Stallions, Breakers in high spirits

They celebrated big hits.

They celebrated big plays.

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And when a teammate found his way into the end zone, they celebrated in big numbers.

Thing is, it was all just a scrimmage.

But football is a game, games are supposed to be fun, and two United States Football League rivals got to mix pleasure with business on Friday before things get serious.

The Birmingham Stallions and New Orleans Breakers locked horns today at Legion Field, putting in one last dress rehearsal ahead of the 2023 USFL regular season opener on April 15.

The Stallions will host the New Jersey Generals that night at Protective Stadium, while the Breakers – calling the Magic City home for the second consecutive year – will face the Pittsburgh Maulers at the same venue on April 16.

If the teams can match the enthusiasm they mustered at the Old Gray Lady next weekend, it should be two days of high energy football.

“We see each other in the hotel so there was some good-natured trash talk, and it was great,” said first-year New Orleans coach John DeFilippo, who served as Chicago Bears QB coach and passing game coordinator in 2021. “And our guys are so spirited. The best part about it was I saw very few injuries, if any at all. There’s a difference between doing things right in practice and doing the right thing in a game, so this was really important.

“There are a lot of different situations out there, and you’ve got to process it.”

Stallions quarterbacks J’Mar Smith, Alex McGough and Jalen Morton shuffled in and out throughout the scrimmage, which Birmingham boss Skip Holtz said was by design.

“Today, I rolled out every quarterback … I just want to see ‘em all play and see where we are,” Holtz said. “Next week, we’ll start putting it together.”

Like his counterpart, the Stallions coach was happy to close out preseason camp with a game-style workout.

“It’s been a long camp, so to be able to finish it with a little scrimmage like this against another team was great,” Holtz said. “Everybody’s starting to hit each other and ready to start playing games, and I thought both teams handled it really well.

“Tempers didn’t flare or anything like that. We got some work done, so I thought it was a really productive day for both sides, but excited to be back for season two. Excited to put this team together.”

Smith said with the scrimmage behind them, players will soon adopt a game week mindset.  

“The pieces are out there, we’ve just got to put the puzzle together,” he said. “We got one week of work left to get ready for New Jersey. Camp is over … we can finally say that, but now it’s time to get that 1-and-oh mentality and get ready for the season.”

McLeod Bethel-Thompson, fresh from helping the Toronto Argonauts win the 2022 Grey Cup, hopes to lead the charge for the Breakers in 2023.

The 34-year-old signal caller showed plenty of zip on his fastball today.

“We’ve been learning the same thing all camp,” he said. “It’s about us … we have to execute better and do the small things. We know we have the talent, but we have to do the basics and be fundamentally sound. And I have to cut down on my mistakes.”

The Stallions topped the USFL South Division last season with a 9-1 record, then won two playoff games (the first coming against the Breakers) to claim the inaugural league championship.

New Orleans, under the direction of Larry Fedora, finished second to Birmingham in the division with a 6-4 regular season mark.

Now all eight teams in the circuit hit the reset button for Year 2.

“We’ve got a lot of new faces on our football team this year, but I like the progress we’re making,” Holtz said. “We’re still not there … we’re not as consistent as we need to be. But we’re getting there.”

Football’s finest hoax

As a kid I gobbled up as many football books as I could, and one of my favorites was Strange But True Football Stories.

Compiled by Zander Hollander and originally published in 1967, it featured a variety of off-the-wall gridiron tales, from Alabama’s Tommy Lewis coming off the bench to make a tackle against Rice, to Cumberland’s 222-0 loss to Georgia Tech.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Spoutable @ScottAdamson, Post @scottscribe, Mastodon @SLA1960 and Twitter @adamsonsl

The one that stuck with me the most – even though it took up just four of the book’s 184 pages – concerned Plainfield Teachers College.

Under the chapter “Dream Team,” I learned about a college football program in New Jersey that never even existed, but found itself getting a bit of notice from New York and Pennsylvania area newspapers in 1941.

