The Music Man

The old dude was absolutely shredding it.

Sitting on a stool, legs crossed and staring straight down, his fingers flew across the Fender Stratocaster, playing so effortlessly it was as though man and instrument were one.

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Billed simply as “Music,” he looked like B.B. King in a cowboy hat and played like Jimi Hendrix in a frenzy, with a heavy emphasis on guitar solos.

The sparse crowd at the Reverie Lounge enjoyed it all the same, especially Baxter Layton. He had wandered in a bit after 10 p.m., almost by accident.

Baxter had just finished up having far, far too many drinks with friends at Mike’s Bar & Grill and was in the process of calling an Uber when the hot pink flashing sign at the Reverie caught his eye.

He had never been there before. Hell – he’d never even noticed it before. But it was the hypnotic, psychedelic sounds of Steve Vai’s “For The Love of God” that brought him inside, and he was mesmerized by the old man’s note-for-note replication of the tune.

Enthusiastic applause followed each song, and the performer would take a big swig from his bottle of water before nodding and smiling at the crowd. Depending on the number, he’d reach over and grab another guitar he had laying on the floor next to him. Moments after Baxter entered the club, however, Music eyed him and waved.

The newest patron looked around to see if someone was behind him before sheepishly waving back at the guitarist.

“Hey everybody,” Music said. “Ya’ll welcome the new guy. I’m gonna play his song … or at least the best part of his song.”

Music then proceeded to jump straight to the guitar solo from My Sharona.

Baxter was taken aback.

He wasn’t a huge fan of the 1979 song in its entirety, but he loved the guitar solo – so much so that often during his morning run he’d pop in his earbuds and play it on a continuous loop. There was something about the sound that made him forget about everything and feel a real sense of joy.

And now he was hearing it live, but why?

How did this old man know him? Perhaps the bigger question, though, was how did he know what to play?

Baxter listened intently until Music finished the song with a flourish – standing up at the end, taking a bow, and then slowly walking off the small stage and toward the table where Baxter was sitting.

“Baxter Layton,” he said, smiling broadly. “It’s about time you showed up.”

Now, he was freaking out. Music knows his song, and his name.

“I’m sorry,” Baxter said. “Have we met?”

Music reached over and gave him a gentle pat on the cheek, then plopped into a chair.

“We have now,” he said. “And I’ve known you for a long, long time. Kept an eye on you, too. You’re what … 60? You gotta good life and a good wife, but you’re still too afraid to live the solo.”

Baxter raised his eyebrows.

“Live the solo?” he asked. “What does that mean?”

Music leaned back and placed his hands behind his head.

“OK, that song, My Sharona, … it’s kinda repetitive, ain’t it?” Music said. “You got that hook and those tom-tom drum sounds. It’s fine, but it doesn’t really move you. But then – then that solo starts and you get happy … you get movin’ … you get inspired. You start to live a little! Nothing can stop you while that solo plays, just bouncing around in your head. But then it ends, and things start to repeat, and you just feel like that’s the way things are.

“Son, your life is a song, and everybody has a different one. But the livin’ part – the livin’ part has to be the part of the song you love. You got to live your life like it’s the guitar solo from My Sharona. You’ve got to find your beat … find your jam.”

Baxter looked at Music and could tell the man was speaking with complete sincerity. And truthfully, those words were wise. He had spent much of life sweating the details, and his moments of joy seemed to be growing further and further apart. He had worried about, well, everything, for so long that it had become his default mode.

“Thanks for the advice, Music,” Baxter said. “Live like the guitar solo from My Sharona, huh? I’m not sure I know how to do that.”

Music clasped Baxter’s hand and gave it a firm shake.

“You’ll figure it out … your daddy figured it out when he listened to me play All Along The Watchtower and your grandaddy decided the best part of Johnny B. Goode was the best way to live. Shoot, you’re great-grandpappy couldn’t get enough of my version of Big Joe Turner’s song, Wee Baby Blues, and he got along just fine in the big, bad world.”

Baxter gave Music a side-eye.

“Come on, Music,” he said. “You couldn’t have known my great-grandfather. You’re, uh, chronologically challenged, but you can’t be that ancient.”

The old man cackled.

“Son, I’m Music,” he said. “Music lives forever, and like my old friend Beethoven said, ‘Music can change the world.’ I just try to help people find their beat.”

