Rule innovations I’d like to see in XFL 2020

In case you haven’t heard (but I suspect you have), Vince McMahon is bringing back the XFL in 2020. You remember the XFL, right?

Out of Left Field is written by Scott Adamson. It appears weekly and sometimes more frequently if he gets up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

It was the one-and-done league from 2001 that mixed bombast and sleaze with subpar football. It went out of business because – by the end of its lone campaign – so few people cared about it there was no reason to keep it around.

That McMahon is giving football another try isn’t all that puzzling since he seems to have a genuine passion for the game. Not sure why he is reviving the XFL brand, though, because it will only remind us what a failure the original was.

But he’s got some disposable income and really wants a gridiron do-over, so more power to him.

He mentioned last Thursday when he announced the revival that he wants suggestions on how his league should “reimagine” the sport. About the only things he seems intense about are shorter games (around two hours) and no halftime (a move which might make for some really sloppy play by tired players in the fourth quarter).

But, as a fan of Brand X leagues I have a few ideas and am not shy about sharing them.

The first and best, of course, is to raid the NFL for talent and field teams with the best players possible. But even though Vince has deep pockets, I doubt they’re that deep.

Most likely the new XFL, like the old XFL, will be stocked with players not good enough to stick on NFL rosters.

But that’s OK … if you can’t have the best players, you can make up for it by being wildly creative and having the best rules.

So here are some outside-the-box changes to consider …

Touchdowns will be worth 7 points instead of 6 (I stole that from the old World Football League), and the PAT kick is eliminated in favor of a run or pass from the 2-yard line with a successful conversion worth 1 point.
(There was no extra point kick in the old XFL, either, by the way).

I also think there needs to be creative ways for defenses to score points.

You can keep the safety, of course, but the unit can record a single point for their team by recovering a fumble or making an interception.

Radical? A little, perhaps.

But not nearly as radical as this; the new XFL should have no kickoffs, no punts and no first downs.
Each game begins with the team that wins the toss starting at its own 20-yard line. From there, it has 10 plays to try to score a touchdown or field goal.
If it fails to score, the opposition takes over wherever the drive ends. Or, if on its final down (the 10th down) a team finds itself deep in its own territory, it can concede two points to the opposition in exchange for the other team starting at its 20.

You always hear that football is a game of field position, and these rules truly up the ante when it comes to strategy.

McMahon said he wanted the new XFL to be concerned with player safety, so from that standpoint the elimination of kickoff returns should go a long way toward lessening the likelihood of concussions. I know fans love the “headhunter hits,” but I think it’s time we evolve when it comes to how the game should be played.

Other changes that would differentiate XFL 2020 from what you see in the NFL and college football:

  • End zones are 20 yards deep (that rule is borrowed from the Canadian Football League) and goals posts are situated on the goal line.
  • All backs are allowed in motion toward the line of scrimmage (also borrowed from the CFL).
  • Receivers need just one foot in bounds to be credited with a reception AND as long as the pass catcher has the ball and keeps the ball from touching the ground up to the point that his knee hits the turf and ends the play, it will be ruled a completed pass.
  • Any pass that is “thrown away” is considered intentional grounding (spiking to stop the clock is excluded).
  • Teams have 20 seconds to snap the ball after officials give the “ready to play” signal.

Anyway, if you’re reading this Vince, I hope these suggestions help. And if, in 2020, I can see the Birmingham Brigade faced with a 10th and goal situation against the San Diego Surf, I’ll feel that my work here is complete.

Zombie deer are coming to a forest near you

Those who know me know I’m a vegetarian, so it’s probably rather obvious that I don’t hunt.

Never have, never will (barring some apocalyptic event in which all plant life is destroyed by an anti-tempeh terrorist organization).

Brain Farce is an alleged humor column written by Scott Adamson. It comes out basically whenever he feels like writing it. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

I have zero interest in wandering off into the woods and shooting a critter, because I like critters and – to date – not a single one has ever taken a shot at me. That being said, there is some hunting-related news I’m rather excited about.

According to a report in livescience.com, deer in at least 22 states and parts of Canada have died from chronic wasting disease.

That news is sad, of course, and thoughts and prayers go out to the entire Cervidae family. Still, there is hope for a happy ending.

Why?

Well, some side effects of this malady, according to the Center for Disease Control, include, “… drastic weight loss, a lack of coordination, drooling, listlessness or a ‘blank’ facial expression, and a lack of fear of people.”

Admittedly, this reminds me of me during my heavy drinking days, but in deer, this is known as “zombie deer disease.”

Now frankly, at that point I had no desire to read any further because you’re going to have one helluva time topping “zombie deer.”

And since I didn’t finish the article, I am free to imagine (hope?) what this means to hunters and hunting and bucks and does and the whole circle of life (and death).

Say, for example, you shoot Bambi’s mother. Normally, that would be a shitty thing to do. But if Bambi’s mother (I think her name was Tiffany … it was never clear in the movie) contracted this disease and died, would she not return as a zombie?

And if she did, would that not be one of the coolest things ever?

