The hanging meat of Hellman High

The 40th reunion of Hellman High School’s Class of ’84 was well into its third hour when the band took a break after performing Night Ranger’s “Sister Christian.” Many of the well-lubricated guests then headed to the cash bar for a refill, or outside for a cigarette.

“There’s where I did the deed,” said Daryl Bailey, lighting his Marlboro just outside the gymnasium’s red EXIT sign and glancing toward the baseball field as a handful of other smokers joined him.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

The round, red brick gymnasium had held up relatively well over the years, although it was now a community center instead of home to the Hellman Purple Demons basketball and volleyball teams.

The school itself had moved to nice, modern digs a few blocks away, yet the old gym and main building remained – as well as the baseball field.

And it was the baseball field that made Hellman High a cause célèbre back in 1983. Oh, it had nothing to do with the team … they rarely put together winning seasons. But the gate that led to the field – and specifically the latch to the gate – gave rise to the “Hanging Meat of Hellman High” legend.

On a late spring Monday morning, members of a freshman gym class were heading to the baseball field while some upperclassmen were walking off. It was routine for the frosh to run through the open gate of the chain-link fence, take a lap around the field, and then line up for jumping jacks and pushups.

But Lonnie Stone never made it to the field.

Hardly a fast runner, he was bringing up the rear while his classmates charged toward the diamond. Just as he was about to enter, the right side of the gate swung violently in his direction, and his upper right leg hit the fork latch at full force.

The latch ripped a trench in his flesh, peeling it back like an accordion as the youngster screamed in agony.

A combination of excruciating pain – and blood loss – caused Lonnie to faint, and even after paramedics arrived, there was some question as to whether or not he’d survive.

But as they put him on a stretcher and sped away to the hospital, a part of him was left behind.

Roughly six inches of flesh hung from the fork latch, creating a gruesome scene. It was so sickening, in fact, no one wanted to go near it – not even the Hellman High coaching staff.

For days the shredded piece of Lonnie’s leg dangled from the latch, alternately eliciting giggles and gasps from kids who dared move in for a closer look.

By Friday it was still there, although at that point it had baked in the sun so long it resembled beef jerky.

And then – the following Monday – it was gone.

The gate was closed and the latch clean, presumably the work of the school’s janitorial staff.

But some of the more creative members of the Hellman High student body decided the incident was too bizarre to just let go, so they didn’t. They claimed that the hanging meat of Hellman High hadn’t been cleaned up at all – it had actually wandered off into the woods behind the field. Lonnie’s pain had manifested itself into an evil, troll-like creature – “Meaty” they called it – and it kept a watchful eye on everyone who dared run past the gate and onto the field.

It was said that late at night, you could sometimes see Meaty’s glowing red eyes staring out from the woods – occasionally releasing a guttural scream mimicking that of Lonnie’s.

It made for a nice campfire-style story, especially since Lonnie never returned to Hellman High; he moved to another state after his father got a new job, and his accident occurred during the final week of his freshman year.

Thing is, it wasn’t an accident.

Large gates like the one at the baseball field don’t just swing by themselves – they need a push.

And if not for Daryl, Lonnie wouldn’t have the gash in his leg, and Hellman High wouldn’t have its legend.

Bailey was a bully, and during his high school days took great pleasure in causing pain to kids who were younger and smaller than him.

As he saw Lonnie trundle toward the field, the junior thought it’d be funny if the freshman met the gate face first. So, he grabbed it with both hands and pushed as hard as he could.

Unfortunately for Lonnie, the  timing was a bit off and instead of crashing into the gate – which would’ve been painful enough – his leg was caught by the gash.

Although several students saw Daryl do it, they didn’t dare report him. And while the legend grew during his senior year, anyone who told the tale made sure to leave his name out of it for fear of retaliation.

“I kinda felt bad about it,” he said to no one on particular. “I mean, I thought it’d be funny as hell to see his stupid face slam into that gate, but I didn’t mean to send him to the hospital. I wonder if the kids at the school still talk about the hanging meat at Hellman High? I hope so … it means I’m still famous.”

Feeling nostalgic – and a little bit buzzed – Daryl stomped his cigarette out and wandered toward the gate. All but one of the others headed back in as the band cranked up 38 Special’s “Back Where You Belong.”

Daryl stared off into the woods and – even though he figured it was probably just his imagination – felt like he was being watched.

In fact, he was.

“Hey.”

Daryl was startled by the voice, and as he turned around, he saw a small, slight man standing just a few feet away. He’d seen him during the course of the evening, although Daryl had no real idea who he was.

“It’s me, Daryl … Lonnie … Lonnie Stone,” he said. “I heard about the Class of 84’s reunion and thought I might be able to find you here. Turns out anybody can buy a ticket to one of these things – I didn’t even have to use my real name. Anyway, I just want you know that I forgive you for what you did to me.”

