Becoming a pickleball fan

My last job in the newspaper business (yes, kids, there used to be news that was printed on paper), was in Seneca, South Carolina. When I first started there – in June of 2016 – the staff was busily working on a story about an upcoming pickleball event in the area.

I was told I wouldn’t have to write anything about it because it was being handled by the news division instead of the sports department. That came as a relief; I had no idea on earth what pickleball was.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960, Spoutable @ScottAdamson, t2.social @adamson60, and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

Seriously – I’d never heard of it. If you had told me it involved a bunch of morons flinging gherkins at each other, I’d have absolutely believed you.

But even when I read about it, I didn’t care. It just sounded like some sort of gimmicky pseudo-game. In fact, I thought it had just been invented (not realizing its roots date back to the mid-1960s).

For the next few years, I merrily went on my way, aware that pickleball existed but still not having the least bit of interest in the larger pickleball world.

So why is it that earlier this week I was excited that the Major League Pickleball Premier Level team Brooklyn Aces drafted Catherine Parenteau, Andrea Kopp, Hayden Patriquin and Tyler Loong?

And why did I want to know that the Challenger Level New York Hustlers took Jill Braverman, Kyle Yates, Sarah Ansboury and Jaume Martinez Vich?

Because I’m a fan of Major League Pickleball.

And the Aces are my favorite PL team.

And the Hustlers are my favorite CL team.

And I’m unapologetically hooked on it.

Moreover, it doesn’t involve people throwing pickles at each other – at least not that I’ve seen.

I’m not going to go into a tutorial about the sport here; if you’re interested, you either know the rules or are willing to learn more about it. If not, you’ve probably already abandoned this column and are now watching cartoons.

But I will say that it has become a pretty significant part of my life.

I credit my niece, Tina Maluff, with planting the seed. She lives in Jasper, belongs to a pickleball group there, and invited me up to play.

I like staying active and figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a try. I didn’t really expect to like it, but she was nice enough to be willing to teach me how to play, so I decided to have an open mind.

Man, I’m glad I did.

Saying it’s like tennis and ping pong had a one-night stand and produced a hard-headed baby might be an oversimplified (and weird) description, but I think it’s fair. I used to enjoy playing both, and pickleball captures the spirit of those games.

Yet, to enjoy playing it is one thing. What I didn’t anticipate was becoming a fan of watching it.

The players in MLP – and members of the Professional Pickleball Association Tour – are incredible.

The first time I watched I was looking for a soccer match on ESPN+ but came across a PPA pickleball event in Florida. A couple of hours later, I was busily eying the TV schedule in search of more.

It’s top-notch entertainment from high-level athletes who are very, very good at what they do. And what makes it more fun for me is that while I can’t play it at their level, I can play it at a level that provides great enjoyment. And considering how many trips I’ve made around the sun, I’m kinda proud of that fact.

Speaking of which, my niece and I will be competing in the Hops and Drops Pickleball Tournament July 29th at City Walk in Birmingham. We’re in the “Hops” division, which is for players still learning the game and who are more interested in having a good time than winning.

I’m pretty pumped, mainly because it’ll be fun for Tina and me (our team’s name is Kitchen Sync in case you wanna become groupies) to meet other people in the local pickleball community.

I doubt the Aces will be looking to add us to their roster following our performance, but who knows? If someone wants to form the Major League Senior Pickleball Just For Fun League and place a franchise in Birmingham, we’d love to be a part of it.

Football’s finest hoax

As a kid I gobbled up as many football books as I could, and one of my favorites was Strange But True Football Stories.

Compiled by Zander Hollander and originally published in 1967, it featured a variety of off-the-wall gridiron tales, from Alabama’s Tommy Lewis coming off the bench to make a tackle against Rice, to Cumberland’s 222-0 loss to Georgia Tech.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Spoutable @ScottAdamson, Post @scottscribe, Mastodon @SLA1960 and Twitter @adamsonsl

The one that stuck with me the most – even though it took up just four of the book’s 184 pages – concerned Plainfield Teachers College.

Under the chapter “Dream Team,” I learned about a college football program in New Jersey that never even existed, but found itself getting a bit of notice from New York and Pennsylvania area newspapers in 1941.

In a nutshell, members of Wall Street brokerage firm Newburger, Loeb & Company (Morris Newburger was the mastermind of the deception, with help from Lew Krupnick and Bink Dannenbaum) decided to make a up a team – Plainfield Teachers – and call in its scores to publications such as the New York Times and Herald-Tribune. Not only that, they conjured a player named Johnny Chung, a Chinese halfback who was running roughshod over the opposition.

The ruse continued for a few weeks until an anonymous call to the Herald-Tribune caused sports desks to question everything they thought they knew about the “college.”

I was so enamored with the phony school that I once created a “Plainfield Teachers” team in EA Sports NCAA Football (leading them to a pair of MAC titles, if I remember correctly).