While Elmer Fudd is dragging her back to camp to process her, she suddenly springs to life (or however zombies define their resurrection), and bites his trigger-happy ass.

Fudd dies, but then he comes back as a zombie himself.

That’s where things could get vewwy, vewwy interesting.

The zombies in “Night of the Living Dead” were pretty traditional and fit the definition provided by the CDC.

They drooled, they hobbled … about the only time they ever showed any enthusiasm was when they got hold of fresh femur (where the meat just falls off the bone, by the way).

But remember the movie “World War Z?” Those zombies were amazingly fast. In fact, they were quite well-coordinated and formed impressive pyramids. Could it be that the disease might manifest itself in such a way that a Fudd zombie would be more akin to a Z zombie?

We still don’t have Patient Zero so we can’t answer that question yet.

At any rate, if zombie deer suddenly start to populate the forests, that’s going to be quite a game-changer.

Those who have a taste for venison will likely lose it once they realize Bambi’s mother isn’t going to be still long enough for you to eat her.

And, the knowledge that you could become a zombie Fudd yourself should be quite a deterrent to deer hunting. At least I think it would.

Look, I’m not trying to preach here. After all, some of my best friends are Fudds. And if you eat meat, chances are the meat you eat didn’t volunteer for the job and off itself so you could have a burger.

I’d like to think that’s the case, but I know it’s not.

Plus, animals eat other animals. That’s messed up, but no less a fact.

But I’ve never thought of hunting as a sport, since humans have guns and animals do not. And sport is defined as “physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment.”

However, if a Fudd goes up against a deer that is going to spring back to life right after it’s killed, then you’ve got yourself a ballgame, my friend.

 

I would’ve been a fan of the Birmingham Patriots

As a fan of the New York Jets, I can’t imagine ever rooting for the New England Patriots. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m legally required to loathe them.

Out of Left Field is written by Scott Adamson. It appears weekly and sometimes more frequently if he gets up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep. Follow him on Twitter @adamsonsl

But the Birmingham Patriots?

Yeah, I’m guessing I could’ve gotten behind them, even if it meant I had to drop Joe Namath, Don Maynard and the Flyboys to my No. 2 spot.

New England rallied to defeat Jacksonville on Sunday in the AFC Championship Game, again advancing to the Super Bowl and adding another chapter to the legend of Tom Brady and legacy of Bill Belichick.

You can hate the pretty boy QB and evil genius coach all you like, but theirs is a dynasty unlike any other with five Super Bowl conquests.

And if about 40,000 more fans had shown up at Legion Field back in September of 1968, the American Football League’s Boston Patriots might have morphed into the National Football League’s Birmingham Patriots – and I would’ve been wildly celebrating the win of my hometown team last weekend.

I suppose a bit of background is in order.

Boston was having stadium issues at the time (they played their 1968 home games at Fenway Park), and owner Billy Sullivan threatened to move the team if a suitable stadium wasn’t built. In fact, as part of an impending merger with the NFL, which became official in 1970, each AFL team was required to have a venue that seated at least 50,000.

That led AFL commissioner Milt Woodard to suggest the Patriots play a “test” game – which would be an actual regular season contest – somewhere else.

Legion Field seated 68,821 and, at the time, was one of the top facilities in the United States. So Sullivan decided to play a home game there against the New York Jets.

If a big crowd showed up, it might be enough to convince him to take his team to the Deep South.

The pot was sweetened since Namath, a University of Alabama product, was quarterbacking the Jets. Surely that would entice mass numbers of Crimson Tide fans to pack the stadium.

Sadly – at least for those of us who longed for an NFL team in the Magic City – Broadway Joe’s appearance did not have the desired effect on attendance.

A day after 63,759 fans watched Alabama beat Virginia Tech 14-7 at Legion Field, only 29,192 made a return trip to the “Gray Lady” to witness the Jets beat the Pats, 47-31.

Obviously, there’s no guarantee that the Patriots would’ve moved even if a capacity crowd had shown up to cheer them on.

Owners like to use cities as pawns, and a market the size of Boston would’ve been a tough one to leave. Plus, there would have been plenty of other suitors lined up. (Ultimately, Sullivan got his new stadium and the franchise has lived happily ever after).

Still, the less than enthusiastic response knocked Birmingham out of the running. In retrospect, that brief window half a century ago was arguably the last real chance the Ham had of landing a franchise in an established, United States-based professional football league.*

*Birmingham did have a team in the Canadian Football League in 1995, one of the rare times the franchise died while the league survived.

When the World Football League folded midseason in 1975, both the Birmingham and Memphis clubs petitioned for admission to the NFL, but that mini-merger was never seriously considered.

Besides, the NFL had already announced that Tampa Bay and Seattle would join the league in 1976.

So while Birmingham has also been home to the United States Football League, World League of American Football and XFL, it can likely forget about ever becoming part of the NFL.

Therefore, instead of wearing an oversized blue jersey and tricorne while supporting the Birmingham Patriots on Sunday, I cheered wildly for the Jaguars (a team I otherwise care nothing about) simply because there is no team in professional football I like less than New England.

Man, jealousy sucks.