Lonnie then pointed toward the gate.

Daryl turned slowly and froze; a hideous creature with glowing red eyes was glaring at him.

“Unfortunately,” Lonnie said. “Even though I forgive you, Meaty doesn’t. You took a pound of flesh from me, and now he’s here to take yours.”

WFL forever

Had my dream come true, we’d be celebrating the start of the 50th season of the World Football League on July 10.

All of the “Original 12” teams would be in Wednesday Night Football action – the Birmingham Americans, Chicago Fire, Detroit Wheels, Florida Blazers, the Hawaiians, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Sharks, Memphis Southmen, New York Stars, Philadelphia Bell, Portland Storm and Southern California Sun.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

To commemorate World Bowl 1, the Americans and Blazers would be competing in the marquee game of the evening, playing before a packed house at Jack Gotta Memorial Stadium. George Mira, who was MVP in Birmingham’s 22-21 victory over Florida half a century earlier, would have the honors of the ceremonial coin flip.

And the 36-team circuit (it absorbed the Canadian Football League in 1993) would be well-represented across the globe by franchises such as the Tokyo Kaiju, London Fog, Mexico City Empire and Paris Towers.

Sure, things would’ve changed since 1974. Some of the clubs’ logos would be modernized; there would be no single-bar facemasks; and television coverage from networks such as NBC, the BBC and the Japan Broadcasting Corporation, along with the WFL-Xtra streaming service, would be far superior to what was offered by TVS in Year One.

But the action point would remain – as well as seven-point touchdowns, one offensive back allowed in motion toward the line of scrimmage, the elimination of fair catches, a receiver needing only one foot in bounds for a reception, mustard-yellow game balls and colorful uniforms.

Ah, if only.

There are those who will never understand the fascination people like us have with the WFL. Shoot, I’m not even sure I understand it.

It lasted less than two years. And if you want to get technical about it, the 1974 WFL folded after a season and was replaced by New League Incorporated (doing business as the WFL), which collapsed before completing the 1975 campaign.

At the time, it was the sports financial disaster to end all sports financial disasters.

So why do we still talk about it – and love it?

Because it was new and it was different and it was fun.

For fans in NFL cities like New York, Chicago, Detroit, Houston and Philly, I’m sure it was mostly a novelty. They were major league cities that had an embarrassment of riches when it came to major league sports.

But for folks who lived in locales such as Birmingham, Orlando and Jacksonville, it brought us big-time football for the first time.

I mean, when I showed up at Legion Field to watch the Americans and Sun tangle in 90-degree weather, it wasn’t like I was cheering for (or against) guys I’d never heard of. The teams were a mixture of NFL veterans and college hotshots.

Running back Charlie Harraway had played the previous eight seasons in the NFL – and played well – before jumping to the Americans. And his counterpart with the Sun, Kermit Johnson, was fresh from a consensus All-American season at UCLA.

And before the league had even held a scrimmage, Larry Csonka, Paul Warfield and Jim Kiick had been convinced to leave the Super Bowl champion Miami Dolphins for a 1975 deal with the Southmen.

So yeah … the WFL was a pretty big deal.

I was fortunate enough to make a living writing sports, and it allowed me to cover everything from the NFL to the College Football Playoff. But you wanna hear something funny?

None of those games stick in my mind like random WFL contests.

Not a one.

Aside from being in the stadium for Birmingham’s 11-7 win over Southern Cal in the league lid-lifter, I distinctly remember July 11, 1974, and watching the Stars-Sharks game on TV with my dad.

Normally a Thursday night in the summer meant I’d be up the street at a friend’s house shooting hoops in his driveway or listening to music in his basement.

But that game – the inaugural telecast on TVS – was an event.

As a New York Jets fan, I cheered for the players who had traded in Shea Stadium for Downing Stadium and were now rocking the yellow and black of the Big Apple’s WFL Team.

And Jacksonville? Loved the black shark logo on the silver helmets.

There were nearly 60,000 fans in the Gator Bowl, and they got to witness the home team take a 14-7 victory.

I recall Memphis hosting Portland in Week 2, giving me a chance to scout the Southmen before they came to Birmingham on July 24.

And when the Stars traveled to Philadelphia to take on the Bell in the July 25 Game of the Week, QB King Corcoran was talking about how he thought the Philadelphia uniforms were “pretty” during a quick pregame interview.

It was must-see TV before the phrase was coined, and I thought I was seeing the start of something wonderful – and everlasting.

At this point I guess I’m supposed to go into all the depressing details about the World Football League’s demise. But I’m not going to, not on the 50th anniversary of its launch.

In fact, I’m celebrating its legacy because the NFL owes a great debt to the WFL.

The new league sparked a major increase in player salaries, which of course have since reached astronomical numbers.

