By Scott Adamson
“Justice League,” which opened nationwide on Thursday, is first and foremost a study of justice.
And when justice is part of a league, there are bylaws and dues, as well as games against tough opponents.
This is the main plot of the major motion picture, but the men and woman who make up the organization have their own stories which you may or may not know.
Batman, of course, dresses like a bat because his parents were killed in an alley coming out the back of a theater. I think they were watching “Left Behind” starring Nicolas Cage, so they left early.
Their murderer, Joe Chill, hated the movie so much he acted out in a most unfortunate way.
This made Bruce Wayne, suddenly a rich orphan, sad and mad. So, instead of becoming an ass hat, like a lot of rich people do, he became a crime fighter. And also a bit of an ass hat, at least as played by Ben Affleck.
Wonder Woman is an Amazon, but since she’s the most powerful of her kind I would go so far as to say she is Amazon Prime. According to Wikipedia, Amazon Prime brought in $6.4 billion in earnings last year.
You go, girl!
Wonder Woman, by the way, is Gal Gadot, who you may remember from “Wonder Woman.”
Flash (played by that guy in Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them) is a very fast person who doesn’t have a lot of friends because he’s a goober. His dad (played by the big naked blue guy from “Watchman”) is in prison for killing his mother, even though “Fantastic Beasts” actor doesn’t think he did it.)
Aquaman lives in the water but, in this movie, does not ride a giant seahorse. That kinda pissed me off because I really wanted to see that.
I don’t think this role is played by an actor. Best I can tell, he really is Aquaman.
And Cyborg is a former football player who became basically just a head and some shoulders but was hooked up to a box that turned him into a machine.
Sounds a little far-fetched, but whatever.
Ray Fisher plays Cyborg. You don’t recall seeing him in “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” because he lost out on the role that eventually went to John Boyega, who is also in “Pacific Rim: Uprising.”
I’m looking forward to that.
And finally there is Superman, who some people thought was dead at the end of “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice,” but actually just didn’t feel good and needed some extended bed rest.
Returning for his third appearance as the Man of Steel is the guy who used to date Penny from “The Big Bang Theory.”
They must fight Steppenwolf, who had eight gold albums and 12 Billboard Hot 100 singles before turning into an absolute dick. He is played by Computer Generated Imagery, one of the busiest actors in blockbusters, and controls an army of giant mosquito-looking things (also played by CGI).
Anyway, that’s basically the spoiler-free, opinion-free review. There is plenty of dialogue and scenes involving the characters, and if you like this sort of thing, you’ll enjoy it.
If you don’t, you probably won’t. I mean, don’t go in expecting Schindler’s List because Liam Neeson is nowhere to be found, although I did see him in a trailer for an upcoming movie where he’s talking to a bad guy on the phone.
But isn’t he always?
Also, since I could not obtain image rights to stills from the film, I have provided my own original artwork which is embedded in this review.