Tall, thin and nattily dressed in a deep purple sport coat and slacks, Count Dracula waved at the man from his small table in the back of the restaurant.
Robert Belmont had been running the Vampirical Evidence website ever since he dropped out of junior college, and after nearly 10 years of chasing leads – and shadows – he had finally scored an interview for the ages.
As Belmont reached the table, Dracula extended his hand and smiled broadly – revealing a pearly white (if fangless) set of teeth.
“So nice to meet you, Mr. Belmont,” he said. “I hope this restaurant suits you.”
It did, indeed.
While a damp, dark castle might’ve been a more traditional setting, those were hard to come by in Hays, Kansas. Plus, meeting a vampire in a public place was much safer for the interviewer.
“This is great, Count,” he said. “It’s such an honor to finally meet you.”
Belmont had spent countless hours studying vampire mythology, and had so many questions he worried that he wouldn’t have time to get even half of them answered.
“I hope you don’t mind if I jump right in,” he said, plopping a digital voice recorder and spiral notebook down on the table. “I’m gonna record the conversation, if that’s not a problem. Or maybe should I ask, is your voice even recordable? I’m hoping you can help explain which myths have an element of truth and which ones are false.”
Dracula drank deeply from his wine glass and leaned back in his chair.
“I’m afraid you might be disappointed when you find out how many myths are just that,” he said. “That said, I’m hoping I can clear some things up for you and your audience. Oh, and yes … my voice records just fine.”
Belmont turned on the device and started his questioning.
“OK,” he said. “First off, how many years have you been in your castle in Transylvania?”
Dracula gave Belmont a puzzled look.
“Uh, I’m from New Castle, Pennsylvania,” he said. “I grew up in a midcentury modern home there. I’ve never been to Transylvania … I couldn’t even find it on a map.”
Belmont was dumfounded.
“But your name is Count Dracula … I’ve confirmed it through some of my sources on Facebook.”
Dracula nodded.
“Ah, yes, Facebook. Isn’t there a group on there that has proof that four plus four equals five?” Dracula said, using air quotes to emphasize the word proof. “You can’t believe everything you read, Mr. Belmont.”
The interviewer began hastily thumbing through his notebook.
“So, are you denying that you’re Count Dracula?” he asked.
“Not at all,” Dracula answered. “My family name is Dracula. My first name is Count … my parents were rather eccentric and huge fans of Count Basie, which is how I got my name.”
Belmont reached into his pocket and pulled out his smartphone. On it were several photos and drawings of Dracula from various time periods, all bearing a striking resemblance to the Dracula sitting in front of him.
“Come on, Mr. Belmont, “ Dracula said. “Really? I don’t recognize any of those photos, which means I’m quite certain they’re photoshopped. As for the drawings, anyone could’ve done those. Nothing there proves I’m a vampire.”
Belmont sighed.
“You’re not a vampire, then?” he asked, earnestly.
Dracula’s eyes widened.
“Oh yes, I’m a Vampire,” he said. “The Vampire family hails from Romania. I did dome research on a genealogy website and learned that Augustus Vampire emigrated from there back in the 1600s. Eventually – because of the myths – they changed the name to Vampoor and settled in Malta.
“What you thought you knew, you don’t. Am I undead? Well, yes … if you’re alive, you’re undead. Do Vampires drink blood? The Vampoors drank a lot of blood orange juice because they had a citrus orchard. I’m sure you’ve had fun with your Vampirical Evidence website, but I’m your evidence – and I don’t think it was what you hoped to find.”
Belmont closed the notebook, slid his phone and recorder into his pants pocket and stood up from the table.
“Well,” he said. “I appreciate your time, anyway. I doubt my site is gonna generate much traffic after I run this story.
“Thanks again.”
Dracula watched Belmont leave the restaurant and followed him out moments later, getting into a car that had just pulled up.
“Well?” asked the driver.
“Good news and bad news,” Dracula said. “I’m pretty sure I fooled him … I masked my scent with cologne and he seemed genuinely dejected when he left. But there’s a full moon coming in three days, and we need to be vigilant.
“Belmont might not think I’m a vampire, but I know for a fact he’s a werewolf – I could smell that bastard the minute I saw him.”