ask several questions ourselves.”

ACSC fell to the Mutiny, a Premier Development League squad, 3-2 last Friday. Although an exhibition, it was a good preseason test for Giordano and company; Myrtle Beach finished 10-1-3 in 2017 and won the South Atlantic Division of the PDL.

Still, that match was more about settling in on a lineup than getting a result, and there were many positives.

Tom Deeley’s free kicks set up both Asheville goals, which were tallied by Brendan O’Dowd and Paul Egle.

O’Dowd and Egle are UNC-Asheville products.

“I think any time a player with local roots scores a goal, you’re happy for them, so it was great to see Egle and O’Dowd find the back of the net,” Giordano said. “I’m pleased for Deeley to pick up two assists on the night as well. Izaiah Vignali had a good flick on for the first goal that shouldn’t go unnoticed.

“I thought Lukas Joyner was our best player in the first half. He showed some leadership and an exceptional work rate.”

Giordano adds that his team – which has had limited practice time – was much more cohesive over the final 45 minutes.

“Our second half group really switched on,” he said. “We kept the football and were more dangerous. They brought another level to our tempo and energy which was exciting to see. Mac Gourlay, another local guy, and Jamie Smith were fantastic in the back. Dom Boland, Elliott Cutts, Elma N’for, Nathan Watts, KMC (Krisitan Moore-Cowell), all of them were great. We still have things to sort out, but considering some of the boys didn’t even know each other’s names because they had just arrived, I’d say it was a fair performance.”

Having 90 minutes of competition under their belts is a boost heading into the opener, of course, but Giordano says it’s the work outside the spotlight that ultimately makes the biggest difference.

“I think it’s always good to get a game in to see where we stand early on,” he said. “For me, the true team bonding has come off the field at our trainings and pool session where they can truly get to know one another. This also builds trust and confidence within the group, which is something that will be massive as we move on through the season.”

ACSC, a playoff team a year ago, will be a work in progress regardless of how today’s match turns out. Giordano said it will find its personality as the season wears on.

“Our formation will be based on our personnel and who’s available,” Giordano said. “We will get the boys in what we feel is a formation that helps them be most successful and confident on the field, as it’s a players’ game. It may evolve as we go or change in game depending on the demand of the game and challenges presented to us. We want the boys to be comfortable and have some freedom to just go out and play football.

“That being said, we have to be better on the defending side and will have a strong emphasis on that as we go.”

For ticket information, go to ashevillecitysc.com.