Since my childhood, I’ve been something of a skeptic.
I never believed in Santa Claus, because I found it implausible that an old, obese man would have the energy to visit all the good boys and girls in the world in a single night.
Plus reindeer cannot fly (due primarily to inner ear infections common to the species).
When I lost a tooth and found a coin under my pillow, I knew it was put there by mom or dad.
The tooth fairy doesn’t deal in American currency and besides, she has no pockets to carry change.
I also rolled my eyes at the concept of an Easter Bunny.
Sure, there are giant rabbits – “Night of the Lepus” confirmed that. But they don’t bring your kids eggs at Easter or any other time of year because they don’t like children.
Really, this is all just common sense stuff.
However, there are certain things I’ve never questioned, and one of those things is the shape of the earth.
It’s round, and it’s obviously round.
So who could possibly believe otherwise?
Why, members of the Flat Earth Society, of course.
Seriously, this is an actual thing.
According to the Flat Earth Society website, all that silly science stuff suggesting the earth is round is just crazy talk.
All you have to do is go the FAQ section of the site to get confirmation.
Personally, I’ve always felt that a pretty good indication that the earth is round comes from pictures taken from space, which shows an orb.
How do the Flat Earthers explain that?
There are a plethora of resources available that show us we can’t trust the photographic evidence from organizations such as NASA. Some of the evidences that these should be discounted include constant changes in their depiction of the Earth, inconsistent lighting in moon footage, and other irregularities which are discussed in depth by those who believe the Moon landing was a hoax.
I had a high school teacher who thought the moon landing was, indeed a hoax, filmed in a TV studio in New York. She was also a nut.
Nuts telling me the moon landing was fake does not make me believe it.
And what about all those astronauts who have orbited the earth?
Lies … all lies.
Most Flat Earthers think Astronauts have been bribed or coerced into their testimonies. Some believe they have been fooled or are mistaken.
As far as bribes, sure, Dr. James Kelloway tried to bribe the astronauts on Capricorn One to pretend they had gone to Mars, but he didn’t get away with it.
(By the way, Capricorn One was a 1977 government conspiracy movie that you can currently buy on ebay for $7.61 plus $3.50 shipping. It’s quite enjoyable, although Karen Black’s character was basically wasted. It also has O.J. Simpson in it, which is kinda creepy).
And I’m no rocket scientist, but I’m pretty sure guys like John Glenn were not mistaken when they were blasted into space. I mean, you might mistakenly pick up regular Pringles when your intent was to buy the reduced fat kind, but if you put on a space suit, get strapped into a capsule, and then sit atop an explosion that propels you skyward, I think the intent of what is going to happen is pretty freakin’ clear.
And what about satellites?
According to the Flat Earth Society, there ain’t no satellites.
While one can see satellites in the sky at night, it is generally agreed upon that they are not actual satellites but pseudolites or stratolites put there to fool us.
And finally, when it comes to gravity, Flat Earthers simply don’t believe in such nonsense.
Gravity as a theory is false. Objects simply fall. In the flat earth community there are several theories as to why this happens. Some attempt to explain this with use of mechanics like electromagnetism, density, or pressure. Others make use of traditional mathematics, such as the infinite plane model, and others a new look at the problem – such as the non-Euclidean model.
What is certain is sphere earth gravity is not tenable in any way shape or form.
Is this some kind of joke?
To a degree, yes. For example, I’m an ordained minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but I realize that the Noodly One is not really a “monster” at all. He’s quite benevolent, and it’s ridiculous to think otherwise.
And I can’t help but think that many people who claim to believe in the Flat Earth theory know it’s ridiculous, too. A lot of celebrities have recently began talking about the concept, but I’m convinced most are merely doing it for publicity.
But there are obviously true believers, men and women who simply refuse to accept science.
Certainly, it’s healthy to be skeptical, especially in an era where there is so much misinformation and stupidity has become acceptable. And there are several theories that are open to interpretation.
The shape of the earth, however, is not one of them.
Nor is the concept of flying reindeer.
Because of that inner ear thing.