Just for fun, I decided to do some research and find out just how popular this phantom team became. Looking through available archives, about all I could find were bogus scores. But according to a 2016 New York Times story, the hoax was much more elaborate:

There was a groundswell of press interest about this small-college football powerhouse. Mr. Newburger gave birth to a sports information director for Plainfield Teachers College. His name was Jerry Croyden, fashioned from Newburger’s familiarity with the Croydon Hotel on the Upper East Side. Mr. Newburger became Mr. Croyden, and was the only one who answered the new, $5-a-month phone line that was installed at the brokerage firm.

Jerry Croyden (Mr. Newburger), with Mr. Dannenbaum’s help, began producing news releases with a Plainfield Teachers letterhead. The team acquired a nickname (the Lions) and was outfitted in the school colors (mauve and puce). Its coach was Ralph “Hurry Up” Hoblitzel, a former Spearfish Normal star who devised the W-formation, in which both ends faced the backfield. One of the ends was “Boarding House” Smithers.

But Chung was the star, and the stats Newburger provided via his press releases (Chung – nicknamed the “Celestial Comet” – had supposedly scored 57 of Plainfield’s 98 points through four games) duped New York Post columnist Herbert Allan into mentioning Chung prominently in his “College Grapevine” column.

In reality, though, the most nationwide publicity Chung and Plainfield Teachers received was when the prank was uncovered. A story written by William Tucker of United Press International appeared in newspapers across the country on November 15, 1941.

“The flying figments not only are unbeaten and untied, they are unreal,” Tucker wrote. “But for the better part of this football season their fabulous deeds on the gridiron received some due notice in some of the nation’s leading newspapers.”

The story revealed that Plainfield’s foes (Chesterton, Scott, Winona, Randolph Tech, Ingersoll, Appalachian Tech, Harmony Teachers and St. Joseph) were also fictitious.

Talk about fantasy football.

In an era when calling in scores was common practice and newspapers were the primary source of information, who knows how long the deceit would’ve continued?

Yet, someone apparently thought the joke was no longer amusing, and his tip on November 11 prompted newspaper employees in the northeast to check Plainfield’s credentials.

They had none.

Tucker wrote:

“Plainfield’s brief but terrific saga as a pigskin power ended last Tuesday when an anonymous tipster telephoned the Herald-Tribune sports department and said: ‘I’ll give you fellows a tip. There ain’t no such college as Plainfield Teachers. Bunch of fellows down on wall street are kidding you.’”

Eighty-two years later, I still think it’s pretty funny.

Pro football, Hollywood-style

Super Bowl El-Vee-Eye-Eye is upon us, with the Philadelphia Eagles battling the Kansas City Chiefs for the right to claim National Football League supremacy for the 2022-23 season.

Personally, I have no rooting interest in either team.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Spoutable @ScottAdamson, Post @scottscribe, Mastodon @SLA1960 and Twitter @adamsonsl

I paid some attention to the Eagles between 1973 and 1977, but only because I was a fan of Roman Gabriel. I cheered for him when he was with the Los Angeles Rams and continued to follow him during his run in Philly those five seasons.

As for Kansas City, I still haven’t forgiven the Chiefs for beating my New York Jets, 13-6, in the 1969 American Football League playoffs.

So, when tonight’s extravaganza takes place, I’m just hoping both teams have fun and the competing players and coaches learn valuable life lessons along the way.

But I feel I have a moral obligation to write something pro football-related on this special day, so I’ve decided to rank my Top 10 pro-football related movies.

I’m not approaching this with a serious critic’s eye – I’m just telling you which ones are my favorites. Truthfully, a lot of them make the list only because they resonated with me at a certain time in my life and have stayed in my memory. (Please note I’m excluding all documentaries from consideration because there are too many outstanding ones to count and we’d be here all day).

Anyway, I’ll start with No. 10 and work my way up. I’m sure you have your own favorites and they might be quite different than mine, but if nothing else maybe a couple of the picks will make you go, “Hey … I forgot about that one.”

Away we go …

10. Number One (1969)

Two major life events happened to me in 1968. One, I became a huge pro football fan and two, I saw Planet of the Apes. So, when the main human character in POTA plays quarterback for the New Orleans Saints in a major motion picture in 1969, well, you know I have to see it.

The choreographed football action was thrilling for me, even though Charlton Heston (playing Ron “Cat” Catlan) was hardly convincing as an ancient signal caller. He looked like he had never touched a football before. Co-stars Jessica Walter and Diana Muldaur had my attention, though. Even though I was still a little feller, they gave me that special tingly feeling formerly reserved for Batgirl and Honey West.

Weirdly, the thing I remember most about Number One was seeing Heston bleeding from the ear after getting sacked by a Dallas Cowboys player.

