Month: June 2018

I’m adopting Nigeria for this year’s World Cup

The World Cup begins on Thursday, and for casual soccer fans in the United States, that means it’s time to sit back and enjoy the U.S. Open.

Scott Adamson opines about The Beautiful Game periodically in Sidewinder Insider.

Indeed, if you live in one of the 50 states and follow “The Beautiful Game” only when the U.S. is in the quadrennial competition, there’s nothing to see here. The Americans famously flopped in qualifying and didn’t make the 32-nation field.

This is the first time the team in red, white and blue has missed the cut since 1986 and it’s pretty damn embarrassing.

Thus, there’s some really good golf to watch over the next four days at Shinnecock Hills.

But there are many people who are going to watch the World Cup no matter what, and I’m one of them. Regardless of who’s in or who’s out, I see it as the premiere sporting event in the world and want to catch as many matches as I can.

Of course it’s hard to fully enjoy sportsball unless you have a team to root for, so I had to jump on a bandwagon.

And I’m riding with Nigeria.

I became a fan of the Super Eagles in 1996 when Atlanta hosted the Olympic Games. Birmingham’s Legion Field was one of the venues used for soccer, and I covered all the matches played at the facility.

One of those contests came on July 28 when Nigeria faced Mexico in the quarterfinals and won, 2-0. I loved the team’s grittiness – how it gutted its way through group play and then, when reaching the knockout stage, started playing with great confidence and tremendous flair.

It started out the tournament as longshots but won the gold medal, outscoring Brazil 4-3 in the semifinals and stunning Argentina, 3-2, in the final.

Ever since then the Eagles have been one of my favorite squads, and they’ll be at the top of my cheering table as long as they last in Russia. It’ll be a tough task, though; they’re placed in Group D with Argentina, Croatia and Iceland.

Still, with great attackers like Kelechi Iheanacho, Alex Iwobi and Victor Moses, they’ll have a puncher’s chance in every match.

From an ancestral standpoint, I’ll also have some rooting interest in England and Spain.

My paternal lineage goes from Scotland to Wales to England, while my mother’s people trekked from Spain to England to the U.S.

Considering I watch the English Premier League religiously throughout its season and Manchester United is my favorite EPL club, it makes sense to follow The Three Lions.

The 23-man roster features four Man U players and all are culled from the English league.

Harry Kane is the top player on a talented roster, although England has a tendency to, uh, soil the sheets in this particular competition.

As for Spain, they might be the most technically sound team in the field. Plus it’s always fun to watch Sergio Busquets, Gerard Piqué and Sergio Ramos play (although Gerard Piqué has had some knee issues during training).

But there is also some major off the field drama since gaffer Julen Lopetegui – who recently re-upped as national team coach through 2020 – announced he will instead take over managerial duties at Real Madrid after the World Cup and was fired by Spain this morning. Fernando Hierro is now in charge of La Roja.

Finally, I want to see Mexico do well.

Yes, El Tri are the main association football rivals of the U.S. but, as I mentioned earlier, the U.S. ain’t playing and I’m not much into that whole hate thing. Plus, Liga MX is one of my favorite professional leagues and I’ve seen many of Mexico’s players in action, so there’s a sense of familiarity when the squad takes the field.  I’ll be neighborly and pull for Javier Hernandez and his teammates in all of their Group F matches.

At any rate, the World Cup is here and I’m here for all of it.

If you are, too, then pick a team – any team – and enjoy the show.

And if you hear me chanting “Sa Ma Sin Wa Lo” over the next couple of weeks, don’t be alarmed.

It’s just something we fans of the Super Eagles like to do.

The CFL rules because of the CFL’s rules

I started my newspaper career covering a high school football game in Ashland, Ala., in 1987. The last game I wrote about as a credential-carrying member of the media was Clemson’s victory over Wake Forest last fall at Memorial Stadium.

Out of Left Field is written by Scott Adamson. It appears when he feels like writing sportsball columns. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

In between I had “beat” duties for Alabama, Auburn, Georgia and Clemson in the college ranks, as well as the Carolina Panthers and Atlanta Falcons of the NFL.

But I guess after all this time I’m finally free to admit that my favorite brand of outdoor tackle football isn’t even played in the United States.

Thursday starting at 8:30 p.m., I’ll be situated on the far right corner of the futon watching the Edmonton Eskimos go head-to-head with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

A day later, at 9 p.m., I’ll take in the Toronto Argonauts vs. Saskatchewan Roughriders game.

And on Saturday, it’ll be a six-hour marathon for me, beginning with the Hamilton Tiger-Cats challenging the Calgary Stampeders and ending with the Montreal Alouettes trying their luck against the BC Lions.

Yep, it’s a new season of the Canadian Football League, and for me, it’s the most wonderful time of the gridiron year.

Anyone who knows me knows I’ve been enamored with the Canadian game for more than 40 years, so I won’t waste your time with an origin story.

I will tell you, however, that I started rooting for the Ti-Cats back in the 1970s, and last season adopted the Alouettes as my “backup” team.*

* I cheered for the Birmingham Barracudas in 1995 during the CFL’s brief stop in the southeastern United States (and still miss them).

And after all these years it’s funny to me that so many people seem gobsmacked that I dare take the CFL “seriously.”

Not only do I take it seriously, but I’ll take it over every other brand of tackle football that exists.

Why?

The answer is simple: I like the rules better.

Teams have 12 players to a side (an extra back on offense and an additional secondary player on defense).

