Endangered Species

The jeep rumbled and bounced as it traversed the property, churning up dust as the two passengers in the back surveyed their surroundings.

There were three zebras, what appeared to be a very young giraffe, and enough desert-like flora to give them the illusion they were in Africa instead of the Chihuahuan Desert of west Texas. That was the whole idea behind Briscoe’s Trophy Hunt Adventure, run by its namesake – Emery Briscoe.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

“What do you boys think?” shouted Briscoe, looking back and smiling at his guests. “I guaran-damn-tee you two are gonna get your money’s worth. Guaran-damn-tee it.”

Ah, yes, money.

Trophy hunts weren’t cheap, and Briscoe’s Trophy Hunt Adventure was quite specialized. It was so specialized, in fact, that it was not just extremely expensive  for those willing to pay enough, but also extremely illegal. While “game ranches” – places where animals are held captive – had sprouted up all over the United States, this one provided some off-the-books action. But what’s a little malfeasance among the rich?

And the gentlemen on this particular trip had money to burn and were hunting for an endangered Javan rhino – one of less than 80 in the world.

Briscoe abruptly stopped the jeep after spying it just a few hundred feet away.

“I could tell you how I got that bull – that’s what they call the males – but then I’d have to kill you,” he said with a laugh. “Ain’t too many of ‘em left, so I paid a pretty penny to bring him over from Indonesia. And thanks to your generosity, you’ll be able to have a nice rhino head for your living room, and I can get something special for the next big-game hunters that come my way.

“I’ve been trying for years to get one of them Tapanuli orangutans. Be a lot easier to bring down that a rhino, I can tell you that much.”

As the three men walked closer to the rhino, it was obvious that the animal had been drugged. It was laying on the ground with its head lilting to the left.

“Now, in a normal situation,” Briscoe explained, “you wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near this close to a rhinoceros. But we made sure to … well … let’s just say we made him real calm for you. Thanks to several shots with a tranquilizer gun, we’ve done a lot of the work for you. Now which one of you wants to take the first shot? Or, I guess you can both shoot him at the same time.

“Don’t make a bit of difference to me.”

The men jumped off the jeep and swiftly moved toward the rhino. The first pulled out what appeared to be a large laser pointer and carefully traced the silhouette of the creature with it.

The second had something that looked to be more of a high-tech bazooka than an automatic rifle.

“You’ll blow him to bits with that thing,” Briscoe said. “But however you wanna get your jollies is fine by me.”

The man took aim and fired at the rhino, but instead of a bullet there was a pulse of white light that engulfed the animal.

Seconds later, it had completely disappeared.

“What the hell happened?” Briscoe asked. “What did you just do? Are ya’ll some kind of magicians, or what?”

The “shooter” looked at Briscoe with disdain.

“We teleported the Rhinocerotidae being to our home, Gliese 667Cc,” he said. “In your world we would be called conservationists. Humans like you are not only incapable of protecting these life forms, you are actively destroying them. We’re seizing them for their protection – as well as well as their salvation.

“Before the day is done, all of the animals here will be transported. In fact, most of the animals on this doomed planet will be transported.”

Briscoe’s eyes widened.

“Wait a minute … so you two are trying to tell me you’re do-gooders from outer space, huh,” he said, chuckling nervously. “At least that’s what you expect me believe. Ain’t that a kick in the head. Don’t matter to me, though. You paid up front. And long after you’re done havin’ your fun here, I’ll still be in business.

“As long as there are trophies, there’ll be people hunting for trophies. Doomed planet, my ass …”

The travelers from Gliese 667Cc looked at each other, with one drawing a circle on the ground with his laser. They stepped inside and just as had happened with the rhino, they disappeared in a flash of white light.

Briscoe climbed into his jeep, cranked it up, and headed back toward the lodge – rattled and unsure if what had just happened was real or some fever dream.

Yet, as he glanced around and peered through the dust, he noticed that all the animals in the preserve were, indeed, gone.

He couldn’t say for certain what had happened to them, but they were no longer part of Briscoe’s Trophy Hunt Adventure. Most important of all, they were safe from the extinction-level asteroid hurtling toward Earth.