No flag was thrown, either.

9. Heaven Can Wait (1978)

This is one of those movies that makes me feel good every time I watch it, and I’ve watched it many, many times.

Warren Beatty was convincing enough as Los Angeles Rams backup QB Joe Pendleton, and the banter between him and trainer Max Corkle (played by Jack Warden) was great. The comic chemistry cooked up by Dyan Cannon and Charles Grodin, however, was what made Heaven Can Wait a classic.

Julie Christie, Buck Henry (who served as co-director with Beatty), James Mason and Vincent Gardenia are also top-notch in a movie that has a little bit of everything.

8. Brian’s Song (1971)

This is the Old Yeller of football movies because you’re gonna wind up crying like a baby at the end.

Billy Dee Williams was terrific as Gayle Sayers. But you watch James Caan as Brian Piccolo in this and then as Sonny Corleone in The Godfather a year later, and you realize what a great actor he was.

7. Semi-Tough (1977)

Much more a satire about the self-help craze of the 1970s than a football story, there was still enough gridiron action to make it work as a “sports movie.” Robert Preston’s portrayal of team owner Big Ed Bookman allowed him to really show his comedy chops, and Bert Convy – who I had only seen on game shows – was perfect as the film’s unctuous self-help guru.

Of course, Burt Reynolds played running back at Florida State, so he didn’t have to pretend how to play in the action scenes. And Kris Kristofferson was kinda/sorta believable as a receiver, too.

6. The Longest Yard (1974)

Unless I missed something, we never knew which pro football team Paul “Wrecking” Crewe played for before being sent to prison (and I’m talking about the 1974 version … not the 2005 Adam Sandler remake I haven’t seen). But Reynolds’ portrayal of the QB who led the prison team “Mean Machine” was Hall of Fame worthy. This was a great movie all the way around, but more than a third of the two-hour running time was devoted to the game between the cons and the guards. That makes this one of the most footbally of all football flicks.

It was also loaded with real NFLers like Ray Nitschke and Joe Kapp and – the more I think about it – I should probably rank it higher.

5. Big Fan (2009)

As the title suggests, this is more about a fan than a player. However, Patton Oswalt is brilliant as the New York Giants-obsessed, live-at-home-with-his-mom, sports talk radio call-in warrior. It’s funny at times and sad at others, and while there’s really no football to speak of, we all know this character (and, in some cases, are this character, even though we don’t want to admit it).

4. Paper Lion (1968)

It wasn’t until the early 1970s when I saw this on TV, but I was fascinated by George Plimpton and his desire to put his body on the line in order to write about sports. A pre-Hawkeye Pierce Alan Alda did a nice job portraying Plimpton, who “tried out” for the Detroit Lions.

The film featured real Detroit players and coaches, but it also showed Plimpton playing in an exhibition game against the St. Louis Cardinals, which never actually happened. (In reality he only played in an intra-squad scrimmage, but that’s still pretty cool – just not cool enough for Hollywood).

3. Legend In Granite (1973)

I never thought Ernest Borgnine could pull off playing Vince Lombardi, but damn if he didn’t. I was amazed at how he not only looked the part but was able to mimic Lombardi’s mannerisms.

I was a 12-year-old football goob when this came into my living room courtesy of ABC. My dad was a Packers fan, so he looked forward to watching it as much as I did.

I loved every second of it.

2. Everybody’s All-American (1988)

I know, I know … this is mostly about Gavin Grey’s glory days at LSU. But it also touches on the fictional player’s NFL days with Washington and Denver, so I’m counting it.

There was plenty of social commentary to go along with the story of a star who burns brightly and then fades away, making it one of my favorite sports movies. But man, the performances.

Jessica Lange, Dennis Quaid, Timothy Hutton, John Goodman and Carl Lumbly all brought their A games to this one.

1. North Dallas Forty (1979)

I watch this movie every year, which means I’ve seen it at least 45 times.

It’s a gritty indictment of the NFL (although that acronym is never mentioned), but the more you hear about the culture of the professional game, the more realistic it seems.

And the filmmakers went to great lengths to make both game action and practices look authentic.

But it’s also wickedly funny, and proved to me that the late, great Mac Davis was a truly talented actor. Playing North Dallas Bulls signal caller Seth Maxwell, Davis held his own against Hollywood heavyweights Nick Nolte (receiver Phil Elliott) and Charles Dutton (assistant coach Johnson).

Dabney Coleman is at his smarmy best as team executive Emmett Hunter, and the late John Matuszak (who was an NFL defensive end by trade but played offense lineman O.W. Shaddock) goes off on one of the all-time great rants in a pivotal scene late in the film.

In fact, while you guys watch all the Super Bowl El-Vee-Eye-Eye pre-game chatter, I think I might dust off the ol’ DVD player and check North Dallas Forty out again.