And the WFL moved goal posts to the back of the end zone, kicked the ball off from the 30, and made tweaks to incentivize more soring, prompting the NFL to adopt more offense-friendly rules.

In short, the World Football League mattered, even if its official lifespan lasted only from October 2, 1973, to October 22, 1975.

And because it mattered, there are people like me who’ll spend Wednesday wearing our finest WFL T-shirts, reminiscing about what was and what might have been.

And I’m not saying I’m gonna drive over to Legion Field on July 10 and make a toast to the league’s Golden Anniversary, but … well, actually, I am saying that.

In my heart, the WFL  lives on … forever.

The cat

The cat eyed the visitor standing outside the front door, let out a quick yawn, and then laid its head back down on the sofa, its fluffy, gray tail switching rhythmically.

“You must be Jeff from that dot com,” said Malcolm Scrimm, his gap-toothed smile stretching across his wrinkled face. “Come in, come in. Here … I made you a cup of my famous tea. Everybody that enters the House of Scrimm has to at least try it.”

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

Scrimm was the owner of Vlad, a Norwegian Forest cat who – according to its owner – was 39 years old.

Jeff Jaffee worked for CandidCritters, a website that specialized in writing offbeat articles concerning animals. Having received a call about Vlad a week earlier, Jaffee wanted to see if there was something to the story.

“I appreciate you letting me come out,” said Jaffee, who had no real interest in the tea but politely took a sip after Scrimm passed the cup. “Wow … that’s really good, thanks. Well, I can see Vlad has quite a tail. Now I want to hear the tale of a cat that’s nearly 40. Do you mind if I pet him?”

“Please do.”

Jaffee gave Vlad a couple of soft rubs on the head, then scratched his chin.

If Vlad was, in fact, 39, then the folks at Guinness would need to amend their list. Creme Puff was a Texas feline that lived 38 years and three days from 1967 to 2005, making it the world record holder.

“Just curious,” Jaffee said. “How exactly do you know that Vlad is 39?”

Scrimm walked over to a table beside the sofa and grabbed a scrap book.

“Because I found him 39 years ago,” he said with a chuckle. “Just showed up on my doorstep on July 3, 1985. Couldn’t have been more than three or four weeks old. Here, look.”

Scrimm pointed to a photo of himself holding Vlad while standing on his porch, which was decorated in Fourth of July bunting.

“There’s your proof,” he said. “As you can see I had some 1980s hair going for me. I think I was trying to channel Howard Jones.”

Jaffee looked at the photo and it appeared to be legitimate. Still, he needed more proof than a faded Polaroid.

“That certainly looks like you and Vlad as a kitten,” he said. “But don’t you have any veterinarian records or something like that? I just need to cross the Ts and dot the Is … you understand.”

Scrimm rubbed his chin and thought for a moment.

“Sure I do,” he said. “Lemme get it from the drawer in the kitchen.”

As Scrimm left the room, Vlad continued to eye Jaffee. There was hardly anything unusual about a cat stare, but the look he was getting from the creature was unnerving. Making things even weirder was that he was struggling to look away and felt himself overcome by a wave of dizziness.

Jaffee stumbled back against the wall after Scrimm returned with a yellow piece of paper and silver tag.

“I found what you need,” Scrimm said. “This is the paperwork for his first rabies shot in 1985, as well as the tag. Of course I’m guessing the last thing on your mind right now is your little write-up.”

Scrimm plopped down on the sofa next to Vlad, who moved onto his lap without ever breaking eye contact with Jaffee.

“I can’t tell you the number of people who are just amazed by ol’ Vlad here,” Scrimm said, gently stroking the cat. “They can’t believe he’s as old as he is and looks as healthy as he does. But I’ll let you in on a little secret before you nod off, Jeff. It all comes down to diet.”

Poisoned by the tea, Jaffee could no longer move. He slowly slid down the wall, his shirt riding up his back and his legs sprawled in front of him as his life drained away.

“See, cats need a balanced diet to stay healthy,” Scrimm said. “A little chicken, a little fish, some grains … now you feed a cat that, and he’s probably gonna give you 15 or 20 good years. But Vlad here, he’s special. And as soon as he showed up, I knew we had something in common.

“I like killing people, and he likes eating the people I kill. Turns out you give a cat some long pig, and it adds years to their life.”

Scrimm grabbed Jaffee by his feet, pulled him toward the door leading to the basement, and shoved him down the steps.

Vlad’s tail raised straight in the air as he leapt from the sofa and headed for his dinner.

Scrimm reached for his phone and punched in seven digits.

“Yes, is this CandidCritters? This is Malcolm Scrimm. That fellow you were supposed to send – Jeff was it? He never showed up. But it’s probably just as well. Me and my cat don’t really like drawing attention to ourselves, anyway.

“Have a blessed day.”