Author: Scott Adamson

Becoming a pickleball fan

My last job in the newspaper business (yes, kids, there used to be news that was printed on paper), was in Seneca, South Carolina. When I first started there – in June of 2016 – the staff was busily working on a story about an upcoming pickleball event in the area.

I was told I wouldn’t have to write anything about it because it was being handled by the news division instead of the sports department. That came as a relief; I had no idea on earth what pickleball was.

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Seriously – I’d never heard of it. If you had told me it involved a bunch of morons flinging gherkins at each other, I’d have absolutely believed you.

But even when I read about it, I didn’t care. It just sounded like some sort of gimmicky pseudo-game. In fact, I thought it had just been invented (not realizing its roots date back to the mid-1960s).

For the next few years, I merrily went on my way, aware that pickleball existed but still not having the least bit of interest in the larger pickleball world.

So why is it that earlier this week I was excited that the Major League Pickleball Premier Level team Brooklyn Aces drafted Catherine Parenteau, Andrea Kopp, Hayden Patriquin and Tyler Loong?

And why did I want to know that the Challenger Level New York Hustlers took Jill Braverman, Kyle Yates, Sarah Ansboury and Jaume Martinez Vich?

Because I’m a fan of Major League Pickleball.

And the Aces are my favorite PL team.

And the Hustlers are my favorite CL team.

And I’m unapologetically hooked on it.

Moreover, it doesn’t involve people throwing pickles at each other – at least not that I’ve seen.

I’m not going to go into a tutorial about the sport here; if you’re interested, you either know the rules or are willing to learn more about it. If not, you’ve probably already abandoned this column and are now watching cartoons.

But I will say that it has become a pretty significant part of my life.

I credit my niece, Tina Maluff, with planting the seed. She lives in Jasper, belongs to a pickleball group there, and invited me up to play.

I like staying active and figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a try. I didn’t really expect to like it, but she was nice enough to be willing to teach me how to play, so I decided to have an open mind.

Man, I’m glad I did.

Saying it’s like tennis and ping pong had a one-night stand and produced a hard-headed baby might be an oversimplified (and weird) description, but I think it’s fair. I used to enjoy playing both, and pickleball captures the spirit of those games.

Yet, to enjoy playing it is one thing. What I didn’t anticipate was becoming a fan of watching it.

The players in MLP – and members of the Professional Pickleball Association Tour – are incredible.

The first time I watched I was looking for a soccer match on ESPN+ but came across a PPA pickleball event in Florida. A couple of hours later, I was busily eying the TV schedule in search of more.

It’s top-notch entertainment from high-level athletes who are very, very good at what they do. And what makes it more fun for me is that while I can’t play it at their level, I can play it at a level that provides great enjoyment. And considering how many trips I’ve made around the sun, I’m kinda proud of that fact.

Speaking of which, my niece and I will be competing in the Hops and Drops Pickleball Tournament July 29th at City Walk in Birmingham. We’re in the “Hops” division, which is for players still learning the game and who are more interested in having a good time than winning.

I’m pretty pumped, mainly because it’ll be fun for Tina and me (our team’s name is Kitchen Sync in case you wanna become groupies) to meet other people in the local pickleball community.

I doubt the Aces will be looking to add us to their roster following our performance, but who knows? If someone wants to form the Major League Senior Pickleball Just For Fun League and place a franchise in Birmingham, we’d love to be a part of it.

The $10,000 bill

Brady Lark walked into the Windy City Auction House, surveyed the marble floors and white columns leading up to the ceilings, and then sheepishly waved at the woman stepping out from behind a glass counter.

“Excuse me,” he said. “Are you the manager?”

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Amanda Archway extended her hand and smiled – providing a quick once-over of the young man adorned in gray high-waisted, wide-leg trousers, a V-neck polo shirt and black Oxfords.

“I’m actually a specialist here at WCAH, but I suppose that qualifies as being a manager. Is there something I can help you with?”

Lark handed over a crisp bill he pulled from an envelope.

“Gee, I certainly hope so,” he said. “My name is Lark – Brady Lark – and I don’t really know who I should talk to, but I was just wondering what this is worth.”

Archway eyed the currency, put on the reading glasses that had been dangling around her neck, and carefully studied it.

“My goodness,” she said. “A $10,000 bill. I’ll be completely honest … I’ve seen many antiques and antiquities, but I’ve never even seen one of these up close before. I’ve certainly never held it in my hand.”

She was hardly alone; very few people in the new millennium had seen an actual $10,000 bill. It hadn’t been issued since 1945 and was taken out of circulation in 1969.

When it came to monetary collectibles, this was one of the rarest of finds.

“Just by looking at its markings, it appears to authentic,” Archway said. “And it’s in pristine condition … truly remarkable. May I ask how it came to be in your possession?”

“It’s my grandfather’s,” he said. “He’s a scientist – was a scientist, I mean – and he was always curious to learn how much it had increased in value. He, uh, left it to me in his will.”

Archway walked over to her counter, gently laid the bill down, and began typing furiously on her phone.

“I’m going to get our on-site appraiser to look this over,” she said. “If he can authenticate this, I think we can make you an offer you’ll be extremely pleased with.”

Lark didn’t notice any chairs, so he nervously paced back and forth – hands in pocket – as Archway signaled the appraiser over to study the bill.

Although only a couple of minutes had passed when Archway approached him, the wait seemed interminable.