Squadron gets Hustled

Malcolm Hill (left) and Landers Nolley II talk things over during a timeout in Sunday’s NBA G League game between Birmingham and Memphis.

The Birmingham Squadron entered Sunday’s Showcase Cup matchup with Memphis at the top of the South Pod standings, while the visiting Hustle was tied for last among the eight-team group.

Once the final horn sounded after 48 minutes at Legacy Arena, Birmingham (4-2) dropped into a first-place tie with Rio Grande Valley, while Memphis (3-5) exited the cellar.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

The Hustle outscored the Squadron 46-26 in the third quarter and parlayed that surge into a 129-112 victory in front of 1,294 fans.

The teams with the best winning-percentage in each regional pod – as well as the next four teams with the best winning clip regardless of pod – will advance to the single-elimination NBA G League Winter Showcase in Las Vegas December 19-22.

“I personally don’t think I had them ready coming out of halftime,” Birmingham coach T.J. Saint said. “This Memphis team’s record is not indicative of how they’ve actually played. But I don’t think we were ready after halftime, that’s for sure, and that’s on me.

“We’ll be better next time.”

The Hustle opened the third quarter with 11 consecutive points to take a 64-61 lead before Malcolm Hill made a Squadron bucket to break the ice.

But Memphis was relentless, and ended up with a 20-2 spurt that resulted in a 73-63 cushion.

Saint’s crew finally answered with a 10-3 run of their own, and at the 4:08 juncture Dereon Seabron drained a three to make it 83-83.

The Hustle wasn’t done racking up unanswered points, though, and seized a 94-83 lead with 2:13 left in the third and never trailed the rest of the way. When the horn sounded, the Memphis Grizzlies’ affiliates were in charge, 99-87.

After being heavily outscored in the third stanza, the New Orleans Pelicans’ developmental club had plenty of work to do in the fourth.

But the Hustle didn’t stop working, either.

“Momentum is always up for grabs,” Saint said. “We took momentum with like six minutes to go against Texas last game, and they took momentum pretty much in the third quarter. So that’s kind of how that works.”

Memphis’ two leading scorers came off the bench, with David Johnson scoring a game-high 27 points and Cameron McGriff adding 24. Adonis Amis pumped in 18 and Jason Preston recorded a triple double with 16 points, 13 boards and 12 assists as the Hustle placed seven players in double figures.

The winners hit 14 3-pointers and shot 49 percent from the field.

Landers Nolley II had a double-double for the home team, chipping in 25 points and snatching 11 rebounds.

“I’m trying to get better and work on my craft each time out,” Nolley said. “I just go out and trust my teammates, and they put me in good situations.”

Seabron scored 22 points followed by Jalen Crutcher (18), Hill (14), Tevian Jones (12) and Izaiah Brockington (11).

Both teams had shooting woes early in the first quarter, but Birmingham managed to go on a 7-0 run at the 3:35 mark to take an 18-11 lead.

Shots began falling on both ends of the court after that, however, and when the first frame ended the game was knotted at 30-all.

In the second quarter the Squadron led by as many as 11 – 59-48 – but settled for a 61-53 advantage at intermission.

Nolley was already nearing a double-double for the hosts with 17 points and eight rebounds, and Birmingham had outscored Memphis 16-7 in fastbreak points.

Save the date: Today’s meeting with Memphis marked the third consecutive season the Squadron has played a game on November 26 – and all of them have been losses.

In its inaugural campaign in the Ham (2021-22), Birmingham fell to the Rio Grande Valley Vipers on the road, 112-105.

Last season in the friendly confines, the Squadron dropped a 111-98 decision to the Austin Spurs.

Launching pad: How much talent is in the G League?

A lot.

When the 2023-24 NBA season began, 50 percent of the players on opening night rosters had G League experience, up three percent from the year before.

At least 30 G League prospects have been called up to the NBA in each of the last nine seasons.

Teamwork: Over the Thanksgiving holiday the Squadron teamed up with other Birmingham pro teams – the Barons, Legion, Bulls and Stallions – to help combat hunger. The “BHM 5” collected food and delivered it to the Community Food Bank of Central Alabama, ultimately donating 753 pounds of food which will provide over 630 meals to the community.

“Giving back to the community that supports us is paramount to who we are as a team,” Squadron general manager Leslie Claybrook said. “Partnering with the other local professional sports teams is something special to us as we continue to build here in the Magic City.”

Next up: The Squadron begins a three-game road trip on Friday, December 1, when they take on Austin at the H-E-B Center in Cedar Park, Texas.

Birmingham opened the 2023-24 season with a 130-90 rout of the Spurs in a Showcase Cup matchup.

The Squadron will be at the Paycom Center on December 3 and December 5 to tangle with the Oklahoma City Blue.

Birmingham’s next home game is December 8 against Rio Grande Valley. That will be part of Stem Fest (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math), and will tip-off at 11:30 a.m.

Holiday tradition

Micah and Sherri sat across from the coffee table – as they always did this time of year – and peered into the bowl.

Inside it were five small, folded pieces of paper.

Scott Adamson writes stuff. Follow him on Threads @sladamson1960 and Adamsonmedia on Facebook.

Sherri held a quarter.

“OK,’ she said. “You call it in the air.”

She launched the coin with her thumb, and as it fluttered end-over-end Micha shouted, “Heads!”

The quarter landed on top of Sherri’s left hand, she covered it, and then took a peek.

“Heads it is,” she said. “You get to pick.”

Micah carefully eyed the bowl, stirred the paper slightly with his right index finger, pulled out a piece, and then unfolded it.

He let out a long sigh.

“Show it to me,” Sherri said, smiling.

He handed it over and revealed the word scribbled in pen, “illness.”

Sherri shrugged.

“What’s wrong with that?” she asked. “That’s perfect, actually.”

Micah rolled his eyes.

“That’s the one we used last year,” he said. “I told my family I had food poisoning, and you told yours you had the flu. It’d be a little too convenient if we did that again.”

Sherri disagreed.

“Not at all,” she said. “It is the cold and flu season – November is always the cold and flu season. And food poisoning? It can happen any time, any place. Ever heard of gas station sushi? Really, this is the best excuse of all of them. It’s sure as heck better than the one I drew two years ago.”

It was 2021 when Sherri won the toss and picked a piece of paper with the word “car trouble.”

“We could’ve made the car trouble excuse work,” she said. “But somebody screwed that up royally, didn’t they?”

Micah grimaced.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah … I should’ve said we had car trouble in North Dakota or some place like that,” he said. “I never thought Uncle Lou would drive over and pick us up.”

“Oh, but he did,” Sherri said, wagging her finger at Micah. “And the man always smells like roasted broccoli. I used to love roasted broccoli until I got a whiff of your uncle.”

Micah chuckled.

“I think you’re being kind,” he said. “There’s the smell of roasted broccoli, and then there’s the smell of the flatulence that follows the consumption of roasted broccoli. I’m pretty sure Uncle Lou had let a few rip before he picked us up.

“The best part, though, was sitting in the corner of the kitchen and watching Aunt Eunice toss back those deviled eggs. It was gross, but in an artful kind of way.”

The couple called their annual ritual the “Introvert Society Thanksgiving Day Charade.” Knowing they would be invited to several different holiday gatherings – and knowing they were both painfully shy and got nervous in large crowds – they would draw from the “Excuse Bowl” to come up with a ruse.

They loved their families and treasured their friends, and it’s not that they wanted to lie – it’s just they’d rather lie than leave the house and dive into a sea of humanity.

They had done the paper draw for more than 10 years, and the five excuses were “illness,” “work,” “argument,” “car trouble” and “Federal Witness Protection Program.”

The last one was a joke.

Maybe.

“I can’t believe that over an entire decade we’ve never picked WITSEC,” Sherri mused. “That would be awesome. New names, new jobs … new lives in a new location. Of course, after a while we’d probably make new friends, and they’d invite us over for the holidays.

“The wheels on the bus go round and round, I suppose.”

Micah reached for his cellphone.

“So, why don’t I call my family and tell them I have the flu, and you can call yours and say you have food poisoning,” Micah said. “No, wait … maybe mix it up and say you have strep throat.”

Sheri walked over to Micah and gave him a big hug.

“I love you,” she said. “You, me, our three cats, one goldfish, in the den, eating a pizza from the freezer and watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles – just like every year. “It’s my favorite Thanksgiving tradition.”