Tourist Trap

The main drag in Oglesburg Tennessee – White Oak Parkway –snakes through the heart of the Great Smoky Mountains. The businesses that line it, framed by countless trees jutting from the summit, are typical of many tourist towns.

There’s a confectionery shop, Sugar South, that allows customers to lean in and see how the candy is made. After munching on free samples of chocolate and caramel delights, those with a sweet tooth are convinced to buy more by the sack full.

The Old Tyme Baking House cookie kitchen opens at 5 a.m. each day, and the smell of gingerbread spices the early morning air.

A clothing store, Tennessee Stylin’, offers everything from sweatshirts adorned with the smiling face of a friendly black bear to Come Ogle At Oglesburg and Oglesburg: A Place For Carryin’ On Then Marryin’ Long novelty tees.

And of course, moving past the drop-in restaurants and mini-museums means being accosted by the frenetic young man promising three nights and two days of luxurious lodging if you’ll be so kind as to listen to his 90-minute infomercial for the condos located just on the outskirts of town.

There is plenty to do and see in Oglesburg, and the constant parade of families means entrepreneurs are eager to set up shop.

One of the newest and more popular stops is Fanny and Flossie’s Family Figurines. The modest storefront features colorful caricatures of Fanny and Flossy, the sisters who own and operate the curio shop. Once inside, though, guests find themselves marveling at miniature plastic replicas of people and places that are exacting in their depiction.

Stores that allow customers to play dress up while posing for sepiatone photos in saloons and dance halls remain popular, but this is a step above.

Newlyweds, families – anyone – can have their images recreated in 1/8 scale thanks to what Fancy and Flossy call their “Miniature Memories Machine.”

“How y’all doin’?” Fanny asked, her southern twang greeting a young couple who wandered in from the busy street. “Where ya from?”

The young woman smiled broadly.

“Columbus, Ohio,” she said. “I’m Sally and this is my husband, Frank. We’re on our honeymoon.”

“Well, bless your heart,” chimed in Flossy. “Might not want to say it too loud, though. People in these parts are still mad about y’all kickin’ our hind ends in that football game last year. I’m just kiddin’ – everybody comes to Oglesburg to have fun. And Fanny and me don’t care much for sports, anyway.”

Sally leaned down and carefully examined the displays; the figurines were incredibly lifelike.

“This is amazing,” Sally said, pointing to a  creation that featured what appeared to be a mom, dad, two young children and their labrador retriever standing in front of a fountain. “The hair on the dog is incredibly realistic. If I’m careful, can I touch it?”

“Go ahead,” Flossy said. “It’s plastic so it ain’t gone break.”

Sally ran her hand over the dog figure.

“Wow,” she said. “I half-expected it to be fur but, yeah, it sure feels like plastic.”

Fanny eyed Frank and winked.

“I bet your bride would be real impressed if you bought her a figurine of you and her all cuddled up in the Smokies,” she said. “All you have to do is step into our studio and then our Miniature Memories Machine can have your figurine ready in a week to 10 days.”

Frank looked at Sally and shrugged.

“I dunno,” he said. “I mean, these figurines look fantastic, but I doubt we could afford it. Something this realistic can’t come cheap.”

Fanny shook her head.

“You’d be wrong, young man,” she said. “Does $20 sound like too much?”

Franks eyes widened.

“Are you serious?” he exclaimed. “You could do a figurine of us for just $20?”

“Oh, honey,” she said. “We ain’t in this for the money. Flossy and me just love seein’ people happy. And with our low prices, we can make a lot of people happy. Just consider this our Honeymoon Special, special-made for you two lovebirds.”

Sally and Frank looked at each other.

“It’s a deal,” Sally said. “So, what do we do?”

Fanny pointed to a door leading to a back room.

“Nothin’ to it,” she said. “We have all kinds of backgrounds in there, and all we do is put you in front of one – I think the fancy term for it is a green screen – take your picture, and run it through our Miniature Memories Machine. Why don’t you two go on in there and get ready? There’s a ticket you need to fill out in there with your address so we’ll know where to send your figurine, and there’s a book with all sorts of backgrounds to choose from. And the best part? You don’t even need to pay us right now. You can just send your money when you get your plastic likeness … we want to make sure you’re completely satisfied with it. We’ll give you a couple of minutes to decide, and then we’ll be right in. Just close the door once you’re inside, if you don’t mind.”

Sally and Frank walked in and shut the door behind them. Flossy waited a moment, eyed the door, and pulled a small wooden wand from her dress pocket. With a short wave of the instrument she shouted, “Stasis Permanentus!”

She opened the door to the room and it was empty, except for the Miniature Memories Machine.

The square contraption hummed and clicked, and in less than a minute a 1/8 scale figure of Sally and Frank standing at the entrance of the Great Smoky Mountains was produced.

Fanny eyed the art and gave a thumbs up.

“Another good one, sister,” she said. “Another real good one. Looks just exactly like ‘em.”

“It should Fanny, since it is them,” Flossy said with a chuckle. “But I can’t take all the credit. When you combine witchcraft and a 3D printer, well … it’s magic.”