“Mr. Lark, sorry to keep you waiting,” she said. “There is no question that this is, in fact, a very real and truly exquisite $10,000 bill. There are only a handful left in the world and I can’t imagine ever finding one as well-preserved as this one.

“We’re prepared to offer you $100,000 for this bill.”

Lark’s eyes widened.

“Holy mackerel!” he exclaimed. “I really had no idea what you might offer. That’s a lotta clams.”

“Indeed,” she said. “You make a huge profit, and I’m quite sure we can do the same at auction. It’s a win-win for us both. It’s up to you, of course, but we can make this deal right here, right now. I just need some identification.”

Lark reached into his pocket and produced a driver’s license.

“Those are my credentials,” he said. “Oh, and you can just make the check out to me.

“Absolutely,” she said, quickly completing the necessary paperwork. “We truly enjoyed doing business with you and if your come across anything else from your grandfather’s estate, please keep us in mind. Here is your check.”

While the money was real, the fake ID he had purchased only hours earlier had allowed him to open a bank account and fool Archway. With the windfall from the sale of the $10,000 bill, he was supposed to spend a couple of days buying as many books on quantum mechanics as he could find and use the rest to purchase silver, which would power the time portal constructed by his grandfather.

Unfortunately, the device was good for only one, two-way trip – transporting at 8:34 Eastern Daylight Time on July 12, 1940 and retrieving at 8:34 Eastern Daylight Time on July 15, 2022.

Lark stared at the check and felt the color drain from his face; his grandfather was a genius, but even geniuses make miscalculations.

“I’m just looking at the date on here,” he said. “I thought it was July 12, 2022.”

Archway shook her head.

“No, Mr. Lark,” she said with a chuckle. “It’s July 12, 2023. Don’t worry … we all get our years mixed up sometimes.”

Player pipeline a good idea

Sports versions of “state of the union” addresses almost always offer interesting tidbits of information. United States Football League president of football operations Daryl Johnston gave his on June 30th, the day before the Birmingham Stallions claimed their second consecutive USFL crown.

The former Dallas Cowboys fullback and special teams standout turned executive touched on everything from hubs (they’re set to return in 2024) to expansion (it won’t happen until the current lineup of teams are placed in their home markets).

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What intrigued me most, however, is the possibility that the USFL could one day be a place where NFL players find a spring home.

“When I was in the Alliance of American Football (as general manager of the San Antonio Commanders), Philadelphia was one of my teams,” said Johnston, who was also director of player personnel for the XFL Dallas Renegades in 2020. “Jeff Stoutland is the offensive line coach for the Eagles. I asked him, ‘Wouldn’t it be great for (tackle) Jordan Mailata to come to our league and actually play the game? He said, ‘Absolutely … but as soon as I let him go do that, I have to get into a bidding war with the other 31 teams to get him to come back, because everybody’s gonna see how talented he is. And we’ve got time and money invested in him right now and I don’t want to get into a competition for services by letting him go to that league.’ So, there are some things that we are hoping to start conversations with the NFL and allowing some free flow, and some different things that gives access but returns that player back to that team.”

Things turned out fine for Mailata, who signed a multimillion-dollar contract with the Eagles in 2021 and has now started 40 games. Still, the point is well taken.

The AAF had an informal relationship with the NFL, with each of its eight franchises assigned four big league teams. The Commanders, for example, were connected to the Cowboys, Eagles, Houston Texans and Kansas City Chiefs.

Of course, the AAF folded after just eight weeks of play in 2019, so the development of any kind of player pipeline – formal or otherwise – was over before it began.

Yet with the USFL already planning for a third season, such an arrangement seems closer to reality.

“You know, these are things that are in their infancy as we start to talk about them, but they would be better for both leagues,” Johnston said. “It makes the NFL better to get their players down in our league to play at game speed in the offensive line and the quarterback position, as opposed to practice speed. The NFL preseason has gone from five preseason games when I played to three now. So, we’re continuing to reduce the number of preseason opportunities in games for these players. The practice speed never matches game speeds.”

Ideally, an actual minor league for the NFL (modeled after the NBA’s G League) would play at the same time of year, allowing the parent team to pluck a player in-season when needed or send one down. But such a circuit would drown trying to compete with the NFL and major college football.

Utilizing the offseason USFL (and XFL, for that matter) is the next best thing. In a loan situation the spring league teams could boast that they have NFL players on their rosters, and adding quarterbacks to the mix would certainly draw more eyes to the product.

(That said, assigning QBs to the USFL would no doubt create challenges. The NFL club that sent a signal caller down would want him running the same offense, and that might not fit with what the USFL coach has already installed).

“It makes sense for there to be conversations about allowing key positions – or all positions – to come down into the spring league, but be able to go directly back to the NFL team that has your rights,” Johnston said. “Don’t open up a bidding war with everybody else when they see how good this guy could be. If he was yours going down, he’s yours coming back.”

For me, one of the draws of Triple-A football is seeing guys come out of nowhere and do enough to get on an NFL team’s radar. Each day I check to see what USFL or XFL player has received an invitation to camp.

But from a business standpoint, sharing players makes sense. There will still be plenty of opportunities for diamonds in the rough to be uncovered, but I’m guessing quite a few fans – and I’m one of them – wouldn’t mind seeing an NFL practice squad guy getting first team reps in the spring.

It’s something to keep an eye on, anyway.