In a nutshell, members of Wall Street brokerage firm Newburger, Loeb & Company (Morris Newburger was the mastermind of the deception, with help from Lew Krupnick and Bink Dannenbaum) decided to make a up a team – Plainfield Teachers – and call in its scores to publications such as the New York Times and Herald-Tribune. Not only that, they conjured a player named Johnny Chung, a Chinese halfback who was running roughshod over the opposition.

The ruse continued for a few weeks until an anonymous call to the Herald-Tribune caused sports desks to question everything they thought they knew about the “college.”

I was so enamored with the phony school that I once created a “Plainfield Teachers” team in EA Sports NCAA Football (leading them to a pair of MAC titles, if I remember correctly).

Just for fun, I decided to do some research and find out just how popular this phantom team became. Looking through available archives, about all I could find were bogus scores. But according to a 2016 New York Times story, the hoax was much more elaborate:

There was a groundswell of press interest about this small-college football powerhouse. Mr. Newburger gave birth to a sports information director for Plainfield Teachers College. His name was Jerry Croyden, fashioned from Newburger’s familiarity with the Croydon Hotel on the Upper East Side. Mr. Newburger became Mr. Croyden, and was the only one who answered the new, $5-a-month phone line that was installed at the brokerage firm.

Jerry Croyden (Mr. Newburger), with Mr. Dannenbaum’s help, began producing news releases with a Plainfield Teachers letterhead. The team acquired a nickname (the Lions) and was outfitted in the school colors (mauve and puce). Its coach was Ralph “Hurry Up” Hoblitzel, a former Spearfish Normal star who devised the W-formation, in which both ends faced the backfield. One of the ends was “Boarding House” Smithers.

But Chung was the star, and the stats Newburger provided via his press releases (Chung – nicknamed the “Celestial Comet” – had supposedly scored 57 of Plainfield’s 98 points through four games) duped New York Post columnist Herbert Allan into mentioning Chung prominently in his “College Grapevine” column.

In reality, though, the most nationwide publicity Chung and Plainfield Teachers received was when the prank was uncovered. A story written by William Tucker of United Press International appeared in newspapers across the country on November 15, 1941.

“The flying figments not only are unbeaten and untied, they are unreal,” Tucker wrote. “But for the better part of this football season their fabulous deeds on the gridiron received some due notice in some of the nation’s leading newspapers.”

The story revealed that Plainfield’s foes (Chesterton, Scott, Winona, Randolph Tech, Ingersoll, Appalachian Tech, Harmony Teachers and St. Joseph) were also fictitious.

Talk about fantasy football.

In an era when calling in scores was common practice and newspapers were the primary source of information, who knows how long the deceit would’ve continued?

Yet, someone apparently thought the joke was no longer amusing, and his tip on November 11 prompted newspaper employees in the northeast to check Plainfield’s credentials.

They had none.

Tucker wrote:

“Plainfield’s brief but terrific saga as a pigskin power ended last Tuesday when an anonymous tipster telephoned the Herald-Tribune sports department and said: ‘I’ll give you fellows a tip. There ain’t no such college as Plainfield Teachers. Bunch of fellows down on wall street are kidding you.’”

Eighty-two years later, I still think it’s pretty funny.

A Werewolf Passing Through

The bacon sizzled on the portable stove, popping and wheezing as the man indelicately jostled the pieces floating in the cast iron pan.

     Once the meat was crisp and ready, two eggs were dropped into the grease, where their sunny centers were quickly surrounded by bubbling whites.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Spoutable @ScottAdamson, Post @scottscribe, Mastodon @SLA1960 and Twitter @adamsonsl

     “Todd,” said the woman, rummaging through a large paper grocery sack. “I don’t see any plastic spoons or forks – just paper plates and knives and toothpicks – which I have no idea why I packed in the first place.”

     The man chuckled.

     “No big deal, Dana,” he said. “We can eat the bacon with our fingers and balance the eggs on the knives … just like the pioneers of old!”

     This, he thought, was shaping up to be the perfect camping trip.

     His tent had gone up with a minimum of cursing – thanks in large part to Dana’s expertise. She had not only agreed to the overnight outdoors stay; she suggested it. As a former Girl Scout, she jumped at any opportunity to get back to nature.

