A7FL offers up bare-bones football

Remember those thrilling days of backyard football?

Scott Adamson writes about alternative pro football leagues because it makes him happy, Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

No helmets, no pads – just friends and frenemies getting together for good, old-fashioned games of tackle that featured grass stains, torn T-shirts, and the occasional bloody lip.

All these years later, my favorite play remains a post pattern where I made my cut at the dogwood tree in the next-door neighbor’s yard.

Flowering plants, in case you didn’t know, can be quite effective when utilized as downfield blockers.

Last weekend I got to take a trip down memory lane thanks to a happy accident courtesy of my Roku streaming player.

I was playing around with it in search of free sports programming (I’m cheap) when I happened upon a channel devoted to highlights of the American 7s Football League.

And if you don’t know what the A7FL is, well, it’s basically 7-on-7 backyard football. The difference between it and the kind I used to play, however, is this league (founded in 2014) features some talented football players.

And it’s really fun to watch.

A quick glance at game play and you might think you wandered into a rugby sevens match. Then you see receivers go in motion, quarterbacks roll out and unleash forward passes, and plays end in one-on-one, wrap-up tackles.

You don’t have to worry about helmet-to-helmet contact because while there is plenty of full contact, there are no helmets.

And just like in the backyard days when we took liberties with the official rules of football, A7FL has a unique set of its own.

Without getting too deep in the weeds, here’s the CliffsNotes version of rules:

* The field is 100 yards long and 37 yards wide, and there is no kicking of any kind.

* Each game begins with a “throw-off” in which three players of the throwing team line up at their own 35-yard line while one chunks the ball to a lone receiver on the opposing team.

(Back in the day we called these “pass-punts”).

The ball has to travel a minimum of 40 yards and once it gets past the receiver’s 25-yard line, it’s live. And the throw-offs I’ve seen have been pretty exciting … a lot of speed and a little brawn sometimes results in a TD.

After that play, which starts each half and follows each score, things begin to look a bit more like the “normal” gridiron game.

* Touchdowns are worth 6 points, with a 1-point conversion coming from a successful run or pass from the 5-yard line, and a 2-point conversion attempted from the 10.

* The QB can line up in the shotgun formation or behind the linemen, and he can’t be deeper than five yards from the line of scrimmage when in the ‘gun.

Obviously this is a pass-heavy league, although from time to time you will see a back plunge into the line or take a pitch. QB runs appear to be fairly common, too.

Currently the circuit has 16 teams concentrated in the Northeast United States (seven clubs are based in Baltimore) and the season runs from April to July.

One of the reasons I enjoy this league so much is that I’ve come to appreciate rugby more in the last year. As I mentioned earlier, you don’t have to watch much of an A7FL game to see the similarities.

But in a time when we’re being bombarded with new spring pro football leagues, the A7FL is a nice change of pace.

The players don’t make a living doing it, the league isn’t relying on packed stadiums and big-money TV contracts for survival, and it’s not a springboard to the NFL.

It’s simply American football stripped down to its bare necessities.

It’s a lot more advanced than the backyard football I used to play – players don’t have to worry about dogwood trees – but it’s fun and familiar.

Even if you aren’t a weekend warrior anymore, it’s good to know there are guys who keep the battle going.

And A7FL players do it in an entertaining way.

For more info on the league, go to www.a7fl.com.

I’m a goob, and proud of it

My name is Scott, and I’m a 58-year-old goob.

Brain Farce is a humor column written by Scott Adamson. It comes out basically whenever he feels like writing it. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

And I’m absolutely fine with that.

Now, I’m sure there are some people (especially those of you who have me in your Death Pool) who think that because I’m a 58-year-old I’m supposed to do “age appropriate” things.

Perhaps I should be hardened by life and spend much of my time being angry as I pull my pants up to my teats and/or wear shorts with dress shoes.

Yeah, I don’t do that.

I mean, sure, I’m disgusted by all the stupid in the world and there are a number of people I’d like to hit upside the head with a shovel.

But I don’t do it because we goobs – regardless of age – are not violent.

When did my goobiness start?

Good question.

I remember watching the “Batman” TV series before I ever bought a comic book, and the colorful, campy world of the Caped Crusader was a world I very much wanted to be a part of.