Baxter watched Music head back to the stage, grab his guitars, and move toward the club’s rear exit. Surely this was all some sort of dream; when he woke up the next morning, he’d have a vague memory of an old man giving him a life lesson, along with a raging hangover.

It all seemed real, though, right up until the lights on the hot pink flashing sign went dim and the Reverie Lounge suddenly resembled nothing more than a brick wall.

“Too much to drink,” Baxter muttered to himself as he glanced at the empty street. “And too much to think.”

The Uber pulled up to the corner in short order, and Baxter climbed in the back of the Honda Accord.

He had to laugh, because the timing was perfect; the song on the radio was My Sharona, and it was 2:41 in … just in time for the guitar solo.

“Hey,” Baxter said to the driver, “would you mind cranking that up? That’s my jam.”

Rugby X marks the spot

Association football, tackle football, lacrosse … sports designed for outdoor play on large fields can be and have been adapted to smaller, indoor venues.

The Major Arena Soccer League, the soon-to-be revived Arena Football League, and the National Lacrosse League maintain the spirit of their original sports while adding unique elements to make things faster and – arguably – more fun for fans.

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And this made me wonder if it had ever been done for one of my new favorite sports, rugby.

Turns out it has.

And I think it’s terrific.

It’s called Rugby X, and it’s the invention of Ben Ryan, the director of elite performance for Brentford FC who gained famed as a rugby sevens coach. (Rugby sevens features seven players playing seven-minute halves, instead of 15 players playing 40-minute halves, which is the set-up in rugby union. If you’re lost at this point, go to the Google Machine, learn about traditional rugby, and then come back here later).

Rugby X entered an experimental stage in 2017 when the England Sevens team took part in a closed-door Rugby X trial, and two years later the following rules were approved:

* The pitch is half the size of that used in rugby sevens, with 55 by 32 dimensions in meters (60 by 35 in yards) plus five-meter run-offs.

* There are five players per side plus seven rolling substitutes that are allowed to come in at breaks in play following tries.

* Scoring consists of five points per try with no conversions, drop goals or penalties.

* Kickoffs are replaced by tap starts on the five-meter line, with the opposing team standing 10 meters back.

* Chip kicks allowed but not box kicks, up and unders (kicks designed for height and not distance) or any kick over 10 meters in height.

* Line outs are replaced by quick throws made by a substitute.

* There are only three persons per scrums with no pushing and hooking is allowed.

*Drawn matches are settled by a “one on one” competition involving one defender on the five-meter line and one attacker 30 meters from the goal. The attacker has 10 seconds to score. It’s conducted like a sudden death penalty shootout.

* Game length is 10 minutes with no break.

“It’s a really interesting attempt to make the game more accessible,” former England captain Lawrence Dallaglio told the Evening Standard in a September 29, 2019, story. “I know that rugby can be complicated and this should be easily digestible with hopefully try after try after try.

“There’s no doubt that 15 a side is not for everyone. This is easy to understand … it’s just full-on and there’s not the complexities of law after law. It’s just fast and furious. You still have full contact but it’s an accelerated version of the game, a sort of rock ‘n roll rugby.”

In October, 2019, the inaugural event took place at London’s O2 Arena, with Argentina winning the men’s title and England taking top honors among women’s teams.

“We have no intention of this game ever trying to compete with sevens or 15s, it’s a really good entry-level to the sport,” Ryan told Sports Gazette in November, 2019. “I don’t see it ever competing with the World Sevens circuit, but I think as a one-off, two-and-a-half-hour indoor venue at international level I think it works, the signs are pretty good. I have been really pleased with the sessions and the player’s feedback has been excellent.”

I have no complaints with traditional rugby; I’ve become a huge fan of Major League Rugby, Premier Rugby Sevens, and enjoy the sport in all its forms. Today, the third round of the Rugby Championship is taking place in Melbourne and Johannesburg. But Rugby X, I think, could become really popular if given the chance.

But will it be given a chance?

The Rugby X website hasn’t been updated since 2020, its last tweet (a retweet, actually) came on July 3, 2020, and my request for more info via the Rugby X press contact has gone unanswered.

But I remain hopeful we haven’t heard the last of it.

Who knows? Maybe MLR can set up an offseason Rugby X tournament, similar to what the Premier Lacrosse League did with its recent championship series.

Until then, go to rugbyx.com and check out highlights from the 2019 event.

It’s worth a look … and something I hope to see again soon.