The field is 110 yards long and 65 yards wide, and end zones are 20 yards deep with goalposts located on the goal line. So you might actually hear the announcer say, “Hamilton has first down at the Calgary 53.”
Teams have only three downs to make a first down, so you don’t see a lot of line plunges to test the opposing “D.”
If a ball is fumbled out of bounds, it becomes the possession of the last team to touch it.
Then there’s the rouge … the beautiful, quirky rouge.

It’s a 1-point score (also called a single) awarded to a team that kicks a ball into the end zone that isn’t returned (except on an extra point, or in CFL terminology, a “convert”).
Even if a kicker misses a field goal, his team still gets a point if the ball goes out of the end zone or if a kick returner takes a knee.

Yet my favorite play – albeit a rarity – is the “onside punt.”

Yep, any player who lines up behind the punter is considered “onside” and can recover a punted ball. Oh, and no fair catches are allowed on punts, either.

If you don’t follow the CFL, you may see these rules as gimmicks.

Not me … I view them as upgrades, and they make the game faster and more wide-open.

That translates to a more enjoyable experience for me.

This isn’t to say that I don’t also love “traditional” football.

On Saturdays in the fall I’ll watch an American college game, and on Sundays I’ll make room for the NFL.

As a graduate of UAB, I’m extremely interested in the Blazers’ revived program, and I’ve been a New York Jets fan since their American Football League days.

But nine times out of 10 – if I have to choose between the NCAA, NFL or CFL – I’m going to watch the game played north of the border.

It might not feature the world’s best football players, but I think it features some of the world’s best football games.

Brother, can you spare $18 million for a Batmobile?

I want a Batmobile and, according to Moneysupermarket.com, it’s going to cost $18 million to get it.

Brain Farce is an alleged humor column written by Scott Adamson. It comes out basically whenever he feels like writing it. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

I’m not asking you to give me the money … I’m merely asking that you believe with me that I’ll get it. And I believe the best way for that to happen is for you provide it.

Sound familiar?

It kinda is.

Recently, prosperity preacher Jesse Duplantis garnered plenty of attention when he said the Lord told him he needed a $54 million airplane to spread the good word.

And he makes a point of telling his flock he isn’t asking them for money (wink, wink), he’s just asking them to believe he’ll somehow come up with the necessary cash.

And he probably will, because ol’ Jesse has already got a pretty good gig going thanks to his pay-for-pray business.

The Cajun-spiced pastor lives in a 25-room house with a pair of two-car garages and has already had three jets at his disposal while running his lucrative “ministry.”

I guess while it’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God, Jesse figures if his plane is fast enough it can just strap the camel to the roof and blow right on through.

The sad part – aside from this guy being a shameless con – is that so many people are willing to be conned. I won’t be surprised at all if he gets enough money to score his cool jet, allowing him to stretch the reach of his gospel while stretching his legs and enjoying a cocktail in his spacious cabin.

And he’ll tell you that by helping him enrich his life, it’ll enrich yours.

(Spoiler alert: It won’t).

Still, I have to give Brother Duplantis a bit of credit for inspiring me to chase my dream, which brings me back to the Batmobile.

While there have been many rides for the Caped Crusader over the years – all outstanding in their own way – the one I want is the Tumbler. This is the sweet vehicle which was introduced in the movie “Batman Begins.”

It’s a prototype armored military tank designed as a bridging vehicle. It has state-of-the art weaponry and the ability to boost into a rampless jump.

Why do I need it?

I don’t.

But I want it because as much as I enjoy tooling around town in my 2013 Honda Accord, nothing would be as cool as commandeering the Tumbler.

Now, before you get nervous, I have no plans to use its weapons. There’s a slight chance I could fire off a short-range missile if the car in front of me refuses to immediately move forward when the light turns green, but beyond that, those features would go unused.

Also, I would not utilize the rampless jump; that would be showing off.

And I’ll be honest … me getting a Batmobile probably won’t benefit you at all. It’s a two-seater, so my wife would be the primary passenger and, most likely, only human rider besides me.

Other times I’d use the extra seat to transport my critters to the vet, or to store groceries.

See, while it’s important for Jesse to be able to fly nonstop from New Orleans to New Guinea, it’s important for me to be Batman.

I’ve come to accept the fact that I’m much closer to the Dork Knight than the Dark Knight, but having a Tumbler would make YOU think I’m Batman and, really, that’s all that matters.

So how can you help this happen?

Probably the easiest routes to take are 18 million of you sending me a dollar, or one of you sending me 18 million dollars. Doesn’t matter to me either way … work it out among yourselves.

However, those are hardly the only ways to put me in the Tumbler.

The makers of the vehicle could read this and send me one as thanks for all the great publicity I have given their product.*

* Dear Tumbler makers, if you decide to do that, please include the deluxe Sirius XM package.

Legendary Pictures, makers of Christopher Nolan’s Batman movie trilogy, could do the same. *

* Dear Legendary Pictures, if you decide to do that, please include the deluxe Sirius XM package as well as the butt-warming feature on the driver’s side.

Nolan himself, a man of great means and talent, could buy the Tumbler for me.*

* Dear Chris, if you decide to do that, please include the deluxe Sirius XM package, the butt-warming feature on the driver’s side, and a written explanation of how Bruce Wayne was able to escape The Pit and make it back to Gotham in The Dark Knight Rises.

I’m anxiously waiting to see how all this plays out. And if you decide to help me out, send a DM via Twitter and we can work out a payment schedule.

Then again, maybe I should just ask Jesse.

He seems to know how to get the most bang out of someone else’s buck.

Note from the Editor/Spouse:  Do not, I repeat, do NOT send him money to buy a Batmobile.  He already possesses tiny replicas of said vehicle, which much to my chagrin, are displayed throughout our home.