And my parents let me do it, even when I insisted on sitting cross-legged on the floor, bathed in the light of the bat signal while wearing a towel I fashioned into a cape.

They knew I was a kid, and I’m sure they both figured at some point I’d put away childish things.

They figured wrong, for – to date – I have not.

As I grew slightly older I graduated from campy TV to more “serious” comics, and by the age of 12 I learned that the TV Batman was not the “original” Batman at all.

Proto Batman was a master detective and grim vigilante, and nothing like the “Bright Knight” portrayed by Adam West.

But while I continued to support the work and legacy of Gotham’s greatest hero, I also developed a deep appreciation for the likes of Spider-Man, Superman, the Fantastic Four and Wonder Woman.

The world might’ve known me as a mild-mannered honor student and soccer player, but in reality I was an Uber Goober.

When “Superman: The Movie” came out in 1978, I was a junior in high school.

I saw the film with a date on the Friday it opened, with a friend on the following Saturday, by myself on Sunday, convinced my girlfriend to watch it again with me the next Friday, and screened it for a fifth time on Saturday.

“Good grief, son,” I remember my dad saying, “How many times are you going to see that movie?”

I don’t remember my answer, but I planned on seeing it as many times as it took to grasp the magnificence of Superman plucking both a free-falling Lois Lane and a plunging helicopter out of the air.

But the real game-changer came with 1989’s “Batman.”

Yes, I was a grown-ass man long out of college and working as a sportsball writer, but real life paled in comparison to Batman’s reel life. Tim Burton, Michael Keaton, and Jack Nicholson delivered a masterpiece, and I don’t even want to think about how much money I spent seeing that one over and over again. After the movie came out on video (remember when that was a thing?), I rented a VCR (remember when those things were a thing?) and took it to Mom and Pop’s house so that they, too, could experience the thrill.

Mom spent the movie doing needlework and trying to figure out where she’d seen Nicholson before, and Pop fell asleep – dozing off before Batman had a chance to save Vicki Vale at the museum.

It took me a while, but I eventually forgave my father for that incredible display of disrespect.

Anyway, Hollywood has churned out a buttload of superhero flicks over the years, most that I’ve seen and many that I have completely swooned over.

There were 21 films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe leading up to “Avengers: Endgame,” and I saw each one multiple times.

There were some that made me emotional because I became so invested in the story and characters.

If you’re uncomfortable with the fact that there were three scenes in “Endgame” that made me cry, you can smooch my patooty.

Of course “Batman Begins,” The Dark Knight” and “The Dark Knight Rises” are beyond compare, although it should be noted that I’ll see any movie with Batman in it because I feel I have a moral obligation to do so.

He is, after all, Batman.

And by the time Matt Reeves’ “The Batman” comes out, I might be 60 years old.

But you know what?

I’ll still go to the theater to see it multiple times, and I’ll still wear a Batman T-shirt to show my devotion.

Shoot, I’ll even pretend from time to time that I am Batman.

Years from now when I’m in the assisted living facility, I might even believe it.

Yet whether I’m 58, 68, 78, 88 or the age when I falsely accuse nurses of stealing my Pop-Tarts while they parade around my room wearing hamster costumes, I have no intention of being anyone other than myself.

An Uber Goober’s gotta goob out – even when his time is running out.

Would you support the SFL?

(Photo by Mike Ehrmann/AAF/Getty Images)

For those of you craving American-based, non-NFL professional football, you’re going to have to wait nine months until the “new and improved” XFL kicks off.

Scott Adamson writes about alternative pro football leagues because it makes him happy, Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

On Monday Vince McMahon’s do-over league announced an impressive media partnership (ESPN and FOX Sports), so unlike some upstarts that miss their launch date I think this one really is a go for February, 2020.

The Freedom Football League and Pacific Pro Football are also planning to begin their inaugural seasons next year, and there are probably others in the works.

There always are these days.

But since the last league to successfully exist in the same universe as the NFL was the American Football League, those of us who are fans of Brand X operations know not to get too attached.

What’s here today is quite likely to be gone tomorrow.

However, I’ve often thought about what kind of NFL alternative league I’d put together if given the chance. What would I want to see and how could it possibly work?

Glad you asked.

First off, forget about spring football … the United States Football League did it best and nothing else has come close. Plus, these leagues that start the week after the Super Bowl (such as the original and future XFL as well as the recently expired Alliance of American Football) are beginning play at a terrible time of year.

The weather is cold and nasty, and doesn’t really get better until the season is done.

My league – I’m calling it the Summer Football League – would start the first Saturday in May and have a 14-week regular season.

Using this year’s calendar, Week 1 would’ve commenced on May 4, the final week of the set schedule would be played on August 3, and there would be two weeks of playoffs with the SFL championship game (the Summer Bowl) on August 17.

Unlike those who continually insist that Americans have an unquenchable thirst for football year round, I’m not sure I believe that.

I think it’s perfectly fine to take three months off in February, March and April, especially with March Madness and the start of baseball season on the horizon.

Besides,  more fans would be in a football frame of mind with a May kickoff.*

* I’m a huge Canadian Football League fan and the preseason starts this month, so I’m already girded up and ready to go.

Ideally, the SFL would start with 12 teams in a mixture of markets. It’s always a good idea to have franchises in places like New York, Chicago and Southern California to entice TV partners, but second-tier cities might put more people in the seats. (Maybe announce the league 18 months from the start and do some polling to find out which cities are most likely to support summer football).

One important note: the SFL would not be a single entity circuit, which is the preferred model of late. I’m looking for men and women who want to own football teams and have tons of disposable income.

So, just for fun, let’s say the SFL features the following teams, which I’ve been nice enough to nickname for you:

EASTERN DIVISION

New York Nighthawks

Norfolk Admirals

Orlando Spirit

Raleigh Oaks

CENTRAL DIVISION

Birmingham Battalion

Chicago Zephyrs

Louisville Rivermen

Memphis Kings

WESTERN DIVISION

Portland Woodsmen

San Antonio Fortress

San Diego Armada

Tulsa Energy

The three division winners and one wildcard team would qualify for the playoffs.

All who know me know that when it comes to alternative leagues I want to see innovative rules and – fortunately – many of the ones I like best were used in the World Football League (1974-75).

WFL rules I’d steal for the SFL are:

* Touchdowns are worth 7 points.

* Instead of a PAT kick, offenses would attempt a 1-point conversion from the two and a half yard line.

* Offensive backs can go in motion toward the line of scrimmage before the ball is snapped.

* Fair catches are not permitted on punts. Instead, the returner receives a 5-yard cushion allowing him to field the kick.

* Only one foot in bounds required for a pass completion.

With kickoffs moving closer to becoming obsolete in tackle football, I’d be inclined to replace them with no-rush punts.

The “replacement” play would take place at the kicking team’s 30, and since you wouldn’t have players charging at each other from opposite directions, the chances of dangerous hits would be lessened.

Another rule change I really like is awarding defenses a single point for a fumble recovery or interception. Yeah, it’s a bit radical and usually when I bring it up I’m met with eye rolls, but it’s my league and my fantasy, so I’m going with it.

OK, we’ve got a season, 12 franchises and unique rules.

What about the players?

Well, I don’t think this “developmental league” approach is ever going to gain traction, especially since so many college players are already NFL ready before they leave school.

So, if my owners want to go after established NFL stars and high draft picks, they have my blessings. But ultimately, they aren’t going to prevail in bidding wars.

What I think would work best is to chase older NFL players and backups.

You won’t get Tom Brady to defect to the SFL, but you might get Brady’s backup, Brian Hoyer.

And the SFL would be a good landing spot for fading stars looking for one last shot at glory.

I’m betting fans would be more inclined to follow teams with former NFL players than squads stocked with guys who were never quite good enough to make the big leagues in the first place.

Thus, the SFL would be a nice warmup act for the college football and NFL headliners.

So, is something akin to the Summer Football League viable?

Only if you have a bunch of rich owners who take great satisfaction in losing money year after year and playing second fiddle to the “big league.”

The NFL has cornered the market on elite professional football, and by and large American football fans seem perfectly content with the gridiron fix provided by its 32 teams.

I’d love to see additional leagues pop up – the more the merrier – but the chances of their success are astronomically low.

If someone wants to form the Summer Football League and make me commissioner, though, I’m available.

And hopelessly optimistic.