“This is freakin’ awesome.”
Tex Flannery touched down on the Princess of Pleasure luxury liner and marveled at how clean and fancy the massive commercial ship was. For a man whose last trip on the water was a drunken ride on a pontoon boat, this was paradise.
“See, guys, this is what it’s like to live the good life,” he said to his three travel companions – brother Toby Flannery and friends Ellis Baxter and Jimmy Slatfield, all lined up behind him. “Them billionaire boys know how to throw a party, don’t they?”
For years the Body of Benevolent Billionaires – a group of 10 of the world’s richest men – had combined their considerable resources for space missions, deep sea explorations and plenty of exotic, headline-grabbing ventures. But charity work? That really wasn’t on their agenda. They were simply finding new ways to make themselves even richer and more famous, and they were succeeding. People like Tex didn’t seem to mind at all.
But the BBB hoped to change that perception with its “No News Is Good News Cruise,” an unprecedented event taking place all across the globe and open to everyone who chose to participate.
Ships were gathered at every port – welcoming people from all walks of life – for a 10-day, all-expenses paid cruise.
Tex and his entourage were among the millions of people who would take advantage of the free vacation, courtesy of BBB.
The catch?
There was no catch, unless you were a news junkie.
On the “No News Is Good News Cruise,” passengers would have all their phones and personal computers taken from them for the duration of the voyage. For a week and three days, they would be living in their own private world.
“This will be a cruise in which you can relax and recharge,” said billionaire businessman Oakley Attar, who made the announcement live on social media three months before the September 18 sailaway. “You can be with your friends and loved ones and enjoy days and nights filled with great music, wonderful food and the lost art of conversation. For 10 days you won’t have to hear about war, crime, disease … none of the horrors that continue to plague our planet. Thus, the name ‘No News Is Good News.’ We trust this will be the most memorable getaway of your lifetime and when it ends, you’ll have a fresh new perspective on life.
Tex and his entourage were leaving from the Port of New Orleans, and their travel route was Key West, Freeport and Nassau.
They had already checked their luggage at the cruise terminal (where they were issued photo ID cards), and greeted by uniformed security as they stepped off the gangway.
“Tex Flannery, Harahan, Louisiana … good to see you, chief,” he said as the smiling guard – the name tag on his crisp, white shirt identified him as Captain Benzer – looked at his card.
“Welcome aboard, Mr. Flannery,” Benzer said, scanning him quickly with a wand. “Just for our records, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m an electrician,” Tex said. “Been working at Allied Electric since the late 1990s, I’m proud to say.”
“Very good,” Benzer replied, placing a red dot on his card and handing him a sheet of paper. “All the information about your quarters is on you handout, as well as the itinerary. Happy to have you with us and enjoy your stay, sir.”
“We will, and you pass along my thanks to ol’ Oakley. That man is a real visionary. Maybe the next time he decides to do something nice for everybody he’ll give us all one of those big, silver City Tanks. If they weren’t so expensive, I’d have one in my driveway right now.”
Toby, Ellis and Jimmy went through the same process with Benzer. Toby was also an electrician and given a red dot while Ellis was a floor manager at a lumber yard and received a green dot. Jimmy was the oldest of the group and retired, earning a white dot on his passenger card.
“Just out of curiosity,” Tex asked, “what are the dots for?”
“Honestly, sir, that’s a surprise,” Benzer said. “We have some activities planned for our guests and the colored dots will help us figure out how to divide everyone up.”
“Oh, I hope it’s dodgeball,” Tex said. “Ain’t nothing quite as fun as raring back and plunkin’ somebody.”
The “No News Is Good News Cruise” lived up to its billing, and for the next nine days Tex and the more than 1,200 passengers lived like kings and queens.
The dance floor was always open, the food and booze flowed freely … it was a fantasy made real. However, following day seven some of the passengers noticed flashes of light in the night sky, and by the eighth day there was a red hue as far as the eye could see.
“Something’s wrong here, Tex,” Jimmy said. “I keep asking the security people what’s going on, but they keep telling me there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Then don’t worry about it,” Tex snapped. “Don’t you think Oakley Attar knows what he’s doing? You know what … I’ll bet him and the other billionaire boys are puttin’ on fireworks shows for all the people that couldn’t come on the cruise. Yep … I bet you money that’s it.”
However – as Day 10 dawned – the Princess of Pleasure had headed even further out to sea, and it was joined in the ocean by what appeared to be an armada of other luxury liners.
As buzz from the guests increased, an announcement blared from the ship’s loudspeaker system.
“Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention. On behalf of Oakley Attar and his associates, we hope you’ve enjoyed your vacation. However, now it’s time to get to work. The earth as you knew it no longer exists. Cities have been leveled through nuclear engagement, and the Body of Benevolent Billionaires have assumed effective control of all world governmental functions. Over the past two decades, we have overseen the construction of 10 massive underground bunkers in which we will form a new society known as UnderGroundEarth.”
The announcement continued as armed personnel surrounded the exits of the ship.
“Those of you with red and green dots on your card will be eligible for maintenance work. Green dots, blue dots and orange dots will be dealt with on a case-by case basis, with the possibility of more skilled labor opportunities. All red, green and blue dots should present your card to one of our associates you’ll see wearing brown shirts and caps, and you’ll be taken to a work vessel. Once there you’ll be screened and considered for permanent or temporary entry into one of our facilities. Those of you with white dots are, I’m afraid, ineligible for UnderGroundEarth. But we have reserved one of the ships for your convenience, and you are welcome to stay there as nuclear winter sets in. We hope you enjoyed the ‘No News Is Good News Cruise’ as much as we enjoyed making it possible.”
Tex looked at his card and walked toward the first man he saw wearing a brown shirt and hat.
“I guess I’m supposed to give this to you,” he said. “One thing though … that Benzer fellow talked about how the dots would be used to divide up everybody. Are we not gonna play dodgeball?”