And that huge cooler he was sitting on was packed with ice and beer – although lighter by two after he cracked open a couple of cans of Coors Light for himself and his partner.

     Darkness had long since fallen and the full moon had risen directly overhead, its beams wriggling through the trees and illuminating every ripple on the lake. Sure, a gourmet dinner by candlelight was romantic, but bacon, eggs and brews by moonlight was a sign of true love.

     Then came the bloodcurdling scream.

     “Oh god, oh god, oh god!” yelled Dana, still clutching the sack of utensils as she stumbled back into the tent, knocking it loose from one of its tie-out points. “What is it, Todd! What is it!”

     Out of instinct Todd ran to Dana, wrapping his arms around her while swiveling his head in an effort to find the source of her terror. Dana then raised her left arm and – hand trembling – pointed toward the woods just beyond their tent.

     At first glance Todd thought some wild animal had wandered upon them, probably lured by the smell of the bacon. But as the moon provided the spotlight and his eyes adjusted, he realized he was eying something else entirely.

     The creature stood well over six feet tall, and was wearing what appeared to be a tattered flannel shirt and blue jeans covered in mud – or blood. Its piercing red eyes were framed by a fur-covered, reddish-brown face, and glistening yellow fangs seemed to hang from its black, quivering lips.

     Wooly hands highlighted by long, crooked fingers and sharp claws were evident when the intruder dropped them at its sides, and they swayed slightly as it slowly inched its way closer to the couple.

     Todd and Dana knew from their previous outdoor excursions there was always danger in the woods, whether it came in the form of a slithering snake or trundled toward them like a black bear does when searching for an easy smash and grab.

     But even though they had set up camp at Werewolf Ridge, they had assumed the site was nothing more than a clever name that might spark campfire stories and occasional jump-scares. Surely it wasn’t a description of its inhabitants.

     But if what they were looking at – with a degree of disbelief – wasn’t a werewolf, it was close enough to give them both a sense of dread.

     “Get away!” Todd yelled. “Leave us alone! I … I have a gun! I swear I do! And I’ll use it … I will!”

     Suddenly, the beast stopped in it tracks.

     “Silver bullets,” the creature said in a guttural voice.

     Dana and Todd looked at each other, then stared at the werewolf.

     It could talk.

     And if it could talk, it could communicate.

     And if it could communicate then, well … maybe the couple could avoid being ripped to shreds and pulled apart like an unsuspecting deer.

     “We don’t want any trouble,” Todd said. “Are you hungry? I’ll bet you’re hungry. Look … we have bacon. Do you know what bacon is? It’s food.”

     Todd then began touching his lips with his fingers in a feeble attempt to mimic the act of eating.

     Neither he nor Dana knew what to expect … perhaps it would howl, or possibly lunge at the bacon. Instead, the creature pointed at the cooler Todd had been sitting on moments before.

Todd and Dana were still fearful – I mean, there was a werewolf standing right in front of them – but mostly they were bemused. Despite a grotesque appearance, it didn’t seem particularly threatening. In fact, the poor creature invited pity.

     Maybe it wanted to be put out of its misery and knew a silver bullet was the only sure way to kill a lycanthrope.

     “Silver bullets,” it said again, pointing at the cooler.

     “Let’s give him what he wants,” Dana said. “Maybe we can distract him and make a run for it.”

     As the werewolf watched intently Todd slowly walked toward the cooler, opened the lid, then quickly backpedaled.

     “Just take it,” Todd said, grabbing Dana’s arm and continuing to retreat. “It’s all yours, buddy. It’s all yours … take it!”

     The beast lumbered toward the chest, reached into its right pocket, and pulled out a $5 bill that was then carefully placed on the ground beside the cooler. Leaning down, it reached into the ice, felt around for a moment, and pulled out two cans of Coors Light.

     “Silver bullets,” said the werewolf, holding the cans up in the air. “I ran out of beer about an hour ago and hoped I could buy a couple from you guys.

     “Appreciate it … have a nice rest of your evening.”