Creepy Dumpster Guy

It had become something of a cruel ritual.

Each afternoon the kids would walk past the rusty, baby blue dumpster, taunting the odd man lurking behind it.

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“Look everybody … it’s Creepy Dumpster Guy,” yelled Randy. “Hey … Creepy, you found any tasty chicken bones in there? It sure stinks in there, Creepy Dumpster Guy. Is it you, or the trash we’re smellin’? Maybe you’re the trash.”

The man – dressed in an army jacket, blue jeans and green trucker’s cap – never responded. Still, the boys would laugh, staring him down as they continued on their way home from school. Sometimes they’d even empty the remnants of their lunch boxes on the pavement, occasionally wadding up napkins and throwing them at him.

“Come and get it,” they’d chant.

Jada had watched this go on for weeks, following the same path as the boys but staying well behind. She was quiet – had been for most of her 12 years – and said nothing to the young men who seemed to take great pleasure in making fun of the unfortunate fellow.

The first few times, she simply waited until the loudmouths had moved on, then she’d scurry quickly past the dumpster herself, trying not to make eye contact. One day, however, her pace slowed.

At first, she just gave him a quick glance, and then a smile.

Later, she’d wave – and Creepy Dumpster Guy waved back.

They didn’t speak – Jada didn’t really know what to say to him, anyway – but she wondered if hers was the only friendly face he’d see during the course of the day. That thought made her sad, but at least she was making an effort to be kind. Hopefully, she thought to herself, others were making the effort, too.

She had even started provided food for him. She and her family didn’t have a lot, but she was usually able to sneak an extra apple or banana into her paper bag while preparing her lunch each morning.

She’d place them a couple of feet away from the dumpster and scurry off, hoping Creepy Dumpster Guy would enjoy the fresh food, even if it was just a piece of fruit.

Fridays, unfortunately, were always especially rough for him. It was the end of the school week and a time when Randy and his minions saved their worst for Creepy Dumpster Guy.

The taunts were longer and more vicious, and at times it became physical. Often, they’d throw pennies at him.

“Hey, Creepy Dumpster Guy,” Randy would yell. “Why don’t you save these and go buy a new dumpster!”

But on this particular day the gang brought rocks, and thought it’d be funny to use the man for target practice.

Jada could hear the projectiles pinging against the dumpster, and the more she heard, the angrier she became. Although she had never confronted the boys and felt her mouth go completely dry as she began trotting toward them, it was time to put an end to this senseless barbarism.

“Stop it, Randy!” she bellowed – her voice shaking. “Leave him alone! You could hurt him.”

Randy gave Jada a bemused look.

“What do you care?” he said. “It’s none of your business. He’s just some bum.”

Jada stepped off the sidewalk and walked toward the man, who was still crouched behind the dumpster. She then looked toward Randy with fire in her eyes.

“We don’t who he is,” she said. “But I know who you are. You’re a jerk. And a coward. And if you’re going to throw rocks, throw ‘em at both of us. Show how tough you are to your little buddies.”

Randy turned red, looked at his crew, and then looked back toward Jada and Creepy Dumpster Guy.

“You’re the … jerk one,” he mumbled, dropping the medium-sized rock he held in his right hand. “Let’s go, guys.”

Jada made her way back to the sidewalk and noticed something different about Randy and his posse. For the first time they didn’t look like bullies, they simply looked embarrassed – maybe even defeated.

Jada smiled.

“I’m sorry about that,” she said. “They won’t bother you anymore … I’m gonna make sure of it. Oh, and I’ll come by in the morning and bring you something to eat. Bye.”

As Jada disappeared into the distance, the man stood up – although he wasn’t like any man anyone had ever seen before.

Humanoid in form, he was mostly translucent, with a slight amber tint. And the dumpster was simply an optical illusion – a clever disguise for his spacecraft, which he entered by phasing through the side after shedding his disguise.

“Report,” boomed the voice from the electroacoustic transducer in the roof of the craft.

“The microcosm test was a success; we would be wise to allow their species to evolve,” said the being. “As we observed there is much cruelty, but there is also kindness … and strength. Precognition signals that the young female human, Jada Abernathy, will become President of the United States in 30 Earth years. She – and a coalition of others like her – will formulate a workable plan to guide this planet on a path to peace. My recommendation is to postpone the invasion and give them an opportunity to succeed.

“Ashtar Sheran signing off … and plotting a course for Proxima